What They Said: Favorite Quotes from The Vampire Diaries “American Gothic” 

Episode: “American Gothic”
Writers: Evan Bleiweiss & Jose Molina 

Elena [to Rebekah]: “Have I mentioned that I can’t stand the sound of your voice?”

Rebekah: “We’re not here for a pub crawl, Elena.”

Rebekah: “Conniving little bitch compelled the whole town.” Elena: “I think we just found Katherine.”

Stefan: “Why don’t you just be grateful Sheriff Forbes was able to track down the car after you let them, uh, you know, steal it from you?” Damon: “Remind me to send her some mini-muffins.”

Stefan: “Oh, the list. Do you mean the list they stole from right under your nose after you let your guard down?”

Stefan: “Sheriff Forbes tracked down the car they stole after yours.” Damon: “Screw the muffins. I’ll get her champagne.”

Stefan: “Willoughby — the creamed corn capital of Pennsylvania. They’ll be there.’

Damon: “Ooh — silver lining. If Rebekah takes the cure then she’s mortal. And then we can just kill her right then and there.” Stefan: “Ooh — dark cloud. Elena stays a vampire forever. Look, why don’t you just table your revenge fantasies for now and just keep your eye on the prize? Find Katherine, get the cure, get out, before you get your neck snapped…again.”

Damon: “Believe me. I’ve learned my lesson. Elena without humanity is a stoned-cold bitch.”

Stefan: “Look at that. We’re finally on the same page about something.”‘ Damon: “Look at that.”

Rebekah: “I couldn’t agree more. You’ve chosen a beautiful place to die.”

Katherine: ‘So sad for the boys though. Their special snowflake of human frailty. Gone.”

Katherine: “I forgot how charming you were.”

Caroline: “Ok I don’t know if this is some new way of flirting but it sucks. And I have more important things to do.”

Damon: “I don’t care if we have to throw Rebekah under a school bus and wrap Elena in a burlap sack. We do whatever we have to do.” Stefan: “I’m serious.” Damon: “I am too. I don’t care what Elena wants right now. She’s thisclose to going off the rails for good and that ain’t happening. She’s a pain enough as it is.” Stefan: “So what happened to the guy who thought Elena should embrace being a vampire — let the chips fall where they may.” Damon: “That guy got his neck snapped in New York. And this guy is royally pissed off.”

Elena: “What do you think?” Rebekah: “It’s close. Not quite slutty enough. I think you need more eyeliner.”

Elena: “You’ll never pass for me.” Rebekah: “Throatier. And more mannish.”

Elena: “You two are pathetic.” Rebekah: “Oh, perfect. Just the right level of contempt…and hidden insecurity.”

Katherine: “Are you really that dumb or naturally blonde?”

Damon: “I see you got Katherine already. You’re losing your touch evil one.”

Stefan: “Well, you sort of have to question Elijah’s impeccable taste if he’s friends with you.”

Katherine: “Oh when I say friend. I mean…friend.” Damon: “Ooh… Rebekah: “Ugh.” Stefan: “Ooh…”

Caroline: “Oh my God. You do have a heart. [she twists the stake] Oh my bad, it’s just a bloody rib.”

Stefan: “Your little sister decided to join Team Good Guys for the time being.”

Elena: “Ugh, you’re both idiots.”

Elena: “I hate to say I told you so but…duh!”

Damon: “No sudden moves. No tricks either. No Katherine-ing.”

Damon: “Wow. A quilt and a fish aquarium. Who the hell are you?” Rebekah: “A very old lady with dreadful taste.”

Damon: “Did it ever occur to you that you’re not that deep?”

Klaus: “He got in my head. Silas got inside my head. You took my mind off it. You brought me back, Caroline.”

Elena: “You boys are all the same. Damon and Stefan still think that the girl they love is still in here somewhere, too.” Elijah: “You can’t blame them for having hope, Elena. It would be a shame if the world lost a soul as compassionate as yours.”

Katherine: “Oh, come on. She could use a nap. It must be exhausting trying to be me.”

Katherine: “I need you to trust me. I want you to trust me. Just like I’m trusting you. You don’t owe me anything. I’m gonna let you decide where we go from here.”

Rebekah: “You and Katherine…And I thought you were the smart brother.” Elijah: “You don’t have a smart brother. Turns out I’m just as stupid as the rest of you.”

Elijah: “Complication speaking.” Klaus: “Big brother. At last you join the fray.” Elijah: “Somebody had to take charge. And now that I have, I’ve got the cure and I’m bringing it back to Mystic Falls.”

Klaus: “Come home, brother. We’ll settle this like family.”

Klaus: “Hey, thank you for helping me.” Caroline: “Yeah. Well, if you need anything else…don’t call me. I have a prom to plan.” Klaus: “Friends, then?” Caroline: “Are you gonna let Tyler come back into town? Klaus: “You might have noticed…I’m not exactly scouring the Earth for him, am I?”

Damon: “All right. You’re right. I let Rebekah take the cure. I thought for a second, literally just a second, ‘if Rebekah takes this then all my problems go away.’ And I couldn’t think of one good reason to give it to Elena. And then Rebekah took it. And I realized how badly I screwed up.” Stefan: “So what’s your point, Damon?” Damon: “My point is, I’m sorry. OK? I had a moment of weakness, Stefan. It’s my thing. It’s like you and I falling for the same girl. It’s our thing.” Stefan: “Was our thing.”

Stefan: “I owe Elena her shot at being normal again. Once we give her the cure, I’m getting her out of my life. And I’m getting a life of my own.” Damon: “Ok. Ok. Let’s just get the cure and then we’ll talk about you riding off into the sunset all by your lonesome.” Stefan: “You still want to get the cure — even if it means you might lose her.” Damon: “It’s a chance I’m willing to take, Stefan.” Stefan: “Well, I guess all we have to do is convince her.”

Elena: “You know, I don’t want the cure. You need to know that I never will and I’m done talking about it. So…will you accept that and let me be who I am or not?” Damon: “Yeah, no.”

Elena [snaps the neck of a human]: Like I said, consequences. That’s one body you’re responsible for. You keep trying to fix me, there’ll be a second, a twentieth and a hundredth. It’s your choice.” Damon [to Stefan]: “You still ready to ride off into the sunset?”

The Vampire Diaries airs Thursdays at 8/7c on the CW.