What They Said: Favorite Quotes from The Vampire Diaries “Fifty Shades of Grayson” 

Episode: “Fifty Shades of Grayson”
Writer: Caroline Dries

Katherine: “What the hell happened to you?” Damon: “Ditto. Elena’s not here by any chance, is she?” Katherine: “I haven’t seen her. Not that I’ve been looking.” Damon: “Stef — you awake?” Katherine: “You know, he hasn’t seen her either. I know because we were together. All night.” Damon: “Look, I’ve had a really crappy couple of days, okay? If you’re implying what I think you’re implying…” Katherine: “Why? What were you thinking? That our hot, naked bodies collided in one unforgettable night of passion?” Damon: “I’m gonna barf.” Katherine: “Great. Then my work here is done. Too-do-loo.” Damon: “Ugh.”

Damon: “Put your hero hair on, Stefan. Let’s go get Elena.”

Damon (to Aaron): “Pop quiz. So your girlfriend’s taken by a mad scientist. Now do you ‘A’ — get a new girlfriend. ‘B’ — call the police. Or ‘C’ — kill someone close to that mad scientist?”

Aaron: “I’m sorry. Am I supposed to know who you are?” Damon: “That’s my brother, Stefan. But I’d watch your tone with him because he’s kind of in the midst of a psychotic break.” Stefan: “I’m sorry. I’m what?” Damon: “Oh, come on. You don’t think I know about you and Katherine?” Stefan: “Oh, I see. You’re jealous.” Damon: “More like disturbed. See? He’s off his rocker. He’s losing his mind. Teetering on the brink of insanity.” Aaron: “How are you not dead? I shot you.” Damon: “Well, because you went for the head. You got to go for the heart. (head slaps Aaron) Go for the heart next time. Now where’s Elena?”

Dr. Wes: “Damon Salvatore is locked in an impenetrable and inescapable fortified cell.” Aaron: “Or he’s in front of me imagining what my kidney would taste like.”

Katherine: “Come on. I’m paying you to make me hot again. Whip me into shape and prolong this death thing as long as possible.” Matt: “Yeah, that’ll happen.” Katherine: “What did you say? No, seriously. I didn’t hear you. Oh God, I’m going deaf. I’m going deaf. My entire body is falling apart. I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe. Water. Give me some water. Faster!.

Stefan (to Aaron): “I don’t recall saying that you could talk. Did I say that he could talk?” Damon: “I don’t remember anything.” Stefan: “I didn’t think so.”

Katherine (to Nadia): “Do you see this? This is raw kale. In what universe would I put this inside my body unless I actually wanted to live another day.”

Katherine (to Nadia): “Can I ask you something? Absentee mother to mildly abusive daughter.”

Enzo: “21051.” Damon: “Enzo?” Enzo: “It’s been a while, mate.”

Stefan: “Who the hell are you?” Enzo: “Lorenzo. But my friends call me Enzo. Ah, kidding. I don’t have any friends.”

Enzo: “Now that we’ve all been acquainted, I’m gonna go find something to wet my whistle.”

Stefan: “You didn’t tell me about him.” Damon: “It was the 1950s. I’m supposed to remember every moment of my life?”

Damon (to Aaron): “I don’t like you. I don’t like your family. I don’t like you messing with my relationship. If you’re lying, I’m gonna take my thumbs and I’m gonna gouge out your sad little eyes out of your sad little head.”

Enzo: “Ah, it’s frightening what you can find on campus these days.”

Damon: “Call me if you find anything. Kill him if you don’t.”

Nadia: “Gregor was a Traveler. He put his spirit inside Matt so that even after his body died he lived on.” Katherine: “Yes. He lived on…in a bus boy.”

Enzo: “What about cricket? Did that ever become a thing here?”

Matt (to Nadia): “Yeah, I’d kind of rather put us, uh, behind us.”

Damon: “You asked me if I thought about you after I escaped and the answer is no. And I sure as hell don’t feel guilty about leaving you because in order for me to save myself and leave you, I had to shut off my humanity, damn it. So I flipped the switch. And I felt nothing. No remorse. No regret. No pain.” Enzo: “And now what do you feel? Remorse? Regret? Pain? Even if I forgave you, Damon, would that make you less of a horrible person?” Damon: “We’re even, Enzo.” Enzo: “You were the most important person in my life and you ruined me. But that’s just who you are. That’s who you’ll always be. A monster.”

Damon (to Elena): “A hundred pages of horrific torture and you find the one happy passage.”

Elena: “He was my dad. I can’t not defend him.” Damon: “No, I know you can’t. Because you do it for me all the time.” Elena: “I’m not defending you. I’m not defending your decision to kill Aaron’s entire family. To go out of town and kill his aunt while we were still together.” Damon: “So why are you still here? I’m bad, Elena. I am bad for you. So why wouldn’t you have run away from me as far as humanly possible?” Elena: “Because I love you, Damon. Because I chose you. And because I stand by my choice.” Damon: “Well, now I’m choosing. And I’m choosing to let you go.” Elena: “What? No, Damon.” Damon: “I am choosing to not have to think about how you must feel every time some ghost from my past comes into our life. I’m choosing to relieve you of having to defend for every awful thing I’ve ever done.” Elena: “Stop acting like I’m perfect. Damon, I’ve done horrible things, too. You think I’m gonna stand here and judge you after I find out you’ve been tortured for five years?” Damon: “Stop defending me! I won’t change who I am. I can’t…But I refuse to change you.”

Stefan: “So what are you, uh, doing in my room?” Katherine: “I want to talk about last night.” Stefan: “Okay.” Katherine: “So, talk.”

Katherine: “Look at me. I’m dying. What does someone have to go through to get a little redemption around here?” Stefan: “A hundred and forty-seven years is a long time to forgive in one night.” Katherine: “One night…an eternity. You’d never look at me the way you look at Elena, would you? Good night, Stefan.” Stefan: “Hey. (holds her hand) I’m sorry that you’re dying.” Katherine: “Trust me. I am too.”

The Vampire Diaries returns with new episodes on Thursday, Jan. 23 on the CW.