What They Said: Favorite Quotes from White Collar “Compromising Positions” 

Episode: “Compromising Positions”
Writer: Matthew Negrete

• “I’m simply saying you should go in with both eyes open. And the Suit has the resources to be those eyes.” “You realize somewhere pigs are flying right now.” “Yes, and that is the sound of hell freezing over.”

• “And the only thing he loves more than arresting criminals…” “…is testifying against them at their trial.” “Oh, I remember. Vividly.”

• “It’s like its Christmas morning and he’s unwrapping a guilty verdict.”

• “And he uh…how do I put this?” “Doesn’t have a dark and sordid past as a professional conman?” “Or an off-again off again relationship with the whole truth?” “Or even…” “Point taken, so.”

• “You’re more than welcome to sit in the gallery and watch me testify.” “Ah I would love to but I should — you know — I should probably stay here and just…sharpen pencils.”

• “So, testifying is as much about the questions as it is the answers.” “Exactly.” “Then I stand corrected. Testifying is a two-man con.” “Go sharpen your pencils.” “Okay.”

• “You get the idea.” “Oh, no, we see the idea.”

• “That’s Delancey’s girlfriend?” “She is dedicated to her man.” “And limber.”

• “She gets in your head. I questioned her a year ago and in five minutes she could tell things about me that my own mother couldn’t. It wasn’t right.”

• “No Clinton Jones today? Don’t tell me. He’s off seeking Daddy’s approval through overachievement.”

• “And for the record, she was wrong about my tattoo. I got it four years ago not five.”

• “Such as?” “I may or may not have hired her to retrieve my broken heel from Ivanka Trump’s air vent. Don’t ask.”

• “Oh, unpleasant doesn’t even begin to describe him. He’s a financial scammer. An ex-con. A thief. A liar. You get the picture.”

• “For the record, I am very much not the incriminating photos type.” “Well, there was…” “Neal, I thought I was hitting speed dial.”

• “Sara, thanks for sacrificing Sterling Bosch’s Ms. Fix-it.” “Just another day at White Collar.”

• “But right now I’m in no position to be breaking into another U-Boat.” “I doubt this involves a submarine.” “Oh, no? Maybe he’s got a blimp.”

• “Oh, I see you cleaned house at Pai Gow.” “I see you got a fake baby.”

• “Still doesn’t explain the baby.” “Bartholomew helped me access their mainframe.” “With his computer-science degree?” “Think of him as a Swiss Army Knife…” “Oh!” “That occasionally wets himself.”

• “I know a thing or two about avoiding blackmail.” “You mean proving blackmail.” “That’s…not what I said.”

• “You know what this is? Too much time on the island. I’ve gone soft.” “Don’t be ridiculous, okay?” “Watch. I once killed a man doing this trick.” “You never killed a man doing that.” “I could have. Once. That’s it. I’m going to go to Aruba and get my edge back.”

• “Show-off.”

• “How would you feel about sleeping with Sara Ellis?”

• “Let’s tell them together.” “Great.” “Great.” “Let’s do it.” “All right.” “Teamwork, right?” “Yep. Teamwork.” “You and me.” “Yep.”

• “I’d like to start by saying this is Neal’s idea.” “That Peter supports one hundred percent.”

• “By convincing you mean…” “I’m talking about showing a little skin.” “A state of tasteful undress.”

• “Honey, you sure you want to be here?” “If you’re sure you’re doing this, I’m sure I want to be here.” “I love you.”

• “Honey, put your left hand down a little further…” “More?” “Further…yeah, there you go.”

• “Sara, do that thing with your leg.” “Neal, I got it!”

• “Romance novel cover right there.”

• “I think we got it. That’s a wrap.”

• “Neal Caffrey, how’d you like to take the stand?”

• “By the way, Guiliani never returns my phone calls anymore.”

• “Where did you come from?” “Forty-five years ago, an enigma gave a paradox a very special hug.”

• “Suit, I like the way you’re thinking.”

• “What if I could arrange for you to be aboveboard.” “Plausible deniability.” “It’s worked for us before.”

• “Drill, baby, drill.”

• “Well, Barty, looks like we got our edge back. And Guiliani has a reason to return my calls.”

• “Testifying’s fun, but it’s not as much of a con as I thought.” “Telling the whole truth isn’t your cup of tea? I’m shocked.”

White Collar airs Tuesdays on USA Network at 9/8c.