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What They Said

What They Said: Favorite Quotes From Sherlock “The Sign of Three” 

Robert Viglasky/Hartswood Films for MASTERPIECE
Robert Viglasky/Hartswood Films for MASTERPIECE

Title: “The Sign of Three”
Writer: Steven Moffat and Mark Gatiss

Mrs. Hudson: “Your mother has a lot to answer for.”
Sherlock: “I know. I have a list. Mycroft has a file.”

Sherlock: “Aren’t there usually biscuits?”
Mrs. Hudson: “I’ve run out.”
Sherlock: “Have the shops?”

David: “They’re right about you. You’re a bloody psychopath.”
Sherlock: “High functioning sociopath. With your number.”

Sherlock: “Basically it’s a cute smile to the bride’s side, a cute smile to the groom’s side and then the rings.”
Archie: “No.”
Sherlock: “And you have to wear the outfit.”
Archie: “No.”
Sherlock: “You really do have to wear the outfit.”
Archie: “What for?”
Sherlock: “Grownups like that sort of thing.”
Archie: “Why?”
Sherlock: “I don’t know I’ll ask one.”

Photo Credit: Robert Viglasky/Hartswood Films for MASTERPIECE
Photo Credit: Robert Viglasky/Hartswood Films for MASTERPIECE

Mary: “Oh Sherlock. Neither of us were the first you know.”
Sherlock: “Stop smiling.”
Mary: “It’s my wedding day.”

Sherlock: “Why are you out of breath?”
Mycroft: “Filing.”
Sherlock: “Either I’ve caught you in a compromising position or you’ve been working out again. Favor the latter.”

Sherlock: ?What was that noise downstairs?”
John: “That was Mrs. Hudson laughing.”
Sherlock: “Sounds like she was torturing an owl.”
John: “Yeah, well it was laughter.”
Sherlock: “Could’ve been both.”

John: “So the big question.”
Sherlock: “Mmhm.”
John: “The best man.”
Sherlock: “The best man?”
John: “What do you think?”
Sherlock: “Billy Kincaid.”
John: “Sorry. What?”

John: “For my wedding. For me. I need a best man.”
Sherlock: “Oh. Right.”
John: “Maybe not a garroter.”
Sherlock: “Gavin.”
John: “Who?”
Sherlock: “Gavin Lestrade. He’s a man and good at it.”
John: “It’s Greg. And he’s not my best friend.”
Sherlock: “Oh. Mike Stamford. I see. He’s nice. Although I’m not sure how well he’d cope with-“
John: “No, Mike’s great but he’s not my best friend. Look Sherlock. This is the biggest and most important day of my life-“
Sherlock: “Ahh-“
John: “No, it is. It is. And I want to be up there with the two people that I love and care about most in the world.”
Sherlock: “Yes.”
John: “Mary Morstan…”
Sherlock: “Yes.”
John: “And…you.”

Photo Credit: Robert Viglasky/Hartswood Films for MASTERPIECE
Photo Credit: Robert Viglasky/Hartswood Films for MASTERPIECE

Sherlock: “I am the most unpleasant, rude, ignorant and all around obnoxious a**hole that anyone could possibly have the misfortune to meet. I am dismissive of the virtuous, unaware of the beautiful, and uncomprehending in the face of the happy. So if I didn’t understand I was being asked to be best man it is because I never expected to be anybody’s best friend. Certainly not the best friend of the bravest and kindest and wisest human being I have ever had the good fortune of knowing. John, I am a ridiculous man redeemed only by the warmth and constancy of your friendship, but as i am apparently your best friend I cannot congratulate you on your choice of companion. Actually, now I can. Mary, when I say you deserve this man it is the highest compliment of which I am capable. John you have endured war, and injury and tragic loss – so sorry again about that last one – so know this today you sit between the woman you have made your wife and the man you have saved, in short the two people who love you most in all this world and I know I speak for Mary as well when I say we will never let you down and we have a lifetime ahead to prove that.”

Sherlock: “Now. Serviettes. Swan or Sydney opera house?”
Mary: “Where’d you learn to do that?”
Sherlock: “Many unexpected skills required in the field of criminal investigation-“
Mary: “Sherlock.”
Sherlock: “I once broke an alibi by demonstrating the exact severity of the-“
Mary: “I’m not John. I can tell when you’re fibbing.”
Sherlock: “Ok. I learned it on youtube.”
Mary: “The opera house please.”

Photo Credit: Robert Viglasky/Hartswood Films for MASTERPIECE
Photo Credit: Robert Viglasky/Hartswood Films for MASTERPIECE

John: “Why have you suddenly taken interest in another human being?”
Sherlock: “I’m…chatting. Won’t be trying that again.”
John: “Changing the subject completely. You know it won’t alter anything, right? Me and Mary getting married? We’ll still be doing all this.”
Sherlock: “Oh. Good.”
John: “If you were worried.”
Sherlock: “Wasn’t worried.”
John: “The thing about Mary is that she has completely turned my life around. Changed everything. But for the record over the last few years there are two people who’ve done that and the other one is…a completely dickhead.”

Molly: “Why do I come in?”
Sherlock: “Don’t want to get ill. That would ruin it. Spoil the mood.”
Molly: “You’re a graduate chemist. Can’t you just work it out?”
Sherlock: “I lack the practical experience.”
Molly: “Meaning you think I like a drink.”
Sherlock: “Occasionally.”
Molly: “That I am a drunk.”
Sherlock: “No. No. You look…well.”
Molly: “I am.”
Sherlock: “How’s…Tom?”
Molly: “Not a sociopath.”
Sherlock: “Still? Good.”
Molly: “And we’re having quite a lot of sex.”

Sherlock: “The game is something.”
John: “On.”
Sherlock: ?Yeah, that. That.”

John: “He’s clueing for looks.”

Greg: “What a couple of lightweights. You couldn’t even make it to closing time.”
John: “Could you whisper?”

Mrs. Hudson: “It was purely physical between me and Franco. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other. There was one night-“
John: “Is that Sherlock?”

Photo Credit: Robert Viglasky/Hartswood Films for MASTERPIECE
Photo Credit: Robert Viglasky/Hartswood Films for MASTERPIECE

Sherlock: “There are going to be others.”
John: “Others?”
Sherlock: “Victims. Women. Most ghosts tend to haunt a single house. This ghost, however, is willing to commute.”

John: “You’re missing the obvious mate.”
Sherlock: “Am I?”
John: “He’s a man.”

Mycroft: “Oh Sherlock. What do we say about coincidence?”
Sherlock: “The universe is rarely so lazy.”
Mycroft: “So the balance of probability is-“
Sherlock: “One went to great lengths to find out something about this wedding.”
Mycroft: “What great lengths?”
Sherlock: “They lied. Assumed false identities.”
Mycroft: “Which suggests?”
Sherlock: “Criminal intent.”
Mycroft: “Also suggests.”
Sherlock: “Intelligence. Planning.”
Mycroft: “Clearly. But more importantly.”
Sherlock: “The Mayfly Man. The Mayfly Man is here today.”

Mary: “What’s he doing?”
John: “Something’s wrong.”
Sherlock: “John’s great too. Haven’t said that enough. Barely scratched the surface. I could go on all night about the depth and complexity of his jumpers and he can cook. Does, uh thing. Thing with peas. Once. Might not be peas. Might not be him. But he’s got a great singing voice. Or somebody does.”

Sherlock: “Let’s talk about…murder. Did I say murder? I meant to say marriage. But, you know, they’re quite similar procedures when you think about it. The participants tend to know each other, it’s over when one of them’s dead. In fairness, murder is a lot quicker though.”

Major Sharlto: “You’re Sherlock Holmes. Solve the case. On you go. Tell me how he did it and I’ll open the door.”
John: “Please. This is no time for games. Just let us in. You’re in danger.”
Sharlto: “So are you so long as you’re here. Please. Leave me. Despite my reputation, I really don’t approve of collateral damage.”
Mary: “Solve it.”
Sherlock: “Sorry?”
Mary: “Solve it and he’ll open the door like he said.”
Sherlock: “I couldn’t solve it before how can I solve it now?”
Mary: “Because it matters now.”
Sherlock: “What are you talking about? What’s she talking about? Get your wife under control.”
John: “She’s right.”
Sherlock: “Oh. You’ve changed.”
John: “No, she is. Shut up. You are not a puzzle solver. You never have been. You’re a drama queen. Now there is a man in there about to die. The game is on. Solve it!”

Sharlto: “I believe I am in need of medical attention.”
John: “I believe I am your doctor.”

Jeanine: “Why do we have to rehearse?”
Sherlock: “Because we are about to dance together in public and your skills are appalling.”

John: “Sherlock. The showing off thing. We’ve discussed it before.”

Jeanine: “Do you always carry handcuffs?”
Sherlock: “Down girl.”

Sherlock: “Ladies and gentlemen. Just one last thing before the evening begins properly. Apologies for earlier. A crisis arose and was dealt with. More importantly, however, today we saw two people make vows. I’ve never made a vow in my life and after tonight I never will again I’m certain. Here in front of you all my first and last vow. Mary and John. Whatever it takes, whatever happens from now on I swear I will always be there. Always. For all three of you. I’m sorry, I mean, I mean two of you. All two of you. Both of you, in fact. I just miscounted. Anyway, it’s time for dancing. Play the music again please. Thank you.”

Sherlock: “All the signs are there.”
Mary: “The signs?”
Sherlock: “The signs of three.”
Mary: “What?”
Sherlock: “Mary, I think you should do a pregnancy test. The statistics for the first trimester are-“
John: “Shut up. Just shut up.”
Sherlock: “Sorry.”
John: “How did he notice it before me? I’m a bloody doctor.”
Sherlock: “It’s your day off.”
John: “It’s your day off.”
Sherlock: “Stop panicking.”
John: “I’m not panicking.”
Mary: “I’m pregnant. I’m panicking.”

Sherlock airs Sundays on PBS.

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  1. MByerly

    I watch the recording of this show a little while ago. The way they are interspersing scenes of exposition and flashback is interesting. The first episode annoyed me, but it really worked here.

    And the acting and dialogue were brilliant.

  2. Tomer

    Where’s the scene where in the middle of his speech Sherlock realises someone is planning a murder, and then he tries continuing the speech while trying to work on the case, resulting in the speech collapsing into nonsense?

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