
Episode: “Midnight Ron”
- “Confiscated by whom? A croupier?” “No.” “Or a herd of Quebecker whores?” “I wouldn’t say herd.” “Well after you get some free penicillin complements of the Socialist Republic of Canada-” “Wait. Really?” “You can extract yourself mister.”
- “It is just idiots all the way down. And his money, I get it, that’s all craps and whores. But his passport? How the hell did he lose his passport?”
- “It’s my third biggest fear. He brings home a whore and says, ‘We’re married!’ Oh, and the whore has bangs.”
- “Tabernac! You know there is a line?” “There’s gonna be a line at your wake! So shut your poutine hole and let me-“
- “Even Woodhouse wouldn’t help me.” “What do you mean no? I basically own you.”
- “What the hell is a chud?” “They were people, but then they got splashed with toxic waste.” “Aw, that’s a load of crap.” “It’s a movie.” “But those baby alligators people flush down there, now that’s-” “Ron. Come on. Seriously, at some point I’m gonna have to take sh*t so…” “So why didn’t you go before we left?” “Not now. In the future. And I won’t be able to if I’m thinking about giant alligators rampaging up into my toilet.” “Talk about tearing you a new one.”
- “For the love of Christ, man. Stop! I meant stop talking about ass-ripping sewer gators.” “Yeah, I know.”
- “Why not?” “Because what if they check the trunk?” “Well, why would they?” “Because that’s exactly their job.” “Yeah, on the Mexican border. Who the hell’s gonna sneak in from Canada?” “Arctic wolves?”
- Ron! Let me outta the godd*mn trunk! We passed the border an hour ago!” “Actually, more like 3 hours.” “I- well apparently I took a nap.”

- “What’s in the suitcase, Ron? Why is that in the suitcase, Ron?” “What I should use a plastic bag?” “Or this new thing called the bank?” “Well, it’s not exactly… clean money.” “No sh*t.”
- “No, I’m serious. Name one. Just one single favor that Archer ever did for any of you.” “Ummm.” “Oh! Oh my God. Chlamydia. Which put me over my deductible so the rest of the year all my doctor’s visits were totally free. Score!” “Wow.”
- “Get off! Clamydiot.” “Oh I get it. Because of the Chlamidiya. Oh, and I’m an idiot.”
- “Nobody’s gonna pick us up! We look like The Ballad of the Flim-Flam Man.” “The what?” “Guy Owen? Jesus, Ron. Read a book. Maybe between biannual suitcase robberies?”
- “…And anyway, you mean semiannual.” “They’re the same thing.” “No, biannual means every two years-” “That’s biennial! Bi, or semi-annual, means every six months.”
- “Ron, nobody’s gonna miss one beer. Or the eleven more I’m gonna drink.”
- “You lost me.” “Cadillac’s not my real last name.” “I-, well yeah. I figured the odds on that were pretty huge.” “I changed it from Kazinsky. And before I sold cars… I stole them.”
- “So the money is…” “The least I can do, it’s like back pay for all the years they lost. Plus most of it is from charging poor saps for that frickin undercoat. Never get the undercoating!”
- “Wow. And here Mother thinks you are hands down the most boringest on this entire planet of Earth.”
- “Hey guys, if that’s, you know, how you self-identify.”
- “Wow. Okay, so… apparently we’ve stumbled into what I’m just gonna assume is– some kind of unspeakably rapey snuff film. Yep, look at that. There’s even a craft services table. But my uh…” “Stepdad.” “Mother’s husband has to be back in time for the opera. I know, rich people problems, so even though all you guys have bats and pipes and, wow…shorty over there as a club with lumps on it. Kicking it, bedrock style. Does anybody have a gun? Anybody? Gun? Probably looks a little something like this?”
- “What about my crew? I’ve been ripped off the last 3 times. What are they supposed to live on?” “What are they gonna live on if you’re eaten by tranny bikers? Ron, look. We’d already be dead if they weren’t in disturbingly sexy high heels!”
- “What is it- Half the time I don’t even know what the hell you’re talking about.” “Well, guess what. Me neither.”
- “Come on! Run like you’re younger.”
- “You hate it that she married anybody cause you want her all to yourself.” “What?” “Paging Dr. Bates. Doctor Norman Bates.” “Hey, shut up! And also, eww.”
- “Ron? Look, I know we accidentally bonded a little, but do not tell me how to discipline my servant!”

Archer airs Thursdays at 10/9c on FX.
Related posts
Classics
Alison Sweeney Talks About What’s Next for Hannah and Mike After Carrot Cake Murder: A Hannah Swensen Mystery
[Warning: Spoilers for Carrot Cake Murder.] Everybody OK after that Hannah Swensen Mystery twist? Thankfully, our favorite crime-solving couple is still on speaking term, even if they’re on a break (hopefully not that kind of break). Most importantly, we already know this isn’t the last film in the series. No…
Counting Down to From Season 2
[Warning: General spoilers ahead.] We’re just shy of two weeks away from Season 2 of last spring’s obsession, From, which premieres at 9 pm/8c, Sunday, April 23rd, on MGM+ (formerly EPIX). If you never picked it up last year, now’s your chance, and you can do it for free, catching…
Thank Me Later: Will Trent
[Warning: spoilers ahead.] I’m on record as loving and losing shows over at ABC so I’m usually very reticent to pick something up on the network until it’s been renewed, and I seriously hope I’m not jinxing it, but I took a chance on the deeply odd and very sweet…
Dennis Heaton Talks The Imperfects
Longtime readers at TV Goodness will know that Motive is one of my ride-or-die series, and as such, I am fiercely loyal to its creator, Dennis Heaton. He followed up that fantastic reverse procedural with Netflix’s The Order and is back on our streaming screens with The Imperfects, which dropped…
Kelly McCormack Talks Favorite Moments in A League of Their Own
[Warning: Mild spoilers for season 1.] Now that you’ve had a chance to watch A League of Their Own, here’s the rest of my chat with Kelly McCormack about her favorite moments of the season. Seeing the iconic Peaches uniforms for the first time wasn’t just a goosebump moment for…
John Griffin and Harold Perrineau Talk From Season 1 Finale
[Warning: General spoilers ahead.] How are we doing, #FROMily? In case you missed it this morning, the very good news is that that cliffhanger will be followed by a second season, which was gifted this morning ahead of the linear broadcast of the finale. I always legitimately appreciate when we…
Elizabeth Saunders Talks From
[Warning: General spoilers ahead.] One of the things that makes EPIX’s From such a fun ride is the abundance of Canadian cast members. Elizabeth Saunders, who plays Donna, is a favorite from her turn on the third season of Mary Kills People [streaming on Global TV in Canada and Roku…
Corteon Moore Talks From “Broken Windows, Open Doors”
[Warning: Spoilers for tonight’s episode.] Tonight’s episode of From had us all in our feels as we learned through flashbacks about the Sophie’s Choice Boyd had to make to save his son, and back in the present as Boyd said his piece with Ellis before heading into the woods with…
Pegah Ghafoori Talks From “All Good Things…”
[Warning: Spoilers for tonight’s episode] Tonight on From, Fatima’s anniversary celebration turned into a Colony House of horrors when a misguided Kevin let his monster bae in and she promptly killed him and left the window open for her crew. While the party devolved into terror and sent everyone running,…
Shaun Majumder Talks From “Book 74”
[Warning: Spoilers for tonight’s episode.] Tonight on EPIX’s From, Father Khatri made a bold move, kidnapping Sara instead of turning her in, and then recognizing her as a vessel for some big messages. That startling realization speaks to him on multiple levels–as a man of faith, a man trapped in…
What They Said: Three Revealing Conversations from Survivor’s Remorse “Closure”
WARNING: Spoilers for Survivor’s Remorse “Closure” The latest episode of Starz’s Survivor’s Remorse featured conversations that showed characters really digging deep into their thoughts, emotions and motivations.
Two Takes: The Catch “The Knock-Off”
Who can you trust? If this episode of The Catch was any indication, the answer is just about nobody. Betrayal was running rampant as Felicity (Shivani Ghai) arose from the dead to seduce-con Margot, Gretchen (Maria Thayer, Gotham, The Mindy Project) played gold-hearted Alice 2.0 before swindling Ethan, Tessa jumped…
What They Said: Top 3 Quotable Moments from Preacher “El Valero”
Both Quincannon and Jesse refuse to give up on what they each think is rightfully theirs. While Jesse is struggling to face the consequences of his actions, Quincannon has laid his past demons to rest and is hellbent on moving forward and putting Annville on the map again. Despite a…
What They Said: Favorite Quotes from Supergirl “Worlds Finest”
Oh, Supergirl. That ending was cold. But I can’t hate on you because the latest episode has quickly become one of my favorites.
What They Said: Top 4 Quotable Moments from Black Sails “XXIII”
The dialogue in “XXIII” is phenomenal. It’s always a fun ride when Black Sails carries its viewers along without giving them the chance to catch their breath. When an episode moves at this unforgiving pace, there is no chance for a breather nor is there a respite from the information…
What Lucifer Said: Favorite quotes from Supernatural “O Brother, Where Art Thou?”
Supernatural episodes are almost always funny but thanks to the dialogue and a certain man speaking said dialogue, I laughed a lot during “O Brother, Where Art Thou?” You know, when I wasn’t busy fearing for Sam’s life or wondering what in the world was going on with Dean and…
What They Said: The Flash, “Legends Of Today” and Arrow, “Legends Of Yesterday”
Two nights of Arrow + The Flash = what more could we ask for?! I don’t know what it is about blending these shows, but I can’t help but feel that every time they come together, they somehow become greater than the sum of their parts. And that’s saying a lot…
What they Said: Top 4 Quotable Moments from Graceland “Little Bo Bleep”
Shoot outs. Fake outs. And long-awaited revelations. “Little Bo Bleep” was a jam-packed episode that wrapped up some loose ends and totally frayed others. Â It finally gave us one Sarkissian in jail and pulled back the curtain on Briggs’ master plan, but it also set up Jakes for a world…
What They Said: Favorite Quotes from Poldark “Part 4”
“What have I told you, I don’t require my wife to crochet and sip tea, but I do require her to remember she’s not a beast of burden.†No, I’m not talking about The Rolling Stones! I have to admit though, just for a second, the lyrics popped into my…
3 Moments of Goodness from Brooklyn Nine-Nine “Johnny and Dora”
The most satisfying part of this season’s finale has to the Jake and Amy kiss. Well, they kiss three times but the last one is the best one — and it means something. The Charles and Rosa dynamic was also great. I love how she’s convinced he doesn’t know anything…