What They Said: Favorite Quotes from The Vampire Diaries “Monster’s Ball” 

Episode: “Monster’s Ball”
Writer: Sonny Postiglione

 

Elena: “Hey.” Damon: “Hey, Miss Avoiding Me For Three Days.” Elena: “Avoiding you? What? We’ve been talking.” Damon: “Texting. One time. ‘Want to be my plus one at a costume ball? Winky face.'”

 

Caroline: “We could talk about the hybrid-sized jerk that you’ve been for not calling me back ever.” Tyler: How many times do you want me to tell you? I’ve been helping a werewolf pack in the land of no cell phone reception.” Caroline: “Well, lucky for you I figured out a way for you to make up for it.” Tyler: “I thought I did make up for it. A couple dozen times.”

 

Caroline: “Come on, Tyler. I mean how cute will we be as Bonnie and Clyde?”

 

Silas!Stefan: “I am very well aware of my current superpower predicament, thank you very much. And even though my brain is on the fritz thanks to an ex-fiance stalker witch who can’t seem to take a hint, that doesn’t mean that I’m not still brilliant and crafty and becoming rapidly well-versed in the power of cell-phone tracking.” Katherine: “Little tip woman to woman — don’t piss off the diabolical ones.”

 

Damon: “So, as we know, in a psychotic lapse of judgment, Bonnie brought you back to life and died in the process. May she rest in peace.” Jeremy: “She’s actually right over there.” Damon: “Whatever.”

 

Silas!Stefan: “What makes you think that I need help?” Damon: “For starters, you’re still here. As in why do you suck so badly at killing yourself?”

 

Bonnie (after listening to Damon’s plan): “Supernaturally, yeah, it’s possible. But this is the same Silas who murdered my father. He’s ruthless. Whatever spell he could do? There’ll be some consequences. There always is. So no. My answer is definitely not.” Damon: “What’d she say? Tell me.” Jeremy: “She’s in.” Bonnie: “What?”

 

Nadia: “In 1864, there was a vampire round-up in Mystic Falls.” Katherine: “Was there? I’m bad with dates.”

 

Katherine (to Nadia): “I also impersonated a teenager to get my ex-boyfriends to make out with me, staged a fake fight to trigger my lover’s werewolf curse…oooh…and I chopped off this douchey guy’s fingers with a butcher knife once — that was cool.”

 

Katherine: “I go to Paris for shoes. The shoes I remember. Everything else requires a few more details.”

 

Jeremy: “What is worse than this? What is worse than seeing you and hearing you and not being able to feel you? This isn’t enough anymore. Let Damon try to bring you back.”

 

Tyler (to Caroline): “All this and you weren’t even on the dance committee.”

 

Tyler (to Caroline): “Did I mention you’re the hottest serial killer in here?”

 

Tyler: “I thought you got Stefan a costume?” Caroline: “He’s James Dean. I went easy on him. I figured between the blood lust drama and the Damon-Elena drama, the amnesia drama, he’s been through enough.” Stefan: “Hey, dance with me. I’m buzzed and I’m on the verge of having a good time.”

 

Damon: “Lady Anne Boleyn. Now, who in their right mind would cut off a head so gorgeous?” Elena: “Uh, you, my King. My not-so-loving husband.” Damon: “Well maybe I can dance my way out of this doghouse.”

 

Damon: “Ah, guilt. Don’t know it. But I’ve heard it can be a real bitch.”

 

Tessa: “You have no idea who I am, do you?” Stefan: “No offense. But I actually have no idea who a lot of people are.” Tessa: “Tessa, formerly known as Qetsiyah.” Stefan: “The girl who wiped my memories.” Tessa: Nothing personal. A little ex-boyfriend drama.”

 

Stefan: “You, my brother, make a terrible wingman.” Damon: “Trust me. Last guy that hit on her is still paying for it.”

 

Silas!Stefan (pretending to be Real Stefan): “Good. You like Tequila.” Tessa: “Yes. But not as much as bacon.”

 

Caroline: “Hey, you want to get out of here? These costumes come with handcuffs…and you have a single.”

 

Katherine: “Who are you?” Nadia: “My name is Nadia Petrova. And you are my mother.”

 

Stefan (breaks Damon’s neck): “How does it feel, brother?”

Nadia: “You’re a fool not to run. Silas will find you.” Katherine: “Or he won’t. You’re the one who said it. I’m pretty good at dodging the diabolical ones.”

 

Katherine: “I searched every village, every cottage but I couldn’t find you.” Nadia: “You went back?” Katherine: “Yes, Nadia. I went back. For you. It’s nice to meet you.”

 

Caroline: “Wait. I’ve been thinking about it. And I’ve decided that. I’m not going to have this conversation again. I can’t just sit here while I’m waiting for you to come back.” Tyler: “I don’t want that either.” Tyler: “Then stay. Be the love of my life. Just love me more than you hate him (Klaus).” Tyler: “I’m sorry, Care, I can’t do that.” Care: “No, no, no, don’t you dare walk away from me. I swear to God, Tyler, if you take one more step we are done. OK? No more surprises. No more excuses. No more chances. We are done.”

 

Katherine: “Katherine Pierce eludes death yet again. And you two (Damon & Elena) finally did something right for once. How does it feel?” Damon: “Thrilling.”

 

Katherine: “Damon, I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die, Damon. I don’t want to die. Please.” Damon: “Goodbye, Katherine.”

 

Damon: “Do you hear that?” Elena: “You’ve got to be kidding me.” Damon: “Takes a licking. Keeps on ticking.” Katherine: “Am I in hell?”

 

The Vampire Diaries airs Thursdays at 8/7c on the CW.