Rewind and Repeat: Nick and Jess…In Bed…Together, New Girl “Virgins” 

We’ve been building towards this moment almost since the beginning of the series. Nick and Jess have always had too much chemistry and we’ve been (somewhat) patiently waiting for things to develop between these two. We have to thank the writers for not dragging this moment out for a few more seasons. Is it too soon for their first time? Probably. Will they continue running way from each other despite this big development? We’d bet on it. Are we excited to see where this goes? Absolutely. What does it all mean? We don’t know, but we like it. I mean, Nick lets Jess get on the elevator to go meet Teddy but just as the doors are about to close… cue the Ellie Goulding song. So appropriate. He picks her up and he’s done thinking, he’s done over-thinking. Loved every second of it.

Other great moments:

Winston has no game. Not only did he think those prostitutes were businesswomen, but every single piece of evidence to prove that fact gets ignored by him. So funny. I love that he’s proud of himself for lasting ten whole seconds his first time. Oh Winston, I hope you never change.

Nick and Ms. Octopussy. Such a touching moment with Nick and his dad. Nick wasn’t able to close with Ms. Octopussy, but his dad’s okay with it. Nick was a over-thinker at that age and his father just wanted to make sure he didn’t let certain experiences pass him by. Nick did discover, however, that he really likes drinking.

Schmidt is all lubed up and ready to go. Nick was supposed to vacate the room for Schmidt’s first time but he may have done some mushrooms before leaving for his Dave Matthews concert – yep, he’s a Daver. And the mushrooms may have made Nick believe his arm was a magnet stuck to the magnetic wall beside his bed. When he finally breaks free, Schmidt ends up on top of him. What ensues is a hilarious sequence of events.

Jess’s horrible first time story turns out to have a very happy ending. First of all, how funny were all the comments from the peanut gallery? And, of course her first time was with a dashing fireman. But all that build up to get her there was pretty hilarious and more than a little uncomfortable. We love that Dylan O’Brien played a very stereotypical musician type – at first. Who knew he’d turn out to be on antidepressants and possibly gay? Random note to Teen Wolf producers: Can Stiles please get some action this season?

Some great lines, written by Elizabeth Meriwether:

Schmidt: “I’m going on a date with Elizabeth. I haven’t had sex with her since I was fat and accessing my penis was like getting the remote control out of the couch.”

Winston: “Daisy called. We’re going out tonight. Yeah, she sounded pretty excited. I do believe her exact words were, ‘This is your last chance.’ So I’m very confident.”

Jess: “I already regret this. Teddy took my flower.”

Nick: “He stole a flower from you? And you want to have drinks with him?” “Oh. From your wonderful secret garden.”

Jess’s prom date: “I’m gonna freak you toward the bed. Do I have your permission?”

Jess: “Yes you do.”

Jess’s prom date: “Well, do I have your permission-“

Jess: “Just be a man and rip it off.”

Jess’s prom date: “Now I’m feeling very unsafe.”

Schmidt: “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a tuxedo.”

Nick: “I’ve worn a tuxedo. Everybody has a tuxedo.”

Schmidt: “A tuxedo is different than a suit.”

Nick: “It is?”

Winston: “So you mean to tell me you didn’t lose your virginity at your prom?”

Jess: “Technically, no.”

Schmidt: “Technically? Technically why did we listen to that whole story then?”

Schmidt: “David Foster Wallace where is the sex?”

Schmidt: “I got some lubricant. It’s to use on a woman. To increase her pleasure.”

Schmidt: “How many minutes before sex is it okay to eat?”

Nick: “I don’t think it’s an exact science. I think it depends on your frame.”

Schmidt: “So I should eat right before.”

Schmidt: “In terms of lubricant, do I put a small amount everywhere or do I use a large amount in a small, in a smaller area?

Jess: “Wait. What? You lost your virginity to prostitutes?”

Winston: “No, they were businesswomen. Who could dance sexy.”

Nick: “Winston. One hundred percent they were prostitutes.”

Nick: “I’m gonna do it to you.”

Ms. Octopussy: “You’re gonna do what to me?”

Nick: “I don’t know.”

Ms. Octopussy: “Are you crying?”

Nick: “Please excuse me, but I had to lay off a lot of really good men today at work.”

Mysteria: “What’s wrong with your friend?”

Winston: “He’s a virgin.”

Mysteria: “Aren’t you a virgin too?

Winston: “Just my penis baby. Just my penis.”

Jess: “The only antidepressants you need are in my pants.”

Other prom night guy: “It’s really a medical issue.”

Other prom night guy: “You know it’s so much easier when you’re in the shower and you’re by yourself.”

Schmidt: “We’ll have to take the batteries out of the smoke detector.”

Jess: “Ruh roh.”

We’re still not sure how to feel about Cece’s impending nuptials. Even though we love Schmidt with Merritt Wever‘s Elizabeth right now, we know he’ll do something drastic and ill-planned to get her back. We’re fine with that.

New Girl airs Tuesdays at 9/8c on Fox.