What They Said: Favorite Quotes from Archer “Skin Game” 

Episode: “Skin Game”

• “I live in a transitional neighborhood.” “As the crack dealers move to nicer ones?”

• “I hate surprises. I mean, except surprise fellatio. That I like. The non-Midnight Cowboy kind.”

• “No no. I had Korean BBQ for lunch. I cannot look at a Dr. Moreau pig baby.”

• “That’s a wetsuit.” “Of human flesh?” “Neoprene. I’m a certified diver.” “Why is it skin-colored?” “Well it’s not if you’re black.”

• “What is it with serial killers and skin?” “I’m not a… serial killer.” “Wait. Why’d you emphasize serial?” “I did what?”

• “Gross and/or ick. And is she alive?” “Yeah man. Flick her titty.” “Katya! You’re alive.” “Well on technically. Either way you’re welcome.”

• “Kreiger. Thank you! This is the- why do you have an erection?” “I’m happy.”

• “Here they are. God. Geese at the trough.” “What-” “-are you, thanks for starting my sentence for me, people standing around for?”

• “I know, right. Still crazy hot.” “How-” “Well, for one thing no bear claws.” “-is she even here?” “Wait. Does this mean you and me-” “Pam!”

• “I’m sorry. I’m a little confused.” “What? By the dead woman standing here?” “Dressed like a whore.”

• “Baby, come on. You’re not an abomination. I mean that’s your original skin, right?” “Hobo.” “What?” “Yes?”

• “Uh. Hang on. Hang on. Katya person. I’m still processing the fact that you’re a cyborg.” “Yeah, way to bury the lead.” “Who are you? Horace Greeley? And also, was I not clear about that?”

• “Just because she’s a cyborg doesn’t mean you can feel her up.”

• “Da. I have feelings just like all of you. I feel love. I live. I sometimes cry.” “Albeit a saline lubricant solution. Which reminds me. We need to talk about other uh internal-” “Ahh! Sounds like a private matter.”

• “You know it’s probably not the worst idea in the world to have someone like her working at ISIS since” “you want to screw affirmative action” “since the KGB has someone like Barry.”

• “I don’t want her to be an ISIS agent and I certainly don’t want her and Sterling back together.” “Well, I can understand the latter.” “I mean, who wears bangs?”

• “I thought you were scared of robots.” “I- no. Well not Katya. She’s different.”

• “Baby I was emotionally shattered, which turns out to be kind of a panty-dropper.”

• “A special occasion?” “Well the love of my life – this smoking hot woman – was not only murdered and then brought back to life, she also just got a job today so, yeah. Pretty special.” “Umm.” “Shut up.”

• “I am thinking about your mother.” “Don’t waste the ROM or RAM. Whatever.”

• “Does she hate what I am?” “What you are? Meaning the one woman who can free her child from the psychological prison she spent a lifetime erecting?”

• “She’d hate you no matter what you are.” “Because I did not ask to be this way.” “Yeah hey. Me either. Vis-a-vis mother.”

• “Do you think I’m a monster?” “Baby, I don’t care about the chips, and gears, and I assume some hinges. All I care about it what I see when I look into those big green…oh, I guess they’re red now huh? Anyway, your eyes.” “Da? And what do you see in my eyes?” “Mostly those insane boobs. Check!”

• “Sleep? I’ve been doing yogic breathing work for two hours. My balls are like cranbasins.” “What?” “Cranberry raisins?” “Crasins?” “Whatever, yes. I call them cranbasins.”

• “Our love, darling. It feels like… What is giant unstoppable wave?” “Wait. You know craisins, but you don’t know tsunami?”

• “Why? In the sink… is your vagina?” “Why? I mean, darling. It was dirty.”

• “I took the liberty of poaching you an egg.” “It’s not much of a liberty considering that you are going to polish my vagina.”

• “I think if you’re looking for insight into why Archer is Archer you need to jump in a time machine and then go have a threesome with Oedipus and Sigmund Freud.”

• “In the sink, Cyril. In the sink. It was like a transistor radio and a veal cutlet had a baby.” “Well gross and/or ick.” “Right?”

• “It’s almost empty.” “Just like my heart Cyril.” “Well not your liver.” “Because she ripped it out.” “Wait. Your liver?” “My heart! And threw it in the sink.” “Wait. Her vagina?”

• “Or could I have done something wrong?” “Besides leaving your cooch in the sink?” “Pam!” “What? That just sounds considerate.”

• “But, I mean, Barry did murder her. And my possible father. And more importantly tried to murder me.” “Because Barry is a psychopath. That doesn’t mean all cyborgs are like that.” “But Cyril. Machines can hurt people.”

• “Do you want to learn something?” “Probably not.”

• “And even though it’s detachable that vagina is, like, mind-shattering.” “Oh yeah? What? Does, does it vibrate?”

• “That’s my fiancee you’re talking about.” “Really?” “I can look past our differences Cyril. I’m a much bigger man than you think. Plus it’s drive mother crazy. Plus, yes, it vibrates.”

• “Ok. Bride and groom. Check. Bridesmaids. Check. Best man.” “Well, best available.” “Oh for- name one. Name one friend of yours.” “Shut up.”

• “Whoa. You kiss your mother board with that mouth? And also. Is anybody gonna ask why and how I knew to show up here?”

• “Yeah. Walk that off while I, uh, kill your girlfriend again then we do the dance.” “Actually I, I don’t think I’m in any shape to dance right now Barry.” “The dance of death idiot.”

• “Their CPUs run on photovoltaic cells. Without exposure to a light source they’ll slowly lose power.” “Hm. Like vampires?” “Like- no! Nothing like vampires idiot.”

Archer airs Thursdays at 10/9c on FX.