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What They Said: Favorite Quotes from NCIS “Devil’s Trifecta” 

Photo Credit: Cliff Lipson/CBS

[Warning: Spoilers for NCIS episodes]

Some thoughts on the NCIS episode — “Devil’s Trifecta” — easily the best episode of this season so far:

  • Is every Diane episode going to start with a husband or an ex-husband at a drive thru? I believe that’s how “Devil’s Triangle” started. Her hubby was taken at the drive thru if I’m remembering correctly.
  • The Fornell-Diane-Gibbs banter was awesome as usual.
  • Tony, Ducky and Jimmy giving McGee a hard time was worth the price of admission.
  • Love how we saw McGee’s apartment again after…how many seasons? It’s about time!
  • Gibbs “proposing” to Diane at the wedding was wonderful. I finally got why they connected at one point in their lives.
  • The Diane @ McGee’s apartment stuff was simply priceless. Points to McGee for not letting her walk all over him. Well, not too much.
  • Poor Fornell couldn’t let the whole McGee/Diane thing go…was he jealous? I guess he’s still holding a torch for Diane?
  • The Diane/Gibbs basement scene was amazing as well. I confess: I teared up when Gibbs put on his NCIS hat and said he wasn’t alone. Perfect ending to an episode.
  • The minute I saw Danny Nucci (Falcon Crest, Titanic, 10-8: Officers on Duty) in the episode, I knew the owner of the check cashing outlet was the boss of the evil smuggling operation. He was too recognizable (at least to me) to make him anything but the big bad.

Favorite Quotes

  • Beware — I practically transcribed the entire episode because Steven D. Binder did such an amazing job as writer for “Devil’s Trifecta.” It was a fun, hilarious episode with a bit of a touching moment at the end.

Fornell: “He ruined my favorite jacket. I’d have shot my own mother.”

Fornell (to Gibbs): “Thanks for comin’…” (silence) Gibbs: “Didn’t have a choice. The shooter was Navy.”

McGee: “Receive any threats lately?” Fornell: “Just from my ex-wife. But then, she lives with my bad side.”

Ducky: “Six shots right to the chest. Nice shooting. Remind me not to get on your bad side. Jethro, I think we can safely say that cause of death was…” Fornell: “One pissed off FBI agent.”

Ziva: “You were not a target of opportunity.” Gibbs: “You were targeted.”

Bartender: “Is he in some kind of trouble?” Fornell: “He’s dead.” Bartender: “That’s trouble.”

Fornell: “That’s funny. She looks just like our ex-wife.” Diane: “Well, this is coincidence. The three of us running into each other like this.” Gibbs: “Oh, I doubt that.”

Fornell: “Fitting, isn’t it? A cheater going after tax cheats.”

Diane (to bartender): “Do you know what confidential means?” Gibbs: “Do you know what obstruction of justice means?”

Photo Credit: Monty Brinton/CBS

Tony: “We got her settled in interrogation. Good thing I had my tetanus shot. I almost lost a hand.”

McGee: “And please don’t ever make me spend time alone with her again. Ever.” Fornell (to Gibbs): “She sucked you in, too. But what’s the game?” Gibbs: “I didn’t know then, I sure as hell don’t know now.”

Fornell: “No way. And enough with the girl power.” (Watch Tony’s reaction. It’s awesome.) More likely she’s finally hired that hit man she’s been talking about for years to take me out. (everyone stares at him). No (chuckles awkwardly). No . But we should put a pin in that.”

Fornell (to Gibbs): “No putting it off any longer. Interrogation time.” Tony (whispers to Ziva): “Can’t wait to see this.” Gibbs (to Tony): “Don’t worry about it. You’re gonna have a front row seat.”

Diane: “When I get through with you Agent Coif, you’re going to be wishing your parents hadn’t even been born.”

Fornell: “I won’t dignify that with a response. ” Gibbs: “You just did.”

Tony: “I bet she’s a panther in the sack.”

Diane: “It means you two aren’t the only one with a badge.” Gibbs: “Wow.” Fornell: “My breakfast burrito is about to say ‘hello.'”

Fornell: “Agent? And the Lord wept.”

Tony: “Here she comes.” McGee: “Here I go.”

Fornell: “So says the queen of pain.”

Diane: “Chucky, would you pull up the IRS main frame? Directory D. Sterling, password Tobias cheap. As I told frick and frack already…”

Diane: “You must be very proud, Jethro.”

Diane: “And me?” Gibbs: “Check cashing outlets.” Fornell: “Opposite side of town!”

Fornell: “Speaking of which, Diane is probably on his hit list, too. It’s getting late. With Lambert on the loose, she should probably…sleep at your house tonight. I’ll talk to you later.” Gibbs: “Yeah, you’re right she shouldn’t be alone. But since you married her last, I think, that means your place.” Abby: “This can’t be good.” Fornell: “I’ve got no clean sheets.” Gibbs: “Well, my heater’s broken.” Fornell: “I’ve got toxic black mold in my kitchen.” McGee: “I’ll let these two figure it out since I know the one place she’s definitely not staying…”

McGee: “Me? Being rude? This coming from the woman who spent the entire car ride over here telling me I had the worst possible haircut for my face?” Diane: “I was trying to be helpful.” McGee: “Oh, were you trying to be helpful when you told me my elbows weren’t pointy enough? What does that even mean?” Diane: “Cut me slack, Chucky!”

Diane (to McGee): “You’re an attractive man. I want to know, do you find me attractive?” McGee: “Uh, do you mean physically?”

McGee: “Look, you’re attractive. At least on the outside.” Diane: “I’ll take it.”

McGee: “I’m not hugging you.” Diane: “Why not?” McGee: “Cause it’s not gonna happen.”

Fornell: “Holy Fourth of July weenie roast. What the hell am I looking at?”

McGee: “Boss, this is not what it looks like.” Gibbs: “What does it look like?” Diane: “We were talking and we fell asleep on the couch.” Fornell: “Intertwined like horny rabbits!”

Gibbs: “We need to all…put a pin in it.”

Fornell: “McGee…you and I take the back.” Gibbs: “No…I’ll go with you.”

Tony: “N-C-I-S! Open up. We got a search warrant. And an agent keeping secrets!”

McGee: “Tony, how many times do I have to tell you — nothing happened? Wait…what rumors?” Jimmy: “The kind that would make a grown man blush, McGee.” Ducky: “Even our latest victim turned a slight shade of pink when he heard one.” Tony: “And he’s dead.” McGee: “Please don’t tell me everybody here’s talking about this.” Tony: “We’re working an IRS fraud case. You sleeping alone is more interesting.” Jimmy: “Much less you sleeping with…” McGee: “I didn’t. We didn’t. Look we found a house filled with nothing but frozen fish. That’s not more interesting to you?” Jimmy, Tony & Ducky say and nod: “No.”

Ducky: “Much as I find your sexual escapades riveting…”

Tony: “Go ahead McCasanova — change the subject.”

devil's triangle
Photo Credit: Cliff Lipson/CBS

Ziva: “That is the third in a row. Too many to be a coincidence.” Fornell: “And nobody likes those especially when they involve North Korea or couches.”

Fornell: “Did she just give us orders?” Gibbs: “Yeah. But they’re good ones.” Fornell: “I know.”

McGee: “…and I’m getting tired.” Fornell: “Didn’t get enough sleep last night, huh?”

Fornell: “Looks like McGee has a little competition.”

Tony: “And I thought the middle class here was having a hard time.”

Gibbs: “But…” Abby: “My fifth favorite word.”

Diane: “Abby already briefed me.” Gibbs: “First?” Diane: “Let it go.”

Gibbs (undercover at a wedding with Diane): “Oh…I regret this.”

McGee: “Just be careful not to knock it loose.” Fornell: “Oh, it’s not going anywhere. You spent more than enough time attaching it to my ex-wife’s bosom. Way too much time if you ask me.” Diane: “I guess he didn’t get enough last night.” McGee: “What? No I…she’s…just…Diane, the joke is over.” Diane: “Just having a little fun.”

Diane (to Gibbs): “Yes, I’ll marry you.”

Diane: “How come you didn’t just shoot him?” Gibbs: “Ah, I figure…we’ve ruined enough weddings.”

Fornell: “You never had it so good.” Diane: “OK, you were a step up from the last one but still sub-par.” Gibbs: “Hey!” Vance: “Don’t make me separate you three.”

Diane: “That was a sweet proposal. Thought you said you didn’t remember it.” Gibbs: “Yeah, well, I thought you didn’t either.” Diane: “Certainly didn’t remember how sweet it was.”

Gibbs: “You gotta let it go, Diane. I couldn’t and I drove everybody away. And…the last thing you want to be is me.” Diane: “You’re not so bad.”

Diane: “How do you know everything?” Gibbs: “I don’t…I don’t…I…I  just learned how to listen.”

Diane: “Well, what about you? Don’t you think there’s somebody out there for you? Or are you destined to spend the rest of your days alone?” Gibbs: (he puts his NCIS hat on) “I’m not alone.”

Daddy DiNozzo is back next week. Yes, Senior joins Junior for Christmas and I’m beyond excited. However, I’m even more excited to finally see where Tony lives. NCIS “You Better Watch Out” airs Tuesday December 18 @ 8/7c on CBS.

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  1. Joshua

    All the communicaes between Gibbs, Fornell and Diane were off the hook. My personal favorite was the scene in the Director’s office where Diane talks to her boss acknowledging she’ll follow orders, hangs up, calls her boss “Idiot” like any frustrated middle manager knowing she can’t say what she really wants to a higher up, Vance explains she’s been promoted to GS-11 and she flashes the IRS federal agent badge that looks like it came from a cereal box, and from there the laughs began as Gibbs is surprised and says, “Wow!” and Fornell says, “well, my breakfast burrito just said hello!”

    When she flashes the badge, I was thinking, “well, I’ll be God-damned! I don’t believe it.” The crazy sorry excuse of a sexy mature woman who a year ago needed her ex’s help to track down her current fed husband now can do that on her own since she’s officially a fed too. Talk about saying “hello boys, I’m back, just as pissed off and I have the license to carry a gun too, so watch your six.”

  2. Sarah

    Every time I rewatch this episode, I’m just reminded how much I’m going to miss Melinda McGraw <3

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