Behold the power of cheese! I love this goofy show, and trust me when I tell you I am a discerning cheese TV consumer. I adore finding a show that lets me leave my brain on the charger for an hour without making my head hurt from overwhelming stupidity or badness. Hawaii Five-O is not a great show. It could be someday, but right now itâ€™s a straightforward paint-by-the-numbers procedural with some sex appeal and swagger thrown in and a dash of heartfelt drama. You will call bullshit loudly and often. Go with it, people. Partake of the scenic Hawaiian scenery and the lovely dudes (and Grace) and in this outing, the zip-bang direction of Brad Turner, who knows what heâ€™s doing.
All that disclaimering out of the way, what actually happened this week? The episode opens with a heavily-guarded former NSA operative, Roland Lowry, motoring to a meeting at an air force base at 6:15 am. We know the time because heâ€™s chatting on his cell phone with his son, Evan, whoâ€™s unhappy about theÂ wake-up call (to start studying), when all of sudden the limo is crunched in a deliberate accident and Lowry is whisked away while the kidâ€™s hollering â€œwhatâ€™s happening??â€ into the phone.
This is interspersed with a voiceover of William Sadler (aka Papa McGarrett) talking about his kids and being a cop, while Steve gazes thoughtfully at a tape recorder. Danny barges in with donuts, and he and Steve banter a bit about Dannyâ€™s inability to shed the button-down shirt, tie, and chinos. Danny makes the case that heâ€™s dressed appropriately for a detective, to which Steve responds, yes, just not in Hawaii.
They get called to the case and Kelly (ever handsome on a motorcycle) and Kona join them. The cousins talk about her graduation that night and he fronts that he may or may not come, departmental bad seed vibes and all. They go back to the precinct to interview Evan and are soon joined by Lowryâ€™s girlfriend, Natalie. Meanwhile Kelly has reviewed video and seen that a wounded kidnapper retreated to a hotel, so they go search. In the first Bullshit! moment of the night, Danny hollers â€œHere!â€ when they get to the top floor, like that wouldnâ€™t tip the dude theyâ€™re looking for. Once on the roof, the boys then argue about how best to elicit info from the bleeding suspect. After Danny wakes the guy up by soaking him with a hose, Steve opts for dangling him off the roof (after taking his fingerprint in his own blood) while Danny wants to reason with him. Kelly interrupts when the fingerprint comes back with an ID from Interpol that says their suspect is a really bad dude.
Danny and Steve search Lowryâ€™s home and find that he was sitting on quite a stash of computer equipment, so they call in Toast, a guy Danny helped previously whoâ€™s useful 42 minutes a day as a premium hacker. The other 23 hours and change, heâ€™s baked. They pre-pay him with lollipops and he gets onto Lowryâ€™s system and pronounces that heâ€™s built a skeleton key that unlocks all encryption (common MacGuffin in procedurals these days). Meanwhile Kona is at home with Evan and Natalie, and about the time the boys are piecing together that their injured kidnapper is a Serb, they realize Natalie is, too (Bullshit! moment #2 is that Lowry would not have done deep background on a girlfriend, and the actress playing the part was Ivana Milicevic).
Kona and Natalie throw down and then Peter Stormare (!) shows up and shanghais them and Evan to an air strip where theyâ€™ve been beating the crap out of Lowry. A quick cell phone call with the misguided coordinates brings Danny, Steve, and Kelly crashing in to save the day.
As the episode closes, Kona takes account of her injuries in the mirror and grieves that she wonâ€™t have her graduation after all. She zips her uniform, still on its hanger, back into the carrier bag and steps forlornly out into the squad room to find the menfolks standing at attention and dressed in their uniform blues (well, Steve is in navy blues), and I got a wee bit sniffly in honor of the cheese. They each take turns gifting her (a gun from Steve, a patron saint medallion from Danny, and I think nunchucks from Kelly/somebody tell me!). Steve apologizes for putting her in harmâ€™s way and says they are a family and will always take care of each other. Then Kelly swears her in and she repeats the police oath back to him.
So, not a complete waste of an hour but definitely not rocket science. I thoroughly enjoy that Steve seems to know everything and Danny happily calls him on it. I like that underneath their needling of each other, they do actually like each other in spite of themselves. I saw the makeup graduation scene coming from down the hall and outside the building, but it didnâ€™t make it any less sweet. Iâ€™m so glad all of these actors are working. They have a lovely energy that is getting rarer and rarer to find in ensemble cop shows See you next week.
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