What They Said: Favorite Quotes from The Vampire Diaries “Handle with Care” 

Episode: “Handle with Care”
Writers: Caroline Dries & Holly Brix

 

Elena: “I like our life when it’s like this.” Damon: “But it is our life, which probably means somebody’s gonna walk through that door and shatter it.” Elena: “Don’t say that.” Damon: “In 10…9…” Elena: “Just let me enjoy the moment.” Damon: “6…5…” Elena: “Damon, today is the day that we’re gonna bring Bonnie back.” Damon: “3…2…” Elena: “Damon, it’s a good day.” Silas: “Greetings.” Damon: “1.” Silas: “Good morning, frenemies.”

 

Damon: “What’s with the home invasion, Silas?”

 

Stefan: “Oh, Tessa, hi.” Tessa: “You’re confused. Is that the amnesia? Or the tequila?” Stefan: “Um, I think both. I’m still trying to piece together last night.” Tessa: “We bonded over our misery. There were body shots. The misery lifted.”

 

Tessa (to Stefan): “Get up, gorgeous. Your doppleganger dies today.”

 

Elena: “But you’re kind of evil. No offense.” Silas: “None taken.”

 

Silas (to Elena): “Did you want me to pinky swear?”

 

Damon: “New Jersey? The supernatural other world is bound by an object in Snooki’s backyard?”

 

Elena: “It’s ok, Jer. We all want the same thing today. Silas dead. Bonnie alive.” Silas: “Yeah.” Damon: “AKA Put the damn crossbow down, Pocahantas.”

 

Jeremy: “We’re just supposed to believe that he’s gonna bring Bonnie back to life out of the goodness of his heart?” Silas: “Well, I hope not. I mean, I am kind of a monster.”

 

Silas: “Ahh, man, I really love being a witch again. I feel like I’m constantly reinventing myself. I’m like a supernatural Madonna, don’t you think?”

 

Tessa: “You know that old ancient story I told you about the Travelers? Oh, wait, you don’t. I fried your brain and took your memories. Sorry.”

 

Stefan: “You know what? I think I still need to be drunk to understand this story.”

 

Silas: “You, you’re not going. Men only.” Elena: “Are you serious? He’s not serious.” Damon: “No, he’s not serious.” Silas: “Actually, I’m one hundred percent serious.”

 

Katherine: “In exchange for a place to stay and Elena’s meal card, I will help you deal with Dr. Whoever.” Caroline: “Dr. Maxfield. He teaches Bio.” Katherine: “I’m sorry, what? You’re scared of a teacher? Aww honey, you really need to take a crash course on Villain 101. Luckily for you, I have an honorary doctorate. What do you say, roomie?”

 

Tessa: “Uncanny. Your doppleganger voice is exactly like Amara’s. So whiny.”

 

Tessa: “May I leave him [Stefan] a message?” Elena: “Yeah. Remind him that you’re a crazy bitch.” Tessa: “I would but I think that’s maybe his type.”

 

Elena: “Tell me what?” Damon: “Silas needed his psychic juju to get into Tessa’s head and the only way to temporarily reactivate his ability was to break Stefan’s neck…a couple times.”

 

Silas: “Knock, knock. Knock, knock. Who’s there? The Mayor. Mayor who?” Damon: “Well who?” Silas: “No one. That’s a joke. No one’s there because I killed the mayor.” Jeremy: “You’re a dick.”

 

Elena: “I’m really sorry. I wouldn’t have let Damon do what he did to you…” Stefan: “Sure you would have. You have this annoying tendency to do anything he tells you to do.” Tessa: “I’m no shrink but I think it’s called codependence.”

 

Stefan: “Who said I was sleeping with Tessa?” Tessa: “I am so bad with messages.”

 

Silas: “How do you do it, Damon? How do you stand being here while your girlfriend sits at home worrying about her doppleganger’s soulmate?” Damon: “It’s called being secure. I’m assuming you know a little bit about that by the way you wear your hair.”

 

Damon: “That’s not fate, you idiot. It’s you being a crazy person.”

 

Bonnie: “I didn’t want to miss the excitement. It’s not every day a girl comes back from the dead.” Jeremy: “Don’t jinx it.”

 

Bonnie: “Jer, just so we’re clear. I would die a hundred times over just to have you standing here alive in front of me.” Jeremy: “Before today is over, we’re gonna know what…that…feels like.”

 

Katherine (pretending to be Elena): “Did I forget to RSVP? Oh, sorry, I’ve just been so busy with my studies.” Diane Freeman: “We just started the tea.” Katherine: “Got any food?”

 

Katherine: “What? Are you the sandwich police?”

 

Tessa: “So sad. Let me guess? Gluten-free?”

 

Stefan: “Wait, do you have a duck?” Tessa: “No. But maybe I can lure one inside. I got Elena in. How much smarter could a duck be?”

 

Jeremy: “We were so close.” Bonnie: “I know we were. Now go help him kill Silas.”

 

Damon: “Why do you witches always go for the daylight ring? I was about to do your little Eurotribe a favor. I want to kill Silas too.” Traveler: “That’s the problem. We don’t want him dead yet.” Damon: “Well, that’s not gonna work for me.”

 

Dr. Maxfield: “You’re oddly calm. Which only adds to my complete and utter terror.”

Caroline: “You know what? I just broke up with my boyfriend for good. My heart is in pieces. Sue me for having a moment.” Dr. Maxfield: “My apologies. Is the moment over?” Caroline: “Yes, it is.”

 

Elena: “It’s weird. Even with no memory, you’re…still you.” Stefan: “Well, Tessa was going to kill you. And you don’t seem like you deserve that…so I was just going on instinct. That’s all.” Elena: “Exactly. That’s what I’m sayin’. Your instincts were always to protect me. Thank you for — for just being you.”

 

Damon: “Elena, meet crazy pants. Crazy pants, meet Elena.”

 

Tessa: “I made a mistake when I found you. I eased your pain. You used to have a lot of pain, remember? You killed your own father. And then forced your brother to become a vampire. And that was just the start of your reign of terror. You hated yourself for a century. But then you found her. It didn’t last very long.” Stefan: “Stop it. Stop it, please.” Tessa: “But the ending is the best part. Because you actually felt real pain. Physical pain. Torture, remember? You were trapped in a safe. Tossed in a quarry. Water flooded in. You tried to scream. You tried to escape. But all that you could do was drown over and over and over again. The only thing keeping you sane was the hope that one day one of the two people you loved would come rescue you. But they didn’t. I did. Always remember that.”

 

The Vampire Diaries airs Thursdays at 8/7c on the CW.