By using our website, you agree to the use of our cookies.

Moment of Heartbreak: Sam and Dean’s Closing Conversation, Supernatural “The Purge” 

Photo Credit: Diyah Pera/The CW
Photo Credit: Diyah Pera/The CW

People with weight issues are dying. Their fat gets sucked out of them while they’re still alive. In no time flat, a man goes from 300 pounds to 90. This diet plan? Not much fun. What was fun? Getting to see Sam all fitness’d out and teaching yoga. Dean in a hairnet and eating laced salted caramel pudding (it’s ‘sweet and salty!’). And that scruff. He still has it and it’s amazing. How great was that cop lady? I really enjoyed her scenes with the boys. And she really touched me when she told Sam and Dean about her husband leaving her.

Eric Charmelo and Nicole Snyder wrote “The Purge” and I have the urge…to tell them it was an enjoyable episode. Well most of it was anyway. Then the darkness, pain and anguish came storming in giving us yet another whopper of an emotional end-of-the-episode conversation. But before I get to that sadness, let’s talk about the case of the week.

Some thoughts

-Dean is not sleeping. He’s doing research on Mark of Cain. His humor is still a little off. He’s clearly not himself.

-I really think that if Sam doesn’t want to be brothers he shouldn’t ask Dean if he’s okay. I mean, it’s all business between them, right?

Photo Credit: Diyah Pera/The CW
Photo Credit: Diyah Pera/The CW

-Dean and that cop eating the powdered doughnuts = a whole lot of awesomeness. I love the actress who played Sheriff Hanscom.

-So Sam has also dated someone bend-y. Will we ever get to meet Sam’s equivalent of Lisa?

-I adore how Sam’s adventure in yoga instructing didn’t go perfectly. The fact he asked the class to stay in the downward dog position for five minutes was so funny. There’s no way I would ever do that. 30 seconds was sooo much more manageable. And him trying to high five his students after the class was over was so silly…in a good way. Although high five’s seem so un-yoga like.

-And I don’t know how the girls (and maybe some of the guys) in the class were able to concentrate with Sam lookin’ so fine in that yoga outfit. Man, Jared is just so incredibly fit. I mean his arms alone. It’s ridiculous. Ridiculously hot.

Photo Credit: Cate Cameron/The CW
Photo Credit: Cate Cameron/The CW

-Dean the lunch lady: 1. Of course he sampled the pudding. 2. Eww to his hygiene issues with re-using the spoon he used to sample the pudding. 3. Only Dean could rock the hairnet look. I am beginning to think nothing can make Jensen look bad. Nothing.

-It did my heart good to see Sam rushing after a drugged Dean. I don’t even remember the last time we got a scene like that. But, of course, my heart was then pulverised by the events of the end of the episode. Apparently, my heart had quite the workout watching “The Purge.” Only I didn’t lose 10 pounds in 30 seconds. Boo.

-Of course Dean knows what roofies look like.

-It was so nice to see Sam investigating a case sans Gadreel inside him. And he got to fight. Sure Dean is the one who got to do away with the pishtaco (Alonso) but small steps. Sam didn’t get knocked out or tied up or anything. Yay Sam!

-I’m kind of tired of the friendly monster debate. Kill them? Don’t kill them? Can we just not cover this in any way ever again? We just got a version of this last week with the friendly werewolves.

-Sam and Dean searching for the MOTW in the dark was very suspenseful and well done. Kudos to the director.

-Hey Show, no more Kardashian jokes. I’d prefer they never be mentioned anywhere ever again.

Moment of Heartbreak

Photo Credit: Cate Cameron/The CW
Photo Credit: Cate Cameron/The CW

Moment when you realize you may be too invested in a pair of TV Brothers: When one tells the other he wouldn’t save him and then you sit there stunned. And incredulous. And a little bit teary-eyed. Not full on sob tears but little ones just on the edge threatening to fall but they don’t. I probably should have realized this before, but I need to get myself a support group that’ll help get me through these dark times between the brothers. I’m serious. I can’t take much more of this. Actually, a few of us had an impromptu support group session on Twitter after the episode aired. Just check my timeline. Two days later and I’m still in a bad way over this which is why, once again, I put this review on hold. But, alas, here’s what went down:

Sam and Dean are back at the bunker. Dean brings up last week’s painful conversation.

Dean: “You know, Sam. I saved your hide back there. And I saved your hide at the Church. And the hospital. I may not think things all the way through, okay? But what I do, I do because it’s the right thing. I’d do it again.”

Sam: “And that…is the problem. Y-you think you’re my savior. My brother, the hero. You swoop in and even when you mess up you think what you’re doing is worth it because you’ve convinced yourself you’re doing more good than bad…but you’re not. I mean, Kevin’s dead. Crowley’s in the wind. We’re no closer to beating this angel thing. Please tell me, what is the upside of me being alive?”

Dean: “You kidding me? You and me — fighting the good fight together.”

Sam: “Okay. Just once. Be honest with me. You didn’t save me for me. You did it for you”

Dean: “What are you talking about?”

Sam: “I was ready to die. I was ready. I should have died. But you, you didn’t want to be alone. And that’s what all this boils down to. You can’t stand the thought of being alone. I’ll give you this much. You are certainly willing to do the sacrificing…as long as you’re not the one being hurt.”

Dean: “All right, you want to be honest? If the situation were reversed and I would have died, you’d do the same thing.”

Sam: “No, Dean. I wouldn’t. Same circumstances. I wouldn’t.”

The first thing I thought of after Sam said he wouldn’t — well, actually, the first thing I thought after I got over my stunned, incredulous, teary-eyed phase — was Sam not looking for Dean after he got dropped in Purgatory. The question why was never answered before. But I felt like we finally got an answer here. And, yes, I’m somebody who still can’t come to terms with that particular act considering Sam really never had proof that Dean was dead. So I figured searching for him would have been first on his list. And then after a period of time where he couldn’t find his brother, then he would go live his life. But that’s not how it turned out. Sam didn’t look for Dean. At all. And we’ve been waiting so long for a real explanation — this conversation might be as close as we get.

Man, every time I think a Winchester tête-à-tête can’t get more painful — it does x 1000 (and I know I say this every week). And, yeah, at least they’re talking. And not keeping secrets and holding things in. And I’m still on board with the fact Sam’s angry and he feels he can’t trust Dean. He was out of commission for so long. It’s going to take a while to work those issues out. I hope he keeps on voicing them. I just hope they don’t come out quite like this one did. It’s also going to take a lot of time to repair this sibling relationship. I’m just impatient is all. I want them better now.

In the meantime, I’m finding I have to re-watch excerpts of the season eight finale and the season nine premiere after each episode that features a painful end-of-the-episode conversation. I have to remind myself Sam listened to Dean and they agreed to choose each other. And I don’t mean to go all harsh on Sam, because I love the guy. But while I think that some of what he said has validity,  sometimes I feel like we’re remembering things differently. I think it was this particular line:

Sam: “I’ll give you this much. You are certainly willing to do the sacrificing…as long as you’re not the one being hurt.”

Again, there’s some validity there. But  just some. I mean, Dean wanted to say yes to Michael. Sam wouldn’t let him. Instead he was the one to take on Lucifer. I get that it was a redemption thing but why was it good for Sam to say yes and not Dean? As controlling and as my way or the highway as Dean can be (and he can be all the damn time), he has sacrificed himself and not just let others pay the price. Hell, anybody?

And as frustrated as I am with Sam’s reasoning I also think about the way I get when I’m angry and seeing red. I get facts wrong. My logic is abandoned. So I’m going to wait and see what’s coming next. Clearly I’m trying to calm myself down as I type. And it’s two days later. By the time the next new episode airs — Tuesday Feb. 25 — Sam and I will be good. And I will be keeping a sharp eye on Dean to make sure he’s okay. ‘Cause he’s kind of acting like he did in season five when he was just about ready to say yes to Michael. You know, all dead inside. And that’s never good.

If this conversation is one of those things where things have to get worse before they get better? Then great. But let’s get them better once and for all and get off this deconstruct and reconstruct cycle of pain and anguish. Each season I always have to remind myself how this is a journey. Still, I think it’s great that I’m completely invested in this show and these brothers nine seasons in. I blame Jensen and Jared. Those two owe us all gift bags or something for hanging in there through thick and thin. Or at least a hug.

Supernatural airs Tuesdays at 9/8c on the CW.

Related posts


  1. Terri

    How many times has Sam tried to or saved Dean. I don’t get why he had his panties in a bunch when he’s done the same thing. He’s not even interested in the sign of Kane? Sam is different. Gadreel left?

  2. Abby S

    Man! That was so very painful but so very needed. It finally got some key words out into the area that they have been sparing in and two brothers, to talk about huge problems, namely selfishness. It’s no wonder that Sam thinks that Dean has saved him for his own good; after all Dean keep insisting on the natural order, that what is dead should be dead, but that none of his little maxims apply to Sam. Dean has no rules for saving Sam. It isn’t a secret and we all know why.
    There was a look of complete confusion on Dean’s face when Sam call’s him out on it. “What are you talking about” was delivered with shock and a twinge of horror at the idea and the prospect that Sam was about to explain it to him. It has NEVER crossed his mind that he was doing for anyone else except Sam.
    Save Sam.
    It’s encoded in his DNA.
    End of story.
    The most painful line of all was Sam’s accusation that Dean is only too willing to sacrifice when he doesn’t have to be the one being hurt. As my sister pointed out, didn’t we just watch and episode about how Dean gave up his one shot at a normal life because of his obligation for Sam? Didn’t Dean go to hell to save Sam? Didn’t Dean put on Death’s ring to try to earn Sam’s soul back? It seemed below the belt, and yet I can see what Sam is saying. All the times he saved Sam, there were consequences that he didn’t consider, some person who got hurt in the process(Dean doesn’t think things all the way through). For starters, Sam was the one “hurt” but the demon deal. He had to watch Dean get dragged to hell and then be left alone. That was unfair to Sam, according to Sam. Sam told Dean when he was in the mental hospital having the final meltdown from his missing wall “you knew this would happen when you put my soul back in.” Sam is referring to the collateral that his life has cost, the people, like Kevin, who have been killed. I think.
    Sam seems to just want all of it to stop. He seems broken to be, tired and sad. He’s alone as much as Dean is, only he already found what he wanted with Amelia. He could find it again, and he knows it. He also knows that Dean doesn’t, can’t and won’t. Sam calls Dean out on it and even though for a moment Dean is truly confused, when Sam uses the word “selfish” Dean just scoffs and gets up from the table. That is the only word Dean would never associate with; He knows he is a lot of things, but selfish he has never been. Yet, as Dean is reeling from the word, or even thought that anyone of his actions for his little brother having been done for himself, he realizes that he doesn’t have a comeback, or anything to say to prove otherwise.
    Even if it isn’t true, what can he show in his defense that doesn’t look this way?
    So what does Dean do? He goes back to the one argument that has made his world make sense; family. It is the word that proves he isn’t selfish. When you do things for family, you’re doing the right thing. And you’d do them again. Family means doing whatever it takes. Family is always having your back. Family is forgiving and moving on because if you don’t have family, what do you have? It’s not so much that Dean can’t handle being alone, it’s that Dean can’t live without family. Drill into him. He recites it and believes it. It’s the glue that holds him together. He did what he did for family. How is family that selfish?
    Need we mention that Sam’s definition of family isnt even in the same solar system as Dean’s? We’ve known this for some time and yet we have always trusted (minus the soulless Sam drama) that he has always had Dean’s back. That he would always be there for his older brother “I’d do anything for my big brother.” ( I believe this still but man! The truth hurts)
    Sam’s confession that he wouldn’t save Dean isn’t a shock to us. He didn’t even try to look for Dean when he vanished. I know Sam thought he was dead, but he’s a Winchester and knows better that when you “vanish” out of thin air, there is more to the picture than just death. Sam was going to move on, as they promised. But Bobby pointed out, that was a non-agreement.

    Same circumstances, Sam wouldn’t save him.
    I was puzzled at first the crushing look on Dean’s face as Sam walked away. Was it me or did we see tears in his eyes? Someone might as well have just told him Sam was dead. We’d see the same look. But since we know this about Sam, so clearly, why is Dean so devastated stunned and hurt?
    Because, he only heard one thing “I don’t have your back. (you can’t trust family) There are some things I wouldn’t do for you (Family isn’t the be all end all thing for me), and I will not be there for you.”
    Dean was flashing back to Soulless Sam betraying him, not having his back, letting him get turned into a vamp, he was remembering how Sam lied to him about not having a soul, and realizing Sam is now like that soulless monster he feared.. He was thinking about Sam and the demon blood, he was remembering that Sam wasn’t the one who helped him out of purgatory, that while he gave up everything for Sam and Sam won’t do the same for him (which coincidently is the definition that Dean has for proving you’re family). Every feeling of betrayal that Sam has ever caused in Dean came surging back up –
    Even when Dean was doing his “suicidal” monster hunts (pick a season) he has never lost his desire to be “in the fight” and be there for Sammy. Hell, it was the reason he walked away from his one chance at normal. The one thing that has driven him has been Sam. I believe that we have always seen Dean want to remain alive for Sam. Not for any other reason, but Sam. The season where we see Dean “dead inside” was season five, where we get a taste of how much Sam’s actions affected him. Dean died inside because his brother had abandoned him for a demon, because his brother chose a demon over family. Here again, is that pesky little “family” thing.
    If he doesn’t have Sam believing in him, or “putting family first” – what reason does he have to live? And with the Mark of Cain burning on his arm, he doesn’t have Sam to have his back. Sam won’t be there to save him from what he has to do. The thought of Sam, his brother, his only family saying that he doesn’t want to be family, is too much for Dean to handle.
    The last time things are bad and the debate over family was hashed out, Dean threw a way his amulet.
    That look on Dean’s face was that of a broken (and still grieving man) realizing that he is alone.

    Anyway, that is my best attempt at understanding what is happening to my heart as I watch it break to a million pieces over these two very unreal, made up characters… well, I keep telling myself that in the hopes that I will believe. Nice try!

  3. KM

    I think neither brother is seeing the whole truth here. Sam thinks Dean chose himself over Sam. Twice in two episodes Sam chose to live for Dean over what Sam thought the right thing to do was (close the gates of hell and then die when he was in the hospital). Both times Dean asked him to and he agreed to at least fight to live. But Dean had already chosen to trick Sam and then to lie to him….I don’t think Sam sees that as anything other than a huge betrayal that puts Dean’s own desires above Sam’s. In this instance what exactly did Dean have to sacrifice? And now Dean sees nothing wrong with that, even says he would do it again. It doesn’t surprise me that Sam would now equate every sacrifice Dean has ever made for him as Dean really just taking the least painful route (for Dean) to Sam being alive and sitting next to him in the Impala. Dean even says something similar. When Sam asked Dean what the upside to him being alive is, Dean says you and me together fighting the good fight.

    But of course that’s not the whole truth, but Sam isn’t in a place to appreciate that. And Dean isn’t in a place to hear the “same circumstances” when Sam says that he wouldn’t save him.

  4. Arafel

    “Sam: “I was ready to die. I was ready. I should have died. But you, you didn’t want to be alone. And that’s what all this boils down to. You can’t stand the thought of being alone. I’ll give you this much. You are certainly willing to do the sacrificing…as long as you’re not the one being hurt.”’

    IMO, this, more than anything else makes all of this predominantly Sam’s “truth” about the brothers’ relationship and little else. I’m curious as to whether we will finally get some version of Dean’s “truth” about the brothers’ relationship or if we’re yet again only going to get Dean accepting all the blame that Sam assigns to him as the “authority” on the brother relationship; meaning Dean apologizing and bowing and scraping for Sam to forgive him his trespasses against a Sam who only ever sees himself as the victim of selfish, selfish Dean. Ugh. This was awful. I hope Dean will be allowed to answer Sam’s accusations this time instead of just bowing to another one of Sam’s guilt trips again. I’m so over the redundancy of that version of the so-called “all-loving” brother bond. Dean looked liked glass ready to shatter into a million pieces at the end of that scene. I SO! hope that the writers will take the The Mark of Cain sl where it so organically seems to be going. Jensen has upped his game again in that respect, IMO. Dean seems to be at the breaking point now. Will they go there, though. Geez, I hope so. With every fiber of my being.

  5. Michelle

    I have a bad feeling that it’s going to come down to Dean’s life hanging in the balance because of the Mark of Cain. We don’t know what it means yet and what consequences come with having the Mark. Sam might have to eat his words after all is said and done.

Leave a Reply

Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.