Beanies, Bandanas and Breaking Free, Nashville “Two Sides to Every Story” 

After a week off, Nashville came back with a tinsel explosion all over Rayna’s house and several characters appearing in public under false pretenses. But only one looked like a pregnant Hamburglar riding a Jazzy ® which, as any southern lady will tell you, is about the least subtle way to stalk a boyfriend. But I’ll get to that.

Ruke decided to promote their Christmas album (and themselves) by shooting a Toys for Tots special at Rayna’s house and it’s lights, camera, action all weekend with staged moments of “family time” and mistletoe. Deacon swings by to give Maddie her guitar lesson and exchanges pleasantries with Rayna while Luke tolerates his presence from afar. And he shouldn’t be so jealous of Deacon since he’s about to close the deal anyway; once they wrap this Christmas charade up, Ruke and the kids will be heading for Australia to celebrate the holidays and their wedding vows.

But not before that pesky Rolling Stone issue hits the stand—and apparently Rayna neither warned Deacon just how much she revealed of their past nor why she opened that closed book with the reporter to begin with. Hello? Ever heard of damage control, Rayna?

Juliette and Avery are kind of getting along, mending their relationship, but pregnancy hormones! Those do not kid around. Juliette overhears Avery on the phone and thinks he is talking about a potential love interest, so she decides to stalk him with the help of her reluctant assistant. If you don’t want to stand out in a crowd, let me suggest that you not cover half your face with a bandana, wear Raybans and a big hat while driving a motorized chair. Unless you want to cause this hilarious scene:

So, Juliette humiliates Avery in front of potential client Sadie Stone… and herself too. As if that weren’t enough to ruin Avery’s day, he hooks up with Gunnar and Zoey to meet with a big-time band manager who is interested in ZAG. Gunnar and Zoey’s issues come to a head right in front of the guy. Awkward! Avery tells them to pull it together and then heads backstage to get ready for their set at “Winterville Nashfest.”

But Zoey has had enough. I guess she’s not ready to be fitted for a pair of mom jeans just yet! Zoey not only leaves the band, she leaves Nashville for sunny Los Angeles. And that’s when my twitter feed blew up. Is actress Chaley Rose leaving the show? Has she been written off forever? I hope she will be back because I really love Zoey.

So what do you do when 33% of your band walks out the door 20 minutes before you’re supposed to hit the stage? Hope you have a friend who knows all the lyrics and has the voice of an angel! For the first time since having a nervous breakdown on stage, Scarlett pushes down her PTSD and presents one of the best musical moments of the night:

I haven’t even mentioned my favorite married duo, Will and Layla. Their reality show is a hit, much to Layla’s dismay. But the farce has weirdly bonded the two and they decide to hit a hipster music fest in order to take a break from being country music’s Newlyweds. Their disguise works way better than Juliette’s and the pair split with the intention of meeting back up when they are ready to go home. Will settles in to enjoy a drink and discovers not every gay man in Music City lives in a closet full of Wranglers. Layla finds herself singing some original material to a tent full of non-country music fans who have no idea who she is.

Then guess who wanders in? The guy we all love to hate, Edgehill exec Jeff Fordham. Just five minutes earlier, he told his assistant that he’d rather drive in silence than listen to Layla’s latest demo. And now here he is, drooling over what he already has. It’s like in those movies where the awkward girl gets a makeover and the popular guy finally sees her beauty, only Layla was already beautiful and now she’s wearing a beanie. A few scenes later, they are talking about Joni Mitchell and Jeff’s long lost music dreams. I found myself liking him at one point and it’s like I don’t even know myself! But that’s not all. Jeff apparently has more game that I give him credit for, because he charmed the pants right off a girl he’s tortured for months. She wasn’t even drunk or roofied, and it didn’t look all that cold outside.

While all of this is going on, Rayna still hasn’t been able to get Deacon to talk to her. He is crazy mad and Luke can’t understand why she is so hung up on Deacon’s reaction to her Rolling Stone revelations. Obviously, Luke’s heart doesn’t melt when Deacon smiles like mine does. And I am afraid Rayna’s may not melt anymore either!

Deacon declares his love for her AGAIN— and she basically tells him to move on and leaves him standing in his front yard. Later, while Ruke sings the most rape-y duet in holiday repertoire, Deacon rips a Rayna sticker off his guitar case.

Y’all, I am beginning to think this wedding may actually happen. I’m seeing rehearsal dinners and wedding dresses in the winter finale preview—and also a collapsed Deacon.

Nashville airs Wednesdays at 10/9c on ABC.