Nashville “Nobody Said It Was Going to be Easy” 

Lots of daddy issues on Nashville this season — So. Many. Daddies. 

Maddie has two daddies with a third on the way, and none of them are doing too well right now. Bio-dad Deacon has just about had enough of touring with Soon-to-be-Stepdad Luke Wheeler. Meanwhile, the dad that raised Maddie, Nashville mayor Teddy Conrad, has started partying with Music City’s biggest tool, Jeff Fordham. And let’s start there because, frankly, it was my favorite part of the night.

So, apparently Jeff and Teddy are BFFs now, and Jeff invites Teddy over to hang out again. Well, guess who’s there? Natasha from last week. She’s so smart and fun and “a good listener.”

Cut back to Teddy’s daughters, Maddie and Daphne. Teddy left Maddie in charge of Daphne while he parties with Jeff. While Teddy is away, she invites Luke Wheeler’s son (and future step-brother) Colt, plus a ton of other kids back to their house and of course the impromptu party gets out of control. Kids are fighting and breaking stuff while Maddie and Colt are behind closed doors, sitting on a bed, sharing their feelings. Maddie even moves in to kiss her almost step-brother, but thank God the cops busted in before they got past first base! Poor Daphne was freaking out and since she couldn’t get ahold of her daddy, she called 911.

Cut back to Teddy in Jeff’s backyard sitting by the pool. Everyone has disappeared and Natasha takes her listening skills to the next level (it’s a lot easier to listen topless). At this point, I turn to my husband and say, “I’m calling it now: Natasha is a hooker.”

The next scene shows Teddy and Jeff saying goodnight to the ladies and Teddy GUSHING like a schoolboy: “She’s smart, funny, sexy as hell — she is the full package!” Jeff: “Well, you get what you pay for.” Oh, it feels so good to be right.

So basically, Mayor Teddy missed frantic phone calls from his 10-year-old daughter because he was busy playing naked Marco Polo with a hooker. Classic Teddy. Remember last season when he was banging Deacon’s girlfriend in a parked car overlooking the city?

Anyway, all the daddies’ phones blow up (and Rayna’s) – and pretty soon everyone’s on their way back to Nashville to deal with the children under one roof. That was just as awkward as you can imagine. No wonder those girls are acting out. The only parent around is skinny-dipping with prostitutes!

Not to worry, though. Teddy and Rayna have a plan: they are getting the girls a nanny. When this was revealed, my husband turned to me and said, “Do you know who would be the perfect nanny? NATASHA!” Indeed. She is thoughtful, intelligent, and knows all the right things to say. How disturbed should I be that my husband really wants to see this plotline happen?

Meanwhile, Gunnar is wrestling with the news that he is allegedly daddy to 9 ½-year-old Micah. I say allegedly because I’m not convinced. Why now? Anyway, after seeking advice from Scarlett, Gunnar decides he is going to pursue a relationship with his son and talks Kiley into staying in Nashville a little longer. He is hugging Kiley right at the end when a freshly fired Zoey walks in the house. That’s right — Juliette fired Zoey for finishing her song while Juliette collapsed backstage. The same Zoey who picked up the phone and called Avery when Juliette was being rushed to the hospital with tour-canceling blood clots. Hey Juliette—this explains why you don’t have a lot of friends!

But at least Avery is back and sober. I am loving that he showed up at the hospital and that in the end he decides to forgive Juliette — but with a hitch. He will be this baby’s father but tells her he can’t be in a relationship with someone he doesn’t trust. Understandable. But I am hoping a little time will heal this Jeff Fordham-sized rift.

In non-daddy plot news, Scarlett has a new friend, homeless singer Terry, played by guest star Mykelti Williamson (Forrest Gump, Justified). He helped her finish a song she was working on last week, and this week we found out he has some sort of tragic past.

The crazy is coming to a head with Will and Layla. Last week, she was contemplating suicide and this week, she is drinking a ton and acting psycho in front of everyone, including the reality show cameras. I think Will needs to sleep with one eye open.

A non-minor point, the show started with the CMA nominations and practically everybody on the show is nominated — and competing with each other. “Ruke” began the episode thrilled for each other’s respective nods, even though the two are both nominated for Entertainer of the Year. That looks to explode into trouble here in a couple of weeks. Can Ruke handle the competition, their children necking and Deacon smoldering on the sidelines?

We’ll have to wait two weeks to find out because next Wednesday the real CMA’s air live from the real Nashville.

Nashville airs Wednesdays at 10/9c on ABC.

RELATED STORY: I interview the songwriter who wrote “Breathe In,” the song Deacon sang in last night’s episode.