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Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. “Yes Men” 

Photo Credit: ABC/Kelsey McNeal
Photo Credit: ABC/Kelsey McNeal

Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. is starting to make me feel dumb, and I do not like that. And I don’t mean ‘dumb’ like ‘I’m dumb that I’m still watching this show and still kind of digging it,’ but ‘dumb’ as in, ‘The reasons you went to Journalism School and not Law School are really, really, apparent, Tobes.’ That hurts me in the feelings, S.H.I.E.L.D. Well, that one feeling I have that isn’t anger, bitterness, resentment or hunger.

It was pointed out to me after last week’s review that whomever was keeping the big, blue alien on ice in the Guest House wasn’t trying to regenerate him (her? Who can tell?) as I said, but was, in fact, harvesting the fluid from it, which of course makes much more sense, duh. It’s also ten times more horrifying and awful to have the Smurf King in some sort of stasis in order to harvest from it, like buzzards pecking at a warthog that’s wounded but not dead. But still: Harvest = Logical; Regenerate = Not. My bad.

This week’s Moment of Duh is a more serious matter than what’s really going on with our blue alien friend. And again, it had to be pointed out to me and I should have noticed it myself; I feel shame.

Photo Credit: ABC/Kelsey McNeal
Photo Credit: ABC/Kelsey McNeal

As you know, Lady Sif (Jaimie Alexander) who is awesome, comes to earth to retrieve Lorelei (Elena Satine: Smallville; Magic City) who is the ultimate Mean Girl and who just escaped after 600 years in an Asgardian prison. Stands to reason she wants to stretch her legs. Lorelei uses sorcery to control the hearts and minds of men with her voice and her touch. Sometimes her voice is enough; sometimes, with a man with a really strong will, she needs to touch him, oddly enough, it can be through his clothes, not skin on skin. Whatever.

So, do they give Ward noise-cancelling headphones or earplugs so he can’t hear her or does he make sure she never gets close enough to touch him? NO. Because apparently the entire S.H.I.E.L.D. team is watching a totally different show than us, and that’s their Moment of Duh this week.

Photo Credit: ABC/Kelsey McNeal
Photo Credit: ABC/Kelsey McNeal

Enchanted, Ward takes Lorelei to Vegas and she gives him a ‘gift.’ She has sex with him. That’s her gift to her new warrior. Aside from ‘ick’ and I really want Ward to put his clothes back on, and God, Lorelei just talks, talks, talks all the damn time, just shut up, already, woman, this is where things get problematic, and I didn’t even notice.

Had the roles been reversed, and Lorelei been a man and Ward a woman, trust me, I would have been the first person hollering about how his ‘sorcery’ was nothing more than a mental roofie, and that the act of having sex with someone under enchantment basically equalled sexual assault. If it’s not something you would have done if you weren’t under the power of a spell (or drugged) then that’s assault. But because Ward’s a guy, and Lorelei presents as young and hot, it’s not a problem. But it should be. It is. If Ward were Skye and Lorelei were Loki, I’d be furious right now, and rightly so, instead of vaguely uncomfortable and icked out.

So I’m really glad Sif kicked Lorelei’s ass. Not to defend Ward’s honour, such as it is, but because I really, really don’t like her. She rubs Sif’s nose in the fact she took away Sif’s love, mocks her relationship with Thor, disparages her role as one of Odin’s warriors, macks on Ward in front May and then tells her that it’s not May that he has feelings for. Worst of all? She turned Fitz into a simpering, adorable little lap-dog that Coulson had to knock out. Poor lamb. You’re a mean girl, Lorelei. Mean girl.

Even better than the Sif/Lorelei fight was the physical battle between May and Ward. Where Sif and Lorelei were confined to one room and a sword that breaks in two, Ward and May had one whole floor of the plane and everything on it to hit each other with, throw each other into and smash each other through. While Ward was enchanted and fighting for his new lady-love, May was fighting with her frustration, anger, hurt and sense of betrayal. She is mad, and she is going to make Ward pay. It was beautiful.

Random Thoughts

  • How clever was it for Philip, Son of Coul (can we all agree to refer to him exclusively as that from now on? Because that’s the greatest thing I’ve ever heard) to get Sif to name all the blue alien species she’s encountered? Nicely done.
  •  Skye as the voice of reason, who knew? Basically telling Coulson to suck it up, accept they’re both alive and move on.
  •  Agent May is spying on Coulson. Didn’t see that coming.

Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. airs Tuesdays at 8/7c on ABC.

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