Why do you do this to me, SHIELD? Why? I’m loyal. I have hopes. I show up every week, and even when you disappoint me, I come back. You promise me so much and deliver so little. Why can’t I quit you, SHIELD? Why?
At the end of the final episode before the Christmas break, ‘The Bridge,’ the promos promised answers to Coulson’s (Clark Gregg) Tahiti fixation. I took that to mean we’d finally learn where he went, what happened after he died and who in blazes he is now, because it sure ain’t human.
Well, two out of three ain’t bad. Clearly my expectations need to be lowered. Tahiti, as it turns out, is not a magical place; it’s a false memory placed in Coulson’s brain to cover up the fact he was, in fact, being de facto tortured by SHIELD to make him not be dead anymore. And not dead for 18 seconds or whatever giant lie they told him; dead for days. Days! I don’t want to do anything I like for days, let alone get my brain messed with by a robot surgeon and undergo seven (seven!) invasive operations.
May I be the first to say, “Ew.” People and things die for a reason, it’s sad and painful and really, really sucks, but if Pet Semetary taught us anything, it should be this: Don’t mess with the natural order of life and death. Nothing ever comes back from the grave whole and hearty; there’s always something just a little bit off. And the reason is simple: Playing God just pisses off the real God.
So we know where Coulson wasn’t (Tahiti) and what happened (multiple surgeries involving him actively begging for the sweet release of death), but we don’t know ‘Who.’ Who is Coulson now? Or what is he? Why was Nick Fury so Hell-bent on interfering with the natural order of things and what has he created in Coulson’s place? Grief is a terrible thing and it’s hard, it’s so heartbreakingly hard to have to see someone you love and respect leave this earth. But Fury, dude, you really need to learn to let go.
Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD airs Tuesdays at 8/7c on ABC.
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