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What They Said

What They Said: Favorite Quotes from Castle “Number One Fan” 

Photo Credit: ABC/Richard Cartwright

Episode: “Number One Fan”
Writer: Terence Paul Winter


Beckett: “Castle. Are you asleep?” Castle: “Yes.” Beckett: Then why’d you answer me?” Castle: “I’m sleep-talking. Also known as somniloquy. Just ignore me.”


Beckett: “I might as well just apply to become a mall cop.” Castle: “Ooh, you would look great on a segway.”


Beckett: “What am I gonna do? Just sleep in every morning and screw around till the phone rings? What kind of life is that?” Castle: “Mine.” Beckett: “Sorry.”


Castle: “You’re with me now. You don’t have to work.” Beckett: “I don’t need to work? Does that mean you’re my sugar daddy?” Castle: “Oh. Hold on. That didn’t…come out…actually, I’m still sleep-talking. I can’t really be held responsible for whatever I say.”


Castle: “Boom. Believe it’s me now, Emma? Because I could play Richard Castle trivia with you all day. I will crush you.”


NYPD Hostage negotiator guy: “So we’re gonna need a code word that tells us that you need help. So what’s your favorite food?” Castle: “Oh uh…are we talking everyday food or fine dining? If desserts are included…” Beckett: “Cheeseburgers. He loves cheeseburgers.” Castle: “I do enjoy a good cheeseburger.”


Beckett: “Listen, I’m kinda looking forward to spending the rest of my life with you so don’t do anything stupid in there, okay?” Castle: “Don’t worry. I think I already hit my stupid quota for the day.”


Emma: “You want demands? Okay. I want you to prove my innocence.”


Castle: “No cheeseburgers. I repeat…no cheeseburgers. (looks over at the hostages) Cutting down on red meat.”


Castle (to Emma): “Scotch girl. Me too. Boy.”


Beckett: “We’re just trying to enjoy our engagement. Why is everyone trying to rush us?” Kevin: “Think you’re being rushed now. Wait until after the wedding. Not ten minutes from the altar, they’ll all be like, ‘When are you two having a baby?'” Espo: “Bro, your wife’s hormonal because she’s pregnant. What’s your excuse?”


Espo: “Ladies and gentlemen, this is a booty call gone wrong.”


Castle: “Emma is unstable to say the least. But that’s not the worst of it. There’s a hostage — he’s seen Die Hard too many times — he’s gonna try and be a hero.”


Sully: “Or maybe she’s just some crazed fan like Kathy Bates in Misery. You should be happy you didn’t get hobbled. Right?”


Beckett: “How does Sully find anything on this desk?” Castle: “I don’t know. He must have a system. I think that was once a bagel.”


Castle: “Hey. And I brought doughnuts.” Mickey: “Um…gluten-free?” Castle: Dude, they’re doughnuts. Either you’re in or you’re out.”


Emma: “And I’m sure they all had a laugh off all the adjectives describing me, right? Manic…bipolar…violent…murderer.” Castle: “Well, not to be a stickler but murderer isn’t an adjective.” Emma: “I’m not an idiot.” Castle: “Sorry. I get sarcastic when I’m nervous.”


Castle: “Cheeseburgers! Cheeseburgers. Ow, it worked. (pointing at his writer bullet proof vest) She dotted the ‘i’!”


Castle: “That hurts.” Beckett: “Yeah, well, getting hit by a projectile traveling at a thousand feet per second’s gonna sting a bit.” Castle: “Yeah, I think that’s gonna leave a mark.” Beckett: “All that matters is you’re okay now.” Castle: “Oh, I’m better than okay, Beckett. I know who the killer is.”


Castle: “And don’t you see? Just like that vest protected me, Emma’s adoption papers? They’re protecting the killer.” Espo: “You know that made no sense, right?”


Espo (to Beckett): “You are aware that you don’t actually work here anymore, right?” Beckett: “I’m sorry. Old habits.” Espo: “Okay. I will grab Sully and go check again just in case. But not because you asked me to…cause I was actually on my way to…”


Beckett (about Ryan): “You better start talking before he pulls out his cuffs.”


Castle: “Looks like Mr. Stokes is gonna be trading in his big house for the…Big…House.”


Beckett: “Captain, I don’t have a career to risk. How about I back you up in there?” Gates: “Okay.” Castle: “Captain, I too have no career to risk…why don’t I…maybe I should…you know what I’m gonna do…is I’m gonna stay here. I think you guys have got this handled.”


Espo: “Just wait. Before you get all lawer-y, we already know everything.”


Espo: “There’s just one thing that we’re not so sure about.” Ryan: “Are you gonna make a deal and plea to murder? Or are you gonna take your chances in court?” Espo: “Do lawyers have lawyers?”


Aaron Stokes: “I’m Aaron.” Emma: “Emma.” Aaron: “Happy Birthday.”


Castle: “Wow. And to think you boys mocked me when I had this made four years ago. I think I’ll have it framed.” Ryan: “Hey, what does it say about your writing when your number one fan tries to kill you?” Castle: “That was an accident.” Espo: “Been one inch higher it would have been a tragedy.” Castle: “But on the bright side, your autographed copies of Deadly Heat would be worth more.” Beckett: “Not funny, Castle.” Castle: “Little bit funny.”


Espo: “You know, Beckett, despite your fiancee’s near death, today was fun.” Ryan: “Yeah, we miss working with you.” Beckett: “Good. Because I’m back.” Castle: “What? What happened…what about the Commissioner’s hiring freeze?” Beckett: “Mr. Stokes had a conversation with the commissioner and apparently he found some money.” Castle: “So you are back. Which means…I’m back. Am–am I back?” Beckett: “Yes. Captain Gates said that you can serve as a consultant again.” Castle: “But how does that…because now we’re in a– so do we have to hide our relationship? To keep it a secret?” Beckett: “Well, the commissioner is aware of it and said that it’s okay as long as we behave professionally in the workplace. And Captain Gates said that that can be our engagement gift.” Ryan: “Hey, everybody, listen up. Beckett is back.” Castle: “And tonight at the Old Haunt, drinks are on the house.”


Castle: “Congratulations.” Beckett: “Thank you.” (Beckett and Castle go in for the kiss) Castle: “Whoa. Actually, no. We can’t. Not here. It’s uh…inappropriate. This is the workplace. We gotta be professional.” Castle: “Uh, well, you know, I’m not officially back until tomorrow.” Castle: “I see.” (Castle and Beckett kiss. The end.)

Castle airs Mondays at 10/9c on ABC.

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