By using our website, you agree to the use of our cookies.
What They Said

What They Said: Favorite Quotes From Archer “Sea Tunt: Part 2” 

Photo Credit: FX
Photo Credit: FX

Archer “Sea Tunt: Part 2”

Written by: Rick Cleveland and Adam Reed

  • “If this is some sort of ruse…” “Are…was there a follow-up, or…” “No. I was leaving the consequences to your imagination.Trust me they are grave, as in watery grave?” “I…” “Sealab out.”
  • “So, I have a question.” “How are none of these a mini-bar?”
  • “The whole time you knew this crazy Murphy character was going to bomb New York with nerve gas?” “Well-” “Not to mention D.C. and Miami.” “Which no one who matters will miss.”
  • “How many maen does Murphy have?” “Mmmmmmm, like two?” “Oh, then-” “Score. Two score, so around like forty.”
Photo Credit: FX
Photo Credit: FX
  • “So since we’re talking about forty hostiles I have a follow up question.” “Something something danger zone.” “Ahhh.” “I know. I’m not even trying anymore.”Archer-” “Noop. Randy. I’m camera dude Randy and this pathetic, trout-shouldered excuse for a boom operator is Chet.” “Shut up. What’s pathetic is your plan.”
  • “Wait. You have an actual plan?” “Duh, yes Lana. So obviously they’re gonna search us for weapons when we get down there so, wait whaaaaaaat? Something else danger zone.”
  • “God d*mn it Archer.” “No, that was just an experiment. I wanted to see if Ray looked gayer without his [mustache.]” “You know-” “But you don’t. You just look as gay.”
  • “Noop. Lana move. I’m skippering.”
  • “A**hole!” “What Lana? I clearly called skipper. And I clearly said ‘seatbelts’ so you only have yourselves to blame.”
  • “Jesus, Ray! Your nose is broken.” “Really?” “Cyril, gear bag. First aid kit.” “Just give him a couple tampons. What? That’s their job.” “Really?” “Just give him some tamp-” “I don’t have any.” “Do you…think that was wise?” “Meaning?” “Well I’m just assuming, I mean your breasts are slightly bigger, you’re-” “Shut your stupid mustachey dickhole and drive the godd*mn submarine.” “Slightly irritable?”
  • “I wouldn’t piss on her neck-stabbing *ss if it was on fire.” “Ugh, is this the infamous Edie?” “Yeah, Pam thinks I should forgive Cecil since he’s the only family I have left.” “Who could forgive a person who buys a boat this big with no bar on it?”
  • “There was a ton of booze on the helicopter.” “Exactly. Was.”
  • “May I finish? But since I have zero experience skippering submersibles I should probably have something light. So Cyril I’m thinking, um, coffee liqueur?”

    Photo Credit: FX
    Photo Credit: FX
  • “You drink it, you replace it. Grain alcohol is a key component of a good a bug-out bag.” “A what?” “Bug-out bag? Oh my God. For teotwaki?” “The bear from Star Wars?” “The end of the world as we know it?” “Pam’s, like, gay for doomsday. She thinks our whole society is gonna collapse if we run out of oii or whatever.” “If? You mean when.”
  • “Well, God bless corn subsidies.” “Who are you, Earl Butz?” “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
  • “I said I was sorry.” “No. You didn’t.” “Oh. Well I was planning to.”Oh, well then no hard feelings.” “Good because your sh*tty sarcasm notwithstanding, I’m glad that’s behind us so we can enjoy what is probably a once in a lifetime ad-“
Photo Credit: FX
Photo Credit: FX
  • “Again? Seriously? Why are you puking so much?” “Ugh, because shut up and steer.”
  • “I was gonna say ‘bitching and periody’ but then I thought better of it.”
  • “Do you think this is some kind of trap?” “What? No. I don’t think it’s a trap. Although I never do. And it very often is.” “And that’s how they died…”
  • “Well, it’s no Harry’s bar, but here you don’t have Hemingway grabbing your tits every time you-” “Did I misread that?” “What do you think?” “No?”
  • “We only have ten hours before I’ll be forced to launch my missiles.” “Which are where again, exactly?”
  • “You heard me! I want fifty million dollars.” “Join the club.” “Right?” “That’s how much I could’ve gotten for the hydrogen bomb so that’s how much I…what do you mean, join the club?” Oh, that’s just an idiom that means-” “I know what it means you toboggan-wearing ass. Why did she say it?” “Oh. I assume because I’m penniless?” “What?!”
  • “You really spent your whole inheritance on…the poors?” “Well, and scientific research. The Sealab alone cost two hundred million.” “Wh-? How did it cost that much?” “Well, apparently they bought a bunch of nerve-gas missiles and hid that expense in the budget, which I never bothered to read. Or look at.”
Photo Credit: FX
Photo Credit: FX
  • “Let me just read my list of demands. Ahem. One, A fifty year worldwide moratorium on fishing. Two-” “I’m sorry did you mean whaling?” “That’s number two if you’ll let me-” “Wait. You want to end all fishing?” “For fifty years?” “At least. The fish have to replenish.” “Okay that’s it. I’m calling bullsh*t. I want to see the missiles. Now.”
  • “You don’t have any missiles.” “Yes, I do. I’ve got…like fifty.” “Fifty?” “Ten?” “That’s still a lot.” “Shut up. Captain Murphy, how long have you been down here all alone?” “Two years.”
Photo Credit: FX
Photo Credit: FX
  • “A gun? Are you insane? Do you know how much pressure we’re under?” “Honestly, and I don’t know why this is, but it never really gets to me.” “Wait wait wait wait wait. I think he means water pressure.” “And air pressure! The tiniest hole in the hull would be catastrophic.” “The hole is gonna be in you.”
  • “Okay okay okay, uh, okay, uh one of two things is going to happen now.” “Oh. Okay. Ohhh.” “Ahhh!” “Okay, now one of one thing is going to happen-“
  • “We don’t want to go outside idiot!” “It’s the next pod.” “Oh. Duh.”
  • “So what, now we die in…a break room that I would die to have at ISIS?” “Right?”
  • “C’mon you guys, get it off him!” “No no, there’s no time. Plus I think the weight of it’s the only thing holding in my intestines.” “Ew.” “Save yourselves. Let this compartment flood up to that next hatch…and seal it behind you and run.”
  • “ISIS? Jesus Christ, no wonder this all went tits up.” “Hey!” “Forgive my candor. I just felt my spleen slip out of what was my anus.”
  • “So one of you is going to drown.” “Yep, got that.” “Temporarily.” “What?” “A hundred yards to the DSV. Best case, for a strong swimmer, in two minutes. The water’s ice cold, help delay the brain damage. Use the defibrillator on the DSV to restart the heart.” “Yeah, but whose heart?” “Weakest swimmer.”
  • “Plus you’re a woman?” “Yeah. A pregnant woman.” “What?” “That’s why I haven’t been drinking, that’s why I’ve been puking, and that’s why my boobs are so huge.” “Well I wouldn’t say ‘huge,’ but-” “When were you planning to tell me?” “When I finally figured out how to tell you it’s not yours.” “Awkward. Ignore me, sorry. I’m dying.”
  • “Get it together! We both know this isn’t your first time as a cuckold. Or at least now we both know it. And for real? You’re pregnant?”
  • “Okay, here it comes. You’ve just got to relax and let it go in your mouth.” “Phrasing.”
  • “Scarlet Letter…O’Whora!”
  • “Lanaaa! Would you hurry up?” Said the guy apparently too busy counting his bionic legs to help.” “You are gonna sass yourself right out of a carseat!”
  • “Is he…are you?” “The man who cheated death?”
  • “I need to brush Ray’s tongue out of my mouth.” “I didn’t give you mouth to mouth.” “C’mon, admit it. You Frenched me Ray. You can lie but your boner can’t.”
  • “So although Sealab was destroyed…” “It was insured for three times its value, so now I”m richer than ever!” “And I have forgiven you for being such an incorrigible douche.” “No one cares, because most importantly-” “I cheated not only death, but also somehow irreparable brain damage.” “That remains to be seen. And shut up because Lana is going to be a mother.”
  • “Ray, I’m sorry. C’mon I was wrong.” “Really?” “Yeah. Without the mustache you look, like, a billion percent gayer.”

Season 5 of Archer returns in 2014.

Related posts

Leave a Reply

Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.