By using our website, you agree to the use of our cookies.
What They Said

What They Said: Favorite Quotes From Archer “Viscous Coupling” 

Photo Credit: FX
Photo Credit: FX

Episode: “Viscous Coupling”

  • “Is something burning?!” “No, maybe you’re having a stroke.” “I’m not having a stroke.” “That’s great mother. Keep those periodic updates coming.”
  • “We’ve got dates.” “Meaning the fruit of the date palm?”
  • “My cooch has cobwebs on it.” “Ew.”
  • “Mother, hey, you wanna go get a drink?” “You know, as a matter of fact, I do.” “Oh, okay, uh-” “And as another matter of fact, I am. With Ron. At the bar in the Tuntmore. And if he plays his cards right, he’ll be wetting a lot more than his-“
  • “Do you even hear yourself?” “It honestly comes and goes.” “Well since, thanks to you, I didn’t do the former now we’re doing the latter.”
Photo Credit: FX
Photo Credit: FX
  • “I really think I’ve changed, you know, and or matured.” “Ha!” “No, I’m serious with the cancer and my possible father dying, and uh…um, oh by God! The tinnitus!?
  • “Archer.” “Hang on, should we get that?” “Get what?” “Wait, is the phone not… Damn you tinnitus! You’re a cruel mistress. But seriously, do you not hear that?” “Yes, now. It’s your phone.” “Oh. Duh.”
  • “I know I’m not perfect but you have to admit I’m better.” “Than?” “Than I was. And, also than Cyril could ever be.” “First of all, Cyril-” “Cheated on you as much as I did, Lana. And I’m ten times handsomer than him, so-“
  • “What happened to your idiot voicemail?” “I’m doing this new thing where now it just rings. It drives people crazy.”
  • “Ok, Lana, check ya later.” “What? What about all that just now?” “All what just now?” “About how much you’ve matured and you want to get back together?” “That’s what you heard? Wow, your ears are even worse than mine.”
  • “He is on space station? But why?” “Well, you know, I hate to say this but obviously he met someone else.” ” Sterling. Please.” “Yeah, that was the third dumbest thing I’ve ever said.” “Uh, wait. What were the first two?” “Buddy, you’ve just sold a time share… make that two time shares! Goddamn maintenance fees.”
  • “Kay. Let me get that straight. You wanna help psycho cyborg supervillan Barry, who’s trapped in space like General freaking Zod get back to Earth so she’ll dump him for you?” “Right!? When Barry gets back she’ll realize what a dick he is so she’ll need somebody to talk to so enter Sterling Archer, the sensitive friend.” “What is this opposite world?”
  • “Bup bup bup bup bup. Stop. My penis can only get so erect.”
Photo Credit: FX
Photo Credit: FX
  • “I just want to help you finish your new spaceship, why is that weird?” “Why is that weird? Because my sworn purpose in life is to murder your little buddy Archer?”
  • “Archer? No way, man. I hate that guy.” “Since when?” “Since he, um, slept with my girlfriend.” “I wish.” “Keep it up.” “God, that is just classic Archer.” “Right? I mean, not a huge surprise for a self-centered alcoholic who feels compelled to sleep with every woman he meets because that’s the only way to fill the emptiness inside where his mother’s love should- ow!” “Do what?” “One sec.” “What the sh*t?” “What? You said be convincing.” “Convincing not deliberately hurtful.”
  • “I mean it, Lana. That girl is out of here.” “Aww, and right when she was gonna invest ten million dollars in Isis.” “She said that? Oh my God that phony prospectus must have worked! Do you think the money’s in here? Come on! Help me look in these boxes!” “Mallory!” “What? Oh. Dammit.”
  • “So, yeah… Krieger’s helping Barry finish his rocketship and when he gets home he can tell you about the other woman.” “The what?” “Wait. How’d we get to another woman?” “Oh my God. Do you have proof of this?” “No, I can probably get some?” “Sterling, if Barry really is cheating on me…” “And also, if I can prove it somehow…” “Then he will be dead to me. Because I will kill him with my bare hands.”
  • “What’s that?” “Nothing what? Oh, you mean that. Sorry, that’s just, uh, a sympathy boner.”
  • “How is this my fault? You were the- holy sh*t, there really are nerve gas canisters up here. I thought that was a joke.” “How is that funny?”
Photo Credit: FX
Photo Credit: FX
  • “Christ Ray! Is it too much to ask, just once, to be unconscious in a bathroom without being sexually assaulted by… you, um, have a dart in your neck.” “So do you.” “Oh, sorry I accused you of-” “It’s ok.”
  • “Pam you’d better not be making pornos!”
  • “Wait does that even hurt your hands?” “The only thing that hurts is my heart. And when Barry gets back his heart will hurt because I will rip it out.”
  • “Krieger! Why is Barry rocketshipping away from the freaking space station?!” “Because Newton’s third law of motion?” “Hey thanks, Neil deGrasse Tyson!”
  • “Now who do I have to screw to get a drink around here?” “Nobody ma’am. Unless you want. And if you do want, I can be bottom. No problem there.”

Archer airs Thursdays at 10/9c on FX.

Related posts

1 Comment

  1. SterlingMaloryWingerBluth

    Googling the “idiot voicemail” quote brought me here. Trying to find a meme of that though.

Leave a Reply

Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.