What They Said: Favorite Quotes from Supernatural “Trial and Error” 

Episode: “Trial and Error”
Writer: Andrew Dabb

Kevin: “Holy Crap! Holy crap.” (Kevin faints)

Dean (to photo): “Hey Mom.”

Sam: “Not bad.” Dean: “Not bad? I haven’t had my own room…ever. I’m making this awesome. I’ve got my kickass vinyl. I’ve got this killer mattress. Memory foam — it remembers me. And it’s clean, too. There’s no funky smell. There’s no creepy motel stains.”

Sam: “You made these?” Dean: “We have a real kitchen, now.” Sam: “I know. I just didn’t think you knew what a kitchen was.” Dean: “I’m nesting, OK? Eat.” (Sam takes a bite of the burger) Dean: “Huh? Yeah.” Sam: “Wow.” Dean: “You’re welcome.”

Dean (to Kevin): “Wow, you look like hammered crap.”

Dean: “Are you sleeping?” Kevin: “Not really.” Dean: “Are you eating?” Kevin: “Hot dogs, mostly.” Dean: “Sure, uh, yeah, breakfast of champions. Look, I’m gonna feel dirty saying this but, you might want a salad and a shower.”

Kevin: “I know, I’ve been getting bad headaches and nosebleeds. And I think maybe I had a small stroke.”

Dean: “Come here, you smelly son of a bitch.”

Kevin: “The tablet says…’whosoever chooses to undertake these tasks should fear not danger, nor death nor…a word I think means getting your spine ripped out through your mouth for all eternity.” Dean: “Good times.”

Sam: “So what — God wants us to take the SATs?” Kevin: “I guess…He works in mysterious ways.” Dean: “Yeah, mysterious douche-y ways.”

Kevin: “I’ve only been able to crack one of the tests so far and it’s gross. You’ve got to kill a hound of hell and bathe in its blood.” Dean: “Awesome.” Sam: “Awesome?” Dean: “Yeah. Hey, if this means icing all demons, I’ve got no problem gutting some devil dog and letting Calgon take me away.”

Dean: “Well, hellhounds like to collect on Crossroads deals. So all we got to do is track down some loser who signed over his special sauce ten years ago, get between him and Clifford the Big Dead Dog — easy.” Kevin: “Doesn’t sound easy.” Sam: “It’s not.”

Dean: “And the kid needs something to eat that’s not ground up hooves and pigs’ anuses. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”

Sam: “But trust me on this. This whole saving the world thing? It’s a marathon. Not a sprint.”

Dean: “OK, well, big time mojo means big time freak. So, anybody have a horseshoe shoved up his ass?” Sam: “That’s one way of putting it.”

Dean: “Yeah, you had me at weird.”

Dean: “Well, let’s go visit the Beverly Hillbillies.”

Dean: “If you come across anything about hellhounds, drop a dime, OK? ‘Cause between the claws and the teeth and the whole visibility thing, those bitches can be…real bitches.”

Dean: “I got you a present. The, uh, blue ones are for the headaches. And the green ones are for pep. Don’t O.D.” Kevin: “Thanks?” Sam: “Are you sure about that?” Dean: “Sam, we are on the one yard line. It is time to play through the pain.”

Sam: “And if we find someone?” Dean: “You get ’em clear. I spike Fido. The crowd goes wild.”

Ellie: “Ever worked a farm before?” Dean: “Definitely.” Sam: “We’re quick learners.”

Carl: “Oh, come on. They seem like swell guys.” Dean: “Well, he’s right. We’re swell.”

Dean: “I miss my room.”

Dean (to the horse): “I hate you.”

Dean: “We’re gonna have to go stalker on this one, Sammy.”

Ellie: “Her last album was a bunch of holiday songs for dogs. My favorites were: ‘Jingle Bark Rock’ and ‘Don’t Pee on this Tree: Happy Arbor Day.'” Dean: So she’s the devil. Ellie: “Pretty much.”

Ellie: “I’m gonna need one of you inside, serving dinner and pouring drinks. A lot of drinks.” Dean (to Sam): “OK, well, have fun. I won’t wait up.” Ellie: “And somebody’s gonna man the grill.” Dean: “What kind of grill?”

Dean: “Impressed?” Ellie: “I do like a man who can handle his meat.”

Cindy: “Really? Keep it coming, Ken Doll.”

Cindy: “Get cancer and die, old man.” Noah: “You first, sweetie.”

Dean: “Any guess who signed on the dotted line?” Sam: “I have no clue. It’s brutal in there.”

Kevin: “Hey Dean…good news…uh, I think…kind of…” Dean: “Don’t oversell it.” Kevin: “Sorry.”

Dean: “I’ll take care of the, uh, x-ray specs, you stay here. Do not let J.R. and the gang out of your sight, all right?”

Cindy: “Oh, look. Daddy’s drunk and armed. Must be Christmas.”

Noah: “You know anything about hunting, boy?” Sam: “A little bit, yeah.”

Ellie (to Dean): “I think you’re really hot. You want to go to my room and…have sex?” Dean: “What?”

Dean: “Raincheck?” Ellie: “This is one night only. Sorry.”

Dean: “Crowley. Poncey guy, about yea big, mountain of dicks.”

Dean: “Yes, I can. You want to know why? Because it’s what I do. And buddy, I’m the best. See, I gut Old Yeller out there and maybe — just maybe you walk away. I don’t — you’re meat. So sit down, shut up…and put these [handcuffs] on.”

Dean: “I need you to be safe, Sam. That’s what I need.” Sam: “What? What am I? When are we ever safe?” Dean: “This is different.” Sam: “How?” Dean: “Because of the three trials crap. God’s little obstacle course. We’ve been down roads like this before, man…with Yellow-Eyes, Lucifer, Dick friggin’ Roman…we both know where this ends. One of us dies. Or worse.” Sam: “So what? You just up and decide it’s going to be you?” Dean: “I’m a grunt, Sam. You’re not. You’ve always been the brains of this operation. And you told me yourself that you see a way out. You see a light at the end of this ugly-ass tunnel. I don’t. But I tell you what I do know. It’s that I’m gonna die with a gun in my hand…’cause that’s what I have waiting for me. And that’s all I have waiting for me. I want you to get out. I want you to have a life…become a Man of Letters, whatever. You, with a wife and kids and…and grandkids…living until you’re fat and bald and chugging Viagra. That is my perfect ending. And that’s the only one I”m gonna get. So I’m gonna do these trials. I’m gonna do them alone. End of story.”

Dean: “If you try and follow me, I’m gonna put a bullet in your damn leg.”

Noah: “You sing like crap so explain the music career.” Cindy: “Hello. Auto-tune!”

Ellie: “Just in time.” Dean: “Are you OK?” Ellie: “I’m good. And I bet you’re great.”

Noah: “I need to take a leak.” Sam: “Hold it.”

Ellie: “I did it for my mom, Dean. What would you do for your mom?”

Dean (to hellhound): “Oh, so you’re Crowley’s bitch. I guess pets really do look like their owners.”

Ellie: “You need to go to a hospital.” Dean: “Aw, I’ve had worse.” Sam: “Yeah, he’s had worse.”

Sam: “I’m closing the gates. It’s a suicide mission for you.” Dean: “Sam…” Sam: “I want to slam hell shut, too. OK? But I want to survive it. I want to live and so should you. You have friends up here. Family. I mean, hell, you even have your own room, now. You were right, OK? I see light at the end of this tunnel. And I’m sorry you don’t. I am. But it’s there. And if you come with me, I can take you to it.” Dean: “Sam, be smart.” Sam: “I am smart. And so are you. You’re not a grunt, Dean. You’re a genius. When it comes to lore — you’re the best damn hunter I have ever seen. Better than me. Better than dad. I believe in you, Dean. So please, please, believe in me, too.”

Sam: “I can do this.”

Supernatural airs Wednesdays at 9/8c on the CW.