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What They Said

What They Said: Favorite Quotes from Archer “Legs” 

Photo Credit: FX
Photo Credit: FX

Episode: “Legs”

  • “Good morning, floor. Good morning a**hole smoke alarm! And good morning, medical bills. Oh, and your friend crippling debt.”
  • “It’s broken?” “Huh?” “The elevator’s broken?” “Huh?” “The elevator?” “Huh?” “THE ELEVATOR?” “Outta order.” “I can see that.” “Why the hell did you ask?”
  • “Well, A, The El Camino is not a car-” “Truck. Whatever.” “Nor is it a truck. It’s a-” “Vehicular hermaphrodite?” “Shut up. And, B, wait. What was B?”
  • “Yes and you did excellent legwork.” “Yeah, but now it requires literal legwork Ray, like walking and maybe running. Although hopefully not running because I’ll be in brand new shoes.”
  • “Oh, blow me.” “Why? You couldn’t feel it.”
  • “I’m just curious-” “A bag. I piss and sh*t in a plastic bag.” “Me too! But, actually, I was wondering if you’d like to walk again.” “No, Krieger, because this way I never have to buy new shoes!” “Yeah but is that worth it?”
  • “Robot legs?” “No this has nothing to do with robotics. I’m talking about bionics.”
  • “If you think I’m gonna let you turn you into some sort of cyborg zombie like Katya-” “Whoa whoa whoa whoa no! Zombie implies I raised her from the dead.” “Well, then I’m using it correctly.”
  • “So it’s gonna look like I’m leaving but that’s only because I’m leaving.” “Why won’t you let me help you?” “Besides the fact that you’ll probably kill me?” “Yes!” “Because it’s wrong!”
  • “I may have wandered pretty far from the church, but I do still believe there’s some things only God should do.” “Like give you an erection?” “I’m assuming you mean give me the ability to have an erection?” “Also, yes.”
  • “No.” “Yes, Lana.” “We don’t need a-” “Rocket launcher. Si, molto pronto.” “Hmmm. Not on the pre-approved list of equipment for this mission.” “The what?” “The-” “I heard you!”
  • “Pre-approved by whom?” “Oh now you’re on my side.” “Shut up.” “Common enemy.” “Hey that’s how Lana and I started dating.” “Shut up.”
  • “And so a small power unit goes here on your spiny thing, which sends electrical impulses to your muscles and ligaments and stuff, which I will fuse to a vanadium alloy endoskeleton replacing your current, uh, leg bones.”
  • “Plus when I’m taking out the old bones I take tons of pictures with my phone.” “Oh, then, what could go wrong?” “Seriously?” “Sarcastically.” “Oh. Because you could die.”
  • “So when do we do this?” “Well, you should already be feeling the effects of the anesthetic.” “The? Go d*mn it Krieger!” “So whenever my assistants get here.”
  • “Seriously. What am I? Hourly?” “Are you not?” “I don’t know.”
Photo Credit: FX
Photo Credit: FX
  • “Hey, should I wash my hands?” “Ehh. I didn’t.”
  • “Were those gunshots?” “Oh who knows with these people. It’s one calamity after another.”
  • “Come on, this is awesome. It’s like we’re the Warren Commission.”
  • “Did he mean a terminator of gays? Because Krieger’s creepy and weird, but he’s not homophobic, I don’t think. So he must’ve meant… Well, no. Aren’t terminators asexual?”
  • “Jeezy P. I mean besides Barry and Katya, what is his deal with robots?”
  • “And I’ll wait here for the ambulance to take your grievously wounded child to the hospital for emergency surgery.” “Yes, Woodhouse. And then you can go buy some wax for your cross.”
  • “Thank you. Uh, sorry. What was your name again?” “Rodney.” “Thank you, a**hole.”
  • “Ron if you keep it up this headache you gave me is going last for the next 3 to 5 nights.”
  • “I basically just lurch from one fireable offense to the next.” “Ugh. LIke the infamous luau incident?” “Jesus Christ. How many times do I have to apologize for that?!” “Once would be nice!” “Hmm. No.”
Photo Credit: FX
Photo Credit: FX
  • “Rodney open this door.” “Give me that weapon.” “Oh, you mean this rocket launcher? Because I bet it would open the door.” “No. That is inadvisable at this time.” “You know, if I asked it nicely.” “I seriously wouldn’t do that.” “Yeah, because you’re not awesome.”
  • “Why is your instinctive response to run toward explosions?” “Ah… because I’m not a giant p*ssy?” “Although somehow incredibly single.”
  • “You got another one in ya?” “Ew.” “I don’t.” “Tease.” “And I’m sorry for that one.” “Don’t be.” “Because I’m just gonna say it, I think it’s super creepy you get sexually aroused by physical violence.” “Mmmmm. Well, but also emotional violence.” “Well, that’s even creepier.”
  • “Huh?” “I said how hot can you make it?”
Photo Credit: FX
Photo Credit: FX
  • “The thermostat is becoming sentient. Oh God! That’s how Maximum Overdrive started!”
  • “Well, I’d be lying if I said I cared.” “Wh? Malory! Ray can walk again.”
  • “Your clothes. Give them to me.” “Aghhh!” “I’m kidding, obviously. I wouldn’t be caught dead in a sweater vest.”

Archer airs Thursdays at 10/9c on FX.

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