What They Said: Favorite Quotes from The Vampire Diaries “Catch Me If You Can” 

Episode: “Catch Me If You Can”
Writer: Brian Young & Michael Narducci

Jeremy: “I don’t take orders from you, Dick.”

Klaus: “I’m taking artistic license.”

Klaus: “If I hear an engine start, I’ll kill Matt myself!”

Elena: “All I told you to do is to teach him how to fight.” Damon: “He’s not the best student in the world.”

Damon (to Elena): “So…you take the least most valuable player home. Jeremy and I will finish this.”

Stefan: “I know you were, uh, daggered for a little while, but, uh, knocking is still a thing.”

Stefan: Well, you can read it all you want. I’m done with her.” Rebekah: “Until we find the cure, right? Hey I’m talking to you.” Stefan: “Oh, I know you are. I’m ignoring you.”

Bonnie: “I did an expression spell that almost killed April.” Professor Shane: “Exactly, almost. Failing would have been actually killing her. You got like a D-minus.”

Damon (to Jeremy): “I’m trying to keep you alive, dumbass.”

Kol: “Care for a drink?” Damon: “He’s underage and I don’t lie you.”

Kol: “What do you know of him [Silas]?” Damon: “Nothing. Don’t want to. Not our problem.”

Damon: “We’re not gonna back off the cure because you were told one too many scary bedtime stories, you idiot.”

Jeremy: “I’m not calling anything off, mate.”

Stefan: “Well, headstone’s not here.” Rebekah: “Don’t ripper out on me, we’ll find it.”

Rebekah (after Stefan growls at her): “Oh, you’re all bottled up.”

Professor Shane: “You’re accusing me of orchestrating a mass murder. Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?” Sheriff Forbes: “It’s Mystic Falls. It’s actually one of the least ridiculous things I’ve heard.”

Professor Shane: “I think your dad’s confused about the format of the Parent-Teacher Conference.”

Kol: “No need to be nasty about it.” Klaus: “On the contrary, I find nastiness to be essential whenever my siblings try to sabotage me.”

Damon: “If you’re going to kill me, do it like a man.”

Kol: “The last vestige of her humanity is her little annoying brother, Jeremy.”

Rebekah: “Looks like Shane has a bit of an afterlife fetish.”

Rebekah: “I enjoy other cultures too, Stefan. I know that might be hard for you to understand considering you dated a child who only thinks about herself.”

Stefan: “The sex wasn’t good because we didn’t care; it was good because you’re crazy. Crazy sex is always good.” Rebekah: “You are hardly the model of sanity. Stop…caring.”

Professor Shane: “Are you sure about that?” Bonnie: “Yeah, I don’t like. I’m not you.”

Bonnie: “Bad. That’s how I react to murder.”

Bonnie: “You’re crazy.” Professor Shane: “I’m not crazy. I’m just passionate.” Bonnie: “You’re full on crazy.”

Professor Shane (to Bonnie’s dad): “Your daughter is a prodigy. With my guidance, she’ll be one of the most powerful witches in the world. But without it — whew — she’s a time bomb.”

Elena: “What did you do to Stefan?” Rebekah: “Rescued him from his old, dull life — but it keeps calling.”

Damon: “He shot me in the head. Stupid idiot. Borderline brain-dead moron.”

Rebekah: “He was going to kill me.” Klaus: “Well, then. I think you need a lesson in how to properly dagger a sibling.”

Elena: “You’re strong enough to resist the compulsion. I know that you are.” Damon: “Why? Because Stefan did?” Elena: “Because I love you. Because you love me. You’d do anything for me so please…do this for me.

Stefan: “Hey, brother, long time, no see.” [Stefan breaks Damon’s neck] “(To Elena): “You’re welcome.”

Stefan: “This was the only way I could weaken you.” Damon: “You sound so torn up about it. Shouldn’t we be going after Kol, make him decompel me?” Stefan: “Yeah, sure, that sounds easy enough, Damon. I’ll get right on that.” Damon: “At least let me see Elena.” Stefan: “Come on, you know you can’t do that. With the sire bond all you have to do is tell her to let you out of here. It’s too risky.” Damon: “You”e really enjoying this aren’t you?” Stefan: “It’s better for Elena if you stay in here, for now.”

Elena: “Are you trying to punish me? I don’t know how many times I can apologize.” Stefan: “I never asked you to. You can do whatever you want, Elena, I really don’t care.” Elena: “You’re hurt. You’re hurt. And you’re acting out, Stefan.. This isn’t you.” Stefan: “Sure it is. You’ve just never seen me like this.”

Stefan: “You don’t know what I look like when I’m not in love with you.”

Rebekah: “Sure, just barge right in.” Stefan: “Oh, I thought not knocking was our thing.”

Rebekah (to Stefan): “Considering you’ve betrayed me twice and I’ve betrayed you never, I think I’m acting brilliantly.”

Rebekah: “No feelings. No attachments.” Stefan: “None. Whatsoever.”

The Vampire Diaries airs Thursdays at 8/7c on the CW.