What They Said: Favorite Quotes from NCIS “The Missionary Position” 

Episode: “The Missionary Position”
Writer: Allison Abner

• “Holy full-frontal, Autopsy Gremlin. Are you about to flash us your Magic Johnson?”

• “Eye of the beholder, McCumberbund.”

• “Gibbs.” “Oh, God, I wish. If Agent Gibbs would even consider being my best man, I swear, I would have a field day.”

• “What we have here is no Jethro.” “What?” “He’s actually running late.” “Whoa…there’s a first.”

• “Perhaps those colors will raise the dead, Mr. Palmer.”

• “Yeah, poor guy. He looks like a pretzel.” “A ‘salted’ pretzel.”

• “Cause of death?” “You got to be kidding. Well, uh, stabbed…blunt-force trauma…shot.” “Not to mention the whole plummeted to earth thing.”

• “Mr. Palmer, I would no sooner care to plan your bachelor party than I would actively seek a root canal. But that’s not to say that I am not deeply honored. But, take my advice. Mentors make terrible wingmen.”

• “Allow me to work my way from the horrific to the curious.”

• “It’s fair to say that Abby’s about to have a fungus among us.”

• “Namaste, Chaplain.” “Namaste.” “This really cool Sri Lankan priest taught me that. In Sanskrit, it means, ‘I bow to you.'” “Take a bow later. Too much yabba yabba. I don’t have a lot of time, Abbs.”

• “Da — well, maybe da.”

• “Ah — the legendary Gibbs. I hear good things, but Ziva never mentioned how handsome you are.”

• “We work like peas in a poke…like yogurt and garlic…like…”

• “There’s pigs in a poke and there’s peas in a pod but…” “Yogurt and garlic…” “It’s a Middle Eastern staple.” “Which I’m sure we’ll find in all the best Colombian restaurants.”

• “I may not speak as many languages as my Israeli cohort, here, but I assure you, yo habla espaňol muy perfectamente.” “I meant nothing by it. It’s just that you seem — how do I put this — less worldly, more monolingual.”

• “Ah, you moonlighting? You dress pretty nice for a pizza delivery girl.”

• “Oh, this looks like fun. Haven’t done this since the ’80s.”

• “Well, ladies. So began a spring break they’d never forget.”

• “Agent Monique Lisson? NCIS Special Agent Tony DiNozzo.” “Wow, uh, never mind. Ay Carumba.” “How do you concentrate, Ziva, with so many attractive men around?” “It’s easier than you think.”

• “I do love hot arepas.” “What else do you love, Agent DiNozzo?”

• “Did you hurt your green thumb?”

• “You think they know we’re here?”

• “I took precautions.” “Really? Well, in that case, maybe Mata Hari here could have told us a little earlier about a possible carload of gun-toting cartel zombies.” “I didn’t think it was necessary to state the obvious.”

• “Guilt-stricken, party of one.”

• “Listen, you can’t put that kind of weight on yourself. Cause if you keep piling it on, one day…you can’t move. Take it from me. I carry a lot…every day. So cut yourself some slack, alright?”

• “Will you be my best woman? (Big Abby/Palmer hug) Can I take that as a yes?”

• “Well, congratulations, Palmer. You picked the best Best Man for the job. You picked the prettiest one, too. (Gibbs kisses Abby) Thanks Abbs.”

• “Elvis was in the building.”

• “Antonio Banderas. Puss in Boots. Ciao.” “He is more than he seems.”

NCIS airs Tuesdays at 8/7c on CBS.