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What They Said

What They Said: Favorite Quotes from NCIS “The Missionary Position” 

Photo Credit: Ron P. Jaffe/CBS

Episode: “The Missionary Position”
Writer: Allison Abner

  • “Holy full-frontal, Autopsy Gremlin. Are you about to flash us your Magic Johnson?”
  • “Eye of the beholder, McCumberbund.”
  • “Gibbs.” “Oh, God, I wish. If Agent Gibbs would even consider being my best man, I swear, I would have a field day.”
  • “What we have here is no Jethro.” “What?” “He’s actually running late.” “Whoa…there’s a first.”
  • “Perhaps those colors will raise the dead, Mr. Palmer.”
  • “Yeah, poor guy. He looks like a pretzel.” “A ‘salted’ pretzel.”
  • “Cause of death?” “You got to be kidding. Well, uh, stabbed…blunt-force trauma…shot.” “Not to mention the whole plummeted to earth thing.”
  • “Mr. Palmer, I would no sooner care to plan your bachelor party than I would actively seek a root canal. But that’s not to say that I am not deeply honored. But, take my advice. Mentors make terrible wingmen.”
  • “Allow me to work my way from the horrific to the curious.”
  • “It’s fair to say that Abby’s about to have a fungus among us.”
  • “Namaste, Chaplain.” “Namaste.” “This really cool Sri Lankan priest taught me that. In Sanskrit, it means, ‘I bow to you.'” “Take a bow later. Too much yabba yabba. I don’t have a lot of time, Abbs.”
  • “Da — well, maybe da.”
  • “Ah — the legendary Gibbs. I hear good things, but Ziva never mentioned how handsome you are.”
  • “We work like peas in a poke…like yogurt and garlic…like…”
  • “There’s pigs in a poke and there’s peas in a pod but…” “Yogurt and garlic…” “It’s a Middle Eastern staple.” “Which I’m sure we’ll find in all the best Colombian restaurants.”
  • “I may not speak as many languages as my Israeli cohort, here, but I assure you, yo habla espaňol muy perfectamente.” “I meant nothing by it. It’s just that you seem — how do I put this — less worldly, more monolingual.”
  • “Ah, you moonlighting? You dress pretty nice for a pizza delivery girl.”
  • “Oh, this looks like fun. Haven’t done this since the ’80s.”
  • “Well, ladies. So began a spring break they’d never forget.”
Photo Credit: Greg Gayne/CBS
  • “Agent Monique Lisson? NCIS Special Agent Tony DiNozzo.” “Wow, uh, never mind. Ay Carumba.” “How do you concentrate, Ziva, with so many attractive men around?” “It’s easier than you think.”
  • “I do love hot arepas.” “What else do you love, Agent DiNozzo?”
  • “Did you hurt your green thumb?”
  • “You think they know we’re here?”
  • “I took precautions.” “Really? Well, in that case, maybe Mata Hari here could have told us a little earlier about a possible carload of gun-toting cartel zombies.” “I didn’t think it was necessary to state the obvious.”
  • “Guilt-stricken, party of one.”
  • “Listen, you can’t put that kind of weight on yourself. Cause if you keep piling it on, one day…you can’t move. Take it from me. I carry a lot…every day. So cut yourself some slack, alright?”
  • “Will you be my best woman? (Big Abby/Palmer hug) Can I take that as a yes?”
  • “Well, congratulations, Palmer. You picked the best Best Man for the job. You picked the prettiest one, too. (Gibbs kisses Abby) Thanks Abbs.”
  • “Elvis was in the building.”
  • “Antonio Banderas. Puss in Boots. Ciao.” “He is more than he seems.”

NCIS airs Tuesdays at 8/7c on CBS.

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