House of Lies “Prologue and Aftermath” 

Where to begin. As soon as those three little words came out of April’s mouth, I knew Marty was going to do something to ruin it. Actually, I think we all knew Marty was going to do something to ruin it. And as soon as Marty told April he loved her in front of Monica, we knew Monica would do something to ruin Marty’s relationship. Marty readily admits he’s f*cked up and that he’s attracted to damaged and unfixable women. Maybe that’s what attracted him to April in the first place, but it seemed like their relationship was getting serious. He didn’t cheat on her when April gave him permission a few weeks back. Well, it wasn’t really permission was it? She said he could go bareback if he could keep it in his pants during a business trip. I was strangely proud of him when he managed to stay true.

And we can’t forget about Roscoe. April has been acting kind of like a mom would and that is something Roscoe desperately needs in his life. Monica has admitted that she doesn’t love Roscoe. Based on that, we can infer she just wants custody as a way to punish Marty. It’s despicable, but there’s something about this woman that turns Marty on. No matter what she says or does, it seems inevitable that he’s just going to keep going back to her. Is it his mommy issues? Does he just not want to be happy? Does he see Monica as a problem only he can solve? I’m disgusted and fascinated by their dynamic all at once.

We meet Jeannie’s mom. First of all I did not see the pageant angle coming at all. I’m not saying that smart women can’t participate, but we’ve all met Jeannie. She’s all about proving what a big brain she’s got. But what’s really interesting is when Jeannie’s finally had enough and confronts her mom about her father. Now we know how and why Jeannie’s such a good member of Marty’s team – she had to learn to lie at an early age. And I like that the guys are kind of getting to know her better. Doug and Clyde getting her an expensive male stripper is so them. And she’s take a chocolate penis cake too, please.

2002 flashback with helpful pop up video. Is it bad that I have absolutely no sympathy for Monica when Marty steals one of her clients while she’s in labor? I love that she’s a little too busy to close on a big deal so he swoops in and steals it away from her. That’s how much I don’t like Monica. She’s tells him payback’s a bitch. As long as Monica’s in his life, he’ll be paying for it.

Skip-sinking strategy session with the Rainmaker. I know his name is Marco, but I love calling him the Rainmaker. It makes him sexier somehow. I worry about this plan to take Skip out – or down – or whatever. He’s a name partner. His name is on the stationary. He’s Marty’s boss. I think my problem is that I can’t believe Marty could be this disloyal. I know he thinks very highly of himself, but if this goes bad it will go so so bad. I know Marty thinks he’ll come out on top but will he?

The Mediation. I was worried that it started out so hostile, at least on Marty’s part. Monica seemed to be keeping it professional until she told the mediator the specifics of her demands. And there was also the matter or her foot on Marty’s penis. But before all that, she was making some decent points – points a judge might think would make her a fit mother.

The breakup. First of all, I can’t believe Marty didn’t see this coming. Second, I love that April dares him to spin this situation in a way that would make her want to stay. The most surprising part though is seeing Marty beg April to stay. He’s physically holding on to her trying to prevent her from leaving. But when he knows it’s over, we see a change come over him and the armor come up. He’s got to exert some control over this situation and he does by being despicable.

A few favorite lines:

“Ouch. You bent it.”

“Officer Dangler. Dick Dangler looking for a naughty bride.”

“Amen.” “Amen.” “Amen.” “Amen.” “Amen.” “I can’t say it I’m Jewish. Amen.”

“I suck at fornicating. The dick is closed for business.”

House of Lies airs Sundays at 10/9c on Showtime.