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What They Said

What They Said: Favorite Quotes from Parks and Recreation “Lucky” (written by Nick Offerman) 

Photo Credit: Dean Hendler/NBC

Episode: “Lucky”
Writer: Nick Offerman

  • “Are you hitting on Leslie…for me?”
  • “Nympho means you’re addicted to sex. And since it’s on the butt, there’s other implications as well.”
  • “Treat, please.”
  • “Usually, tests scare me, but this is an oral exam. Uh…and if there’s one thing I know is…my fantastic — it’s talk.”
  • “Told you. If you can’t remember what some woman did, just tear up and say ‘she changed my life.'” “Uh, that’s a good call.”
  • “Interview’s off.” “What?” “Buddy has to fly back to Indianapolis. Something about a factory explosion.” “Come on. Did anyone even get hurt? Sorry.”
  • “Ooh, that is great news. And, you know, we might even be able to make it back in time for boring club.” “Do you know who the president of boring club is?” “Me?” “No. You lost the election because your speech was too boring.”
  • “I passed. I got a ‘P!'” “Congrats, babe.” “I was hoping for a P-Plus but that does not exist.”
  • “Ron, I’m a college graduate.” “No, you’re not.” “I’m a college…course graduate and it’s all because of you.”
  • “We’ll let you pay for your own food because of equality.”
  • “Are you going to wear that?”
  • “It’s like dealing with a strict mother, who I am confusingly attracted to.” “Hmmm…” “Ben’s like a MILF.”
  • “Hello, Lady Knope…I mean Leslie Knope.”
  • “What? Wow. What could be wrong with that? Nothing!”
  • “We are so drucky! I mean lunky.”
  • “33 hours.”
  • “Oh, yeah, that was one of your most readable papers.”
  • “I’m engrossed in this book. It’s the true story of a woman born with no arms and no legs who attempted to swim the English Channel.” “That’s impossible.” “Oh, she drowned immediately. It’s kind of a sad story.” “Cool.”
  • “Would you like to hear our specials?” “No need. Porterhouse. Rare. Quickly.”
  • “If they got together, they would make the most beautiful super baby. It would rule us all. But what if super baby became too powerful?”
  • “I was thinking the exact same thing but I didn’t want to think that I was objectifying you with my male gaze.”
  • “That was bad timing.”
Photo Credit: Dean Hendler/NBC
  • “I’m sorry, but tomorrow, this gets broadcast to the entire Indiana-sphere.”
  • “I’m very proud of me and you are too. Professor, I’m taking your class again next semester, and I’m going to lock down that P-Plus.” “It’s impossible.” “You and the women taught me that nothing is impossible.”
  • “Anybody want to go to JJ’s for some after-dinner omelets?” “Or how about you and I go back to my place?” “Yes.”
  • “Ah — that’s so sweet — I’ve never had a boyfriend threaten to commit arson for me before.” “Ah, it gets old.”
  • “April, Andy, good morning to you both. Doughnuts. Go nuts. (Ron chuckles).”
  • “I like to not get involved in these matters or any matters of any nature.”
  • “Uh, you know Ron, someone once told me that this is not how grown-ups deal with tough situations. We face them — head on. Oh, my God, Ron. It was you that told me that. That’s crazy!”
  • “I’m quite lonely.” “Ah, [BLEEP].”
  • “I think I may have used up all my luck tonight. Actually, not all of it. [Pointing to Ben] He’s about to get lucky. It’s on. He doesn’t even know it yet.”

Parks and Recreation is now on hiatus — the comedy returns with new episodes Thursday, April 19, on NBC.

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