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What They Said

What They Said: Favorite Quotes from Archer “Bloody Ferlin” 

Photo Credit: FX

Episode Title: “Bloody Ferlin”

  • “Wait. Here’s an idea: You talk louder and maybe they’ll come to us.” “We’d lose the element of surprise Lana.” “That was sarcasm.” “No way. Really? Because so was that. Just now.” “I pretty much insist that you shut up.”
  • “So what’s in the armory.” “Burglars Lana. That’s why I’m here and not up to my ears in stewardess.” “What else is in the armory?” “Well there’s a bunch of automatic weapons, rocket launchers, and uh about a jillion grenades. Oh. They may have fire superiority.”
  • “That was also sarcasm since apparently now we’re saying whenever we do it.”
  • “I never said I was paralyzed! Y’all just assumed I was.” “Because you left the hospital in a wheelchair.” “They make you. And then I couldn’t get a cab so I just got back in the chair and” “spent the last six months pretending to be handicapped.” “Handy capable.”
  • “He’s not a drug dealer! He’s a drug farmer.”
  • “What’s more important than family?” “Mmm. Getting hammered on moonshine and trying to bang skanky trailer chicks?” “Um. Trying?”
  • “Are there just no towers here or have we literally gone back in time?” “Both.”
  • “Two questions. Is that the sheriff and have you recently gone insane?” “Yes and no.” “Respectively?”

    Photo Credit: FX
  • “Man is it me or is he super menacing?” “Or super hot.” “Hey! Remember? We are married?” “Not until it’s consummated.” “I’ll drive if you want to hop back there and um enter her.”
  • “Why is it every time I need to use the restroom you people are in here skulking around looking guilty?”
  • “Ray to be honest I’m kind of having second thoughts about this whole thing.” “Uh get in line.”
  • “It would be rude not to eat her pie which I assume is not only hot but also moist although hopefully not flaky.”
  • “A New York city interior decorator?” “That’s what you went with?” “Bet your up to your eyeballs in poontang.” “Oh yeah. Just so many vaginas.”
  • “If I can just get what I got to my distributor I can retire. Maybe move up to New York city with you.” “I wh-what where. Do what?”
  • “I put my heart and soul into this. But now it’s either roll over for that Sheriff like a dog or fight…like a different, better dog.”
  • “Janelle. Why don’t you take Mr. Archer and show him the defensive perimeter.”
  • “What the hell is this?” “Uh, well I’ll tell you what it’s not which is ah what it looks like.”
  • “Do you want to have sex with my wife?” “No. I, I swear this was just an extremely unlikely mishap with the barbed wire.” “Because we would be amenable to that. Well? Why you look so nonplussed?” “Because I wasn’t sure if you knew what amenable actually meant until you followed it up with nonplussed.”
  • “See me and Janelle got us one of them open marriages like in France.” “Oh right. In Europe.” “And I would really like that open marriage to include Ray’s new wife.” “What?” Now look that’s in the bible.” “Really?” “Genesis 38 verse 8.” “Really?”
  • “Even though Ray used to be a preacher he was never big on the Old Testament.” “I can see that.”
  • “I have never in my entire life been as disgusted as I am at this moment.” “Well, give it a minute.”
  • “The mainframe is like Kreiger’s baby. How’d you get him to go in on this?” “I told him I’d get Pam to fight in his ultimate bum shock fights.” “Is it called that because paying homeless men to fight is shocking?” “Nooope.”
  • “Yeah apparently it’s in the bible.” “No is isn’t!” “It did sound too cool for the bible.”
  • “Why do you care? a) you’re gay and b) you and Carol aren’t really married.” “But Randy thinks we are.” “Yeah but…that’s actually a really good point.” “I am gonna beat him like a rented mule.” “Now that sounds like something from the bible.”
  • “Come ‘ere! You skinny-legged sumbitch. Sorry.” “It’s ok. They’re not my best feature.” “No I was” “Not important. What is important is that Randy gave me a bible lesson.”

    Photo Credit: FX
  • “Our marriage was never consummated! And I think we all know why.”
  • “They weren’t even cold in the ground before you were galavatin’ around Europe.” “It was the Olympics.” “Which you lost.” “Bronze medal is not losing.”
  • “And then it was off to New York city.” “You can just say New York.” “To be a hoity toity interior decorator.” “You can just say decorator.”
  • “Your seemingly effeminate brother is actually a highly trained secret agent.” “Psssh. Yeah and I’m…something equally hard to believe is true.”
  • “What do you want a business card? Where do you think he got  duffel bag full of assault weapons?” “Well y’all do live in New York city.” “Just New York.”
  • “So ’cause you’re a spy is that why you never come back to visit?” “Mmm also mostly.”
  • “Well I found a bunch of your old diaries.” “Obviously not the one with Miss Piggy on it.” Nay Daddy said he burned that one.”
  • “And I am sorry I screwed your wife.” “And I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like I was ashamed of you.”
  • “Oh that son of a bitch is early.” “I don’t know. Sundown sounds more colloquial than like an actual-“
  • “Randy you may be a racist, homophobic, wife-swapping drug dealer” “farmer” “but nobody murders my brother.”
  • “Yeah I’m pretty furious about not getting to bang Janelle plus I want to unleash the power of moonshine.”
  • “Well don’t just set there. Shoot!” “Uh, I can’t. Uh, I feel sick. What’s happening? Do I have cancer again?” “You drank too much!” “That’s a thing?”
  • “Why in the world would you think that I, a peace officer sworn to uphold the law, would want to murder your brother and get his marijuana farm?” “Because that’s what Randy said.” “Randy’s a drug dealer.” “Farmer!” “And I tried to get him to quit. I come to him as a friend. I come to him as an elder of the church but he wouldn’t give it up. And so now I’ve got to come to him as the law and you accuse me of planning a murder.”
  • “Randy! You almost got me and my friends killed because you could never be bothered to get a real job.”
  • “Easy don’t shoot. I’m coming out.” “Phrasing.”
  • “If you ever find your way back up in the holler give me a call.” “Uh…” “I think I got myself an extra pair of capezios lying around somewheres.” “Uh ok. Sh- I. Just, just 911?”

Archer airs Thursdays at 10/9c on FX.

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