What They Said: Favorite Quotes from NCIS “Secrets” 

Episode: “Secrets”
Writer: Steven D. Binder

• “Unbelievable.” “You finally saw The Crying Game?” “No, I got a speeding ticket.” “Ooh…You know what that means, McGee?” “The system works.”

• “With one notable exception, I haven’t gotten a parking ticket in 17 years.” “Or paid for parking at football games.” “It’s a gray area. Sometimes I even get my donuts and coffee for free.”

• “What Gibbs doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” “What don’t I know, Dinozzo?” “Um…Ziva got a speeding ticket…and sometimes I get coffee for free. But I tip big. All right let’s have it.” (Gibbs slap) “Let’s go. Dead Navy captain!” “Do you ever get the feeling that he enjoys being smacked in the head?” “I’d rather not think about it.”

• “The sobs almost woke the dead.” “She pretty upset?” “She wasn’t the one crying.”

• “Holy undergarments, Duck-man. Is that what I think it is?” (Poof)

• “His name is Captain Jack Wallace. He’s a decorated Iraq veteran and also…he’s a real life superhero!”

• “They don’t claim to have actual super powers.” “Right cause that would be weird.”

• “So they are like vigilantes.” “Nerd vigilantes. Question is, did it get them killed?”

• “So, do we have a deal or not, Miss Miller?” “Well, that’s gonna depend on your agent.” “That doesn’t sound good.”

• “Oh, please tell me that you weren’t married.” “No.” “But we go back.” “Oh good. That should make things easier. Or worse.”

• “What’s new, pussycat? I guess you heard.” “About the real-life superheroes? Hello!”

• “Keep looking.” “Meow.”

• “You’re a reporter now. We don’t liaise with reporters.”

• “Come on. I invented that.”

• “She is cute.” “Stop it.”

• “Three numbers. I guess super memory isn’t one of your super powers?”

• “Though the one thing I might judge you on is your choice of Tony as liaison to the press. What are you up to, Jethro?”

• “You do not seem fine. You seem…pensive.” “It’s the chili I had for breakfast this morning.”

• “Even your car doesn’t like you.”

• “Lucky, Abs? Someone’s trying to kill her.” “I’m just trying to be positive. Hey, maybe it was Tony.” “Not positive.”

• “Just found out about your history with Miss Miller. (to Gibbs) And we’ll talk about that later.”

• “Agent Dinozzo, given the circumstances, if you’d like I can assign Agent David.” “Ha — no way in hell.”

• “You thirsty? Can I get you something to eat?” “Not hungry.” “Since when are you not hungry?” “People get not hungry — it happens.” “Not to you it doesn’t.”

• “What about you? You used to be a hopeless romantic. And now you’re like George Clooney from Ocean’s 11.” “You like George Clooney?” “I think he’s a bit of a cliché.”

• “Tina seems nice. It’s a good name. Tina Turner. Tina Fey.”

• “What — you didn’t get yourself something?” “Not hungry.” “Since when are you not hungry. Geez.”

• “Oh, eagle-eye, McGee.”

• “Problem is been there done that. Crash. Burn.” “That bad?” “NTSB’s still looking for bodies.”

• “That’s a good question, McGee. You always ask the good questions.” “Okay, so you what do you want to happen? Cue the subject change.”

• “That is a good outfit.”

• “We’d appreciate a little professional courtesy.” “YOU ARE NOT PROFESSIONALS!”

• “Before you judge, just remember, if things had gone differently, this could have been McGee.”

• “All right. Hand over the bull whip and the bolt cutter before you go upstairs.” “Wow. Remarkable straight face, Boss.”

• “Ziva’s alone with Wendy? That’s not good.”

• “Great costume.” “Oh, this isn’t my costume. These are just my clothes.”

• “See, this I could do without.”

• “Appreciate the honesty. Actually, that is something Wendy mentioned about you. That you were one of the most honest people she knew.” “Really?” “To others. She said the only person you lie to is yourself. Which she says you do a lot.”

• “There’s no unity in the community. That’s a great league name: Unity in the Community.” “I like Leavenworth.”

• “What’s on your mind, Tony. You sound a little pensive.” “I’m not pensive! What is it with everyone and that word?!”

• “Tony it was very clear to me from the very first day that I met you that you were a man in pain.”

• “You’re pain was as clear to me as Jethro’s.”

• “Well, perhaps fate has given you another chance at closure or something else.” “It’s not fate. It’s Gibbs. Dude set me up.”

• “But you noticed a pattern.” “And you noticed that we noticed. And that is why we all get along.”

• “Not quite the ICU but…” “Works for me. Nice job.”

• “Nice work. Especially you, Agent Gibbs. Or should I say, Cupid. It is Valentine’s Day after all.” “Boss what’s he talking about?” (Gibbs laughs)

• “I want to know why you said yes to me when the answer was really no. I want to know why you waited until the very last minute to tell me the truth. But most of all, my runaway bride, I want to know why.” “Well, would it make a difference now? I mean if you weren’t so sad and so lonely, you wouldn’t even be wondering.” “Are…sad and lonely? You have me confused with Bosco.”

• “I left because I wasn’t ready to meet the one, OK? And you were the one.” “That doesn’t make any sense.”

• “I wasn’t ready to meet the one when we met, Tony. But I sent you the invitation because…I am now.”

NCIS airs Tuesdays at 8/7c on CBS.