What They Said: Favorite Quotes From Archer “The Man From Jupiter” 

Episode: “The Man From Jupiter”

• “I’m sorry is something funny?” “Just the last part where she slapped you.”

• “Oh my God. You’re Burt Reynolds.”

• “Yeah. It’s pretty hard to stay anonymous when you’re the world’s greatest secret agent.” “Well calling yourself that can’t help.”

• “What’s awful Mr. Reynolds is I almost punched you.” “No you didn’t.”

• “Let me buy you a drink. I want to tell you my idea for a Gator sequel.” “Gator was a sequel.” “I know. This will be the final chapter in the McKlusky trilogy.”

• “Like I said I kinda have a date.” “I get it. You gonna take her upstairs and give her the longest yard?”

• “Mother? What are you doing here?” “What are you doing here?” “I’m kicking it with…Burt? Oh no. No.” “Remember how I said I kinda have a date? It’s kinda with your mom. I hope that’s not gonna be a problem.”

• “Oh please. Burt Reynolds didn’t give you a black eye. The floor did. When you fainted like a school girl.” “It was an involuntary reaction mother to seeing you all tarted up to meet my hero in a hotel bar for sex.” Oh for- we were meeting for drinks. I mean, obviously sex was implied.”

• “And you cannot date Burt Reynolds.” “Can, am, and will continue to do so.”

• “A Cuban hit squad is in New York to kill me?” “Apparently.” “This intel’s a week old.  Why you just telling me about it now?”

• “Burt Reynolds! Is on line one! For you for some reason.”

• “The A.C. in my room’s stuck on…freeze.”

• “How totally hot is he?” “I swear to God you could totally drown a toddler in my panties right now. I mean, not that you would.” 

• “So help me God if you throw that computer on the floor one more time you’ll wake up in  mental ward with total amnesia under someone else’s name.” “That’s actually kinda scary.” “Enh. Wouldn’t be the first time.”

• “Archer, hey, about this expense report.” “Not now Cyril. Mother is ruining what remains of my life before a Cuban hit squad assassinates me so-“

• “I’m pretty tense right now.” “Because of the Cubans or because Burt Reynolds is doing your mom?”

• “I’m sorry your words made sense but your sarcastic tone did not.” 

• “Wait a minute. Who calls it Tinseltown?” “Carol Channing?” “Or somebody who just thinks that’s what movie stars call Hollywood.” “Stockard Channing.” “Archer.”

• “Cause if you don’t kill me and I get loose you’re gonna wish you were in hell with your back broke.” “I don’t have a response to that.” “They never do.”

• “Why are you torturing her like that?” “Why are you asking rhetorical questions?”

• “I say we go rescue Burt Reynolds and as a bonus beat some sense into Archer’s head and ass.”

  

• “What’s odd is you wanting to date my mother.” “Why is that odd?” “Because you’re you and she’s-” “-beautiful, smart, funny, successful-” “-like one of those, tops.”

• “Your Pimm’s cup sir.” “Doesn’t it come in silver chalice?” “That would be a pimp cup sir.”

• “Zip it nerds.” 

• “First of all I was twice the agent you were when your legs worked-“

• “That’s not your car is it?” Yeah why?” “Nothing just didn’t know they sold those to men.” “Yeah, laugh it up Burt.” “I am.”

• “Burt it’s too fast! You’re going too fast!” “No such thing.” “Yes such thing. Slow down.” “Don’t you want to help your friends?” “I don’t care about them.” “Yes you do. You just pretend you don’t because you’re afraid of-” “-dying in this freaking car-” “-emotional intimacy.”

• “We’ll catch em. I know a shortcut.” “What? How?” “I did a TV series here called Hawk.” “I forgot about Hawk!” “He was part Indian.” “Right!”

• “Whoa. Now it’s officially a chase.” “Hooray.”

• “You know what your problem is?” “My pants are wet?”

• “Holy sh*t! Burt Reynolds!” “Hey if you just pay attention you might just learn something here.” “I’m sorry I can’t hear you over the sound of my giant, throbbing erection.”

• “If I were you I’d come to terms with that because I plan on seeing a lot of her. Oh, ah. By a lot of her I mean-” “I get it.” 

• “Wait. Was that the same footage?”

  

• “Leave me for some hot little 20 year old? Well I’ll show you. I’ll go find me a 10 year old.” “Eww.” “Yeah I don’t think you want to do that.”

• “Nobody wants your your mustache rides around here buster.” “Oh. Oh my God.”

Archer airs at 10/9c on FX.