What They Said: Favorite Quotes from The Vampire Diaries “The New Deal” 

Episode: “The New Deal”
Writer: Michael Narducci

• “He betrayed us, Bonnie. The Stefan that we know is gone.”

• “Damon is…Damon.”

• “All right, you have your choice. Bloody Mary, Screwdriver. Brunch in a bottle.”

• “Come on, ‘Ric. I can’t drink all this myself. I mean, I can but…somebody’s gettin’ naked.”

• “Awwwww, man. I can’t believe you’re makin’ me drink alone…it’s the eve of Klausageddon. What are you doing — homework?”

• “Kids today. Where are their values?”

• “Oops.”

• ” Hey, so what’s the point of this again?” “The point is I’m pissed at Caroline and Bonnie dumped your ass. The point is to get drunk and shoot stuff.”

• “What makes you think I’m not OK.” “Well, you’re a day drunk. It’s not exactly your most attractive look.” “What is my most attractive look?” “Uh uh. I’m not saying that you have any attractive look. I’m just saying this is my least favorite one.” “Noted. I’ll see if I can make any improvements.”

• “My sister seems to be missing. Need to sort that out.” “Cute? Blonde bombshell? Psycho? Shouldn’t be too hard to find.”

• “That sounds like a Klaus and Stefan problem.”Well, this is me broadening the scope, sweetheart.”

• “Vampires, hybrids and Originals, no problem.  My rebellious brother, I’m worried.”

• “Oh well, I thought we’d all stay in and have a meal together like a typical atypical family.”

• “Besides, you of all people are going to lecture me on who I can and can’t hang out with?”

• “I think it’s about time we had a drink, don’t you?” “I’d say we were overdue.” “Well, you’ve been so busy what with all your plotting and scheming.”You know me, never miss a chance of planning epic failure.”

• “And you say you have no idea of her whereabouts?” “That’s the thing with younger siblings. You just never know what they’re going to do.”

• “OK, so, what if he asked you to rip your own heart out?” “Again, he wouldn’t.” “What if he did?” “I don’t know then I’d rip out my heart. You guys sound like Caroline, getting all freaked out over something you don’t understand.”

• “Cheers, mate.” “Down the hatch.” “You know we’ve actually got a lot in common, you and I?” “Really.” “Hmmm…” “Well, yeah, maybe we can bond over our mutual loathing of my brother.”

• “Of course he did. Uh…such a buzzkill my baby bro.”

• “Perhaps I wasn’t clear enough when I told you to find Stefan. Oh it seems you people respond best to displays of violence.”

• “That was illuminating.”

• “There I go again, bumping into people.”

• “I want a fortress not a dungeon.”

• “Yup, so all I have to do is find four coffins and voila — no one else in your family’s Christmas list needs to die.”

• “Frying pan. Fire. Not an option.”

• “I hate witches. So fickle. And passive-aggressive.”

• “Come on, Stef. Olly Olly Oxen Free.”

• “Really? Still?” “What?” “Witchy spirits aren’t a big fan. And they’re gonna use their juju to screw with my daylight ring.”

• “Well, Bonnie sucks at keeping secrets.”

• “Elena, stop talking. I’m not giving Klaus anything.”

• “Are you listening to me? He’s going to kill Jeremy.” “Not really my problem.” (SLAP) “Then you can go to hell.”

• “Here. Take my car keys. You go deal with your brother. I’ll deal with mine.”

• “Wow, that was impressive.”

• “Nothing’s ever easy with you is it?”

• “Why’d you screw it up?” “I did it to save you!”

• “When are you going to get it through your head? Stop saving me.”

• “He’s not done with you.”

• “Now he’s dead.”

• “Awww deflection. It’s not going to work on me. I invented that.”

• “Whatever you’re doing, I want in.”

• “You go after Klaus, you’re going to have to be cutthroat and devious. I’m so much better at that than you.”

• “If you’re going to keep saving my life at least make it for a good reason.”

• “Have a look?” “What? Klaus is allergic to dust?”

• “Mr. Saltzman, what’re you doing up? You should be resting.” “I’m more of a walk it off kind of guy.”

• “What is your secret? Guardian Angel? Or did you sell your soul to the devil?” ” A little of both.”

• “You can let yourself out.”

• “I guess I have Damon’s blood to thank for the fact that I’m still walking?” “He said to say you owe him a drink.” “That’s funny. I’d rather have head trauma.”

• “My brother’s sort of running his own show right now.” “Yeah and my brother just chopped off someone’s head. It’s not right.”

• “Thank you.” “No problem.” “Not just for this, Damon. For everything. I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t here.”

• “What does it mean?” “What does it mean? It means I’m an idiot. Cause I thought for one second that I wouldn’t have to feel guilty anymore.” “Wait, what’re you talking about? Guilty for what?” “For wanting what I want.” “Damon.” “I know. Believe me I get it. Brother’s girl and all. No. No. You know what? If I’m going to feel guilty about something, I’m going to feel guilty about this.” (KISS!!!!!) “Good night.”

The Vampire Diaries airs Thursday nights at 8/7c on the CW.