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Kara’s 2011 TV Goodness All-Stars: Awkward’s Molly Tarlov 

Photo Credit: MTV

I knew I was going to make either Ashley Rickards or Molly Tarlov one of my 2011 TV Goodness All-Stars. I love them both so much, for very different reasons. I feel like Ashley’s Jenna Hamilton embodies the awkward high school experience perfectly and I often felt myself sympathizing with her. We’ve all experienced some of those horrible moments. I think Molly’s Sadie Saxton is the bitch from hell every school has to have at least one of. But when it came down to it, I decided Sadie had too many deliciously evil lines that I wanted to share. What? Sometimes evil gets rewarded.

Photo Credit: MTV

When I first started watching Awkward. this summer I was horrified by Sadie’s atrocious behavior. I couldn’t believe what she’d get away with doing and saying and, at first, I took offense. As soon as I loosened up a bit I realized what a genius Molly Tarlov is. Her delivery? Flawless. Those withering looks? They make you want to die. And deep, deep, deep down she’s just a girl looking for approval when she’s not being a prima bitcherina. She’ll cut you before you have a chance to cut her so deal with it. Her best lines:

Episode: Pilot

Why are you shushing me?

Lissa: She should go to church.
Sadie: Or Thailand. Only a pedophile would screw her. Maybe.

Episode: Knocker Nightmare

Maybe people would stop staring at you if you could just finish the abortion your mom botched.

Enough with the bum chum. No one likes gay porn before noon.

It’s rude to stare. You’re welcome.

Ms. Marks: What is the most important friend rule?
Sadie: Friends don’t let friends wear mom jeans?

Episode: The Way We Weren’t

Where’s your purity ring? Hanging from your nipple?

If you don’t do him you’ll lose him.

Don’t even talk to me until you kick that sluthole out of your party.

Episode: Queen Bee-atches 

You suck at being anorexic. Time to embrace bulemia. You’re welcome.

If you just admit your parents are cousins people will stop making fun of your learning disability. You’re welcome.

Be muy excelente at gardening or busing tables and maybe you’ll get to stay in this country. De nada.

Thanks to you and your lack of due diligence I’m gonna die alone because you fell in love with a man with strong recessive chub.

The only stores that sell sexy dresses in my size are chola stores and I’m not a hoochie and I don’t wear tangerine well.

Episode: Over My Dead Body

You can’t silence me.

Episode: My Super Bittersweet Sixteen

Look at you. You’re like something a desperate celebrity would adopt from a third world country. Happy Birthday. Cheers!

Episode: No Doubt

You should stop listening to [God] and listen to me.

Remember. God sold out his only son to die on a stick.

This is not a guard gated community. We’re not safe.

Episode: I Am Jenna Hamilton

As your friend it’s my job to tell you your plan is retarded.

No, Melanie will not go to formal with you. Wake up and smell the body spray. Clark. Is. Gay. You’re welcome.

Episode: Fateful

Don’t yank me my dress is couture.

Help me in so I can slap you.

Look I only have sixty bucks but I can promise you that helping me get in is like the gift that will keep on giving. Like your acne.

_____

Have you warmed up to Sadie (a little), like me, or do you just love to hate her?

Awkward. returns with new episodes in 2012.

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