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What They Said

What They Said: Favorite Quotes from Psych “This Episode Sucks” 

Photo Credit: Alan Zenuk/USA Network

Episode: “This Episode Sucks”
Writers: Todd Harthan & James Roday

  • “What’s your poison?” “Humanity.”
  • “Do I know you? Or do you think I’m someone else?”
  • “That is a very unusual necklace and it shows off your clavicle quite well.”
  • “But I specifically told you not to follow.” “She said ‘farrow.'”
  • “I’m afraid this very well may be the work of a vampire.” “Sookie is mine!!!”
  • “All right. Well, you reek of garlic. You look like Omar Epps in Dracula 2000.” “I’ll take it.”
  • “It’s like the Road Runner stopping and saying, ‘You know what Wile E.? You’ve earned this. Blow me up.” “You’re saying the coyote has a first name?” “Yeah.” “It’s not O-S-C-A-R.” “That’s baloney.” “You’re baloney.”
  • “Necro Butcher.” “Ryan Philli-pay.” “We’re trying out pet names. Yours is baloney.”
  • “In your professional opinion, is it possible this poor man was a victim of a vampire attack?” “Don’t dignify that with a response.” “I wasn’t planning on it.” “Is it possible?” “Woody!” “Most likely yes. It’s a given, really.”
  • “I should have known a place called “Bling Crosby” would be a dead end. I mean, look at you.”
Photo Credit: Alan Zenuk/USA Network
  • “He’s right. Look around. You’re the fish out of water here.” “Because they’re all pretending to be dead, Shawn.” “Or perhaps it is us who pretend to be alive.”
  • “Charlatan.” “Who’s talking. Count Chocula over here. Please.” “Count Chocula? You must be out of your damn mind.” “What did I tell you? No one remembers Blacula except for us and Quentin Tarantino.”
  • “I owe you two nothing and you look like a couple of asshats in those ridiculous costumes.” “I’m dangerous…in a sexy way.” “More like a gay way.” “Well I am straight up iconic.” “I don’t call Count Chocula an icon.” “I’m Blacula. And you’re going to be under arrest, you succubus.”
  • “You live with two dudes and Mario Lopez?”
  • “No seriously. What’s the alibi?”
  • “Needless to say, I don’t believe in vampires.” “You will when she bites you.” “Because she doesn’t love you enough not to condemn you…”
  • “Where were you between the hours of 10pm and 11pm last night.” “And the year 1540!”
  • “This is serious. Listen. On the third hole, I usually putt up the right side, bank through the rubber bumpers but I still keep getting nailed by the swinging mammaries.” “Those aren’t mammaries. They’re the bells on the end of a jester’s cap.” “Really?” “Yes. It’s putt-putt for kids.” “Ohhh….”
  • “Give it up, shapeshifter.”
  • “You’re saying there’s a chance?” “No, Shawn, I said zero.”
  • “God, I used to be a detective now I’m a babysitter.” “That makes you Elisabeth Shue. Gus is Keith Coogan.” “You’re Coogan.” ‘You’re Coogan.” “Your mama’s Coogan.”
  • “Did I just see what my brain is telling my eyes that I saw?”
  • “Mister Spencer, if I may, what we’re looking at is someone who’s capable of vamp speed or present space quantum leap.” “Blacula gives a shout out to Bakula.”
  • “That’s a feline.” “That will drink you like a juice box.”
  • “Are you wearing garters?”
Photo Credit: Alan Zenuk/USA Network
  • “This is just a crazy coincidence. These nails were made popular by Jersey Shore.” “Nice try, Queen of the Damned.”
  • “Hello, Plasma!”
  • “Sorry to interrupt but a man was just attacked in the parking lot of Lox, Stock and Two Toasted Bagels over on Fletcher Street.”
  • “I’m hungry like a mug.” “You’re hungry like a what?”
  • “How did you know his blood type?” “Uhhh — it’s a special gift that I bust out on rare occasions. Almost all the time.”
  • “He has something called Van Wilder’s disease.”
  • “That’s oddly specific.”
  • “Well, that’s just conjecture.” “It’s all conjecture, Shawn. It’s all we’re doing right now.”
  • “Jules. Jules. It’s Marlowe’s brother, Adrian. He has something called Don Skarsgard’s disease.”
  • “I welcomed you inside that cage. I offered you a season pass to the Festival of Light that happens inside my chest cavity.” “Festival? Like Hannukah?”
  • “Unbeknownst to my assailant, I’ve slowly, methodically been building up a tolerance to chloroform over the last 15 years.” “Dear God, why?” “For a night like this, Spencer.”
  • “Rocks, Paper, Scissors?” “Fine.” “What is that?” “Spider.”
  • “My Dear Marlowe, I will wait for you these six to eighteen months. See you next Wednesday.” (OK, so technically this was a note not a quote but I loved this moment, I had to include it. Go Lassiter!)

Psych airs on Wednesdays on USA Network at 10/9c.

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