What They Said: Favorite Quotes from NCIS “Nature of the Beast” 

Episode: “Nature of the Beast”

Writer: Gary Glasberg

We not only like to highlight the acting here at TV Goodness but the writing too. And the season premiere of NCIS‘ Season 9 had so much great dialogue. It wasn’t just the the way the words were perfectly embodied by the cast of actors; it was also the fact that those words really fit each character to a tee. I’m still in awe. I’ll probably watch “Nature of the Beast” again and again. How about you guys?

• “Gibbs, not that I don’t love a good monosyllabic conversation — it’s oddly endearing — it’s just that it’s after midnight, I’m a little fuzzy.”

• “Can I get you something from the bar? A little Appletini or lime jello shots? They’re good.”

• “I thought you said he was shot.” “I didn’t say they were successful.”

• “So…you’re OK?” “I’m not dead.”

• “Looks like the vest saved your life.” “You could say I’m well invested. In vest we trust. Go vest, young man.”

• “There was blood at the scene but no body.” “I ain’t got nobody.”

• “You got pizza, boss?”

• “I need your help. I don’t know. I can’t remember any of it.”

• “Sorry Gibbs, just following orders.” “Not following my orders.”

• “Knock yourself out. No pun intended.”

• “Are you going to talk in metaphor for the rest of the round, sir? Because, if so, I’m going to need a few more beers.”

• “You know what it takes to be a good agent. You don’t mind getting your hands dirty. In that respect, NCIS has been good for you.”

• “You saw the photo. You know who the problem is. Make it happen.”

• “Carry what? Ray’s stones in a mason jar?”

• “Ahhh…probie no more. Good for you. Who am I gonna pick on now?”

• “In the meantime, Tony, we are now equals.” “Equals, huh?” “Be careful what you ask for.”

• “We should go somewhere fun.” “I know a fun gaming lounge — 3D PS2 on a 16-inch plasma. Or not.”

• “You’re going to tell me what’s on your mind?” “Just doing my job, Boss.”

• “You don’t know anything about me.” “Oh actually, I know quite a lot. From Kate…to Jeanne Benoit…to the complexities of your relationship with Agent David. Don’t think I’ve forgotten about that kid in Baltimore either.”

• “Oh, where are you going? You know there’s a new app that tells you where every Cracker Barrel in the country is.”

• “Yes, it seems that E.J. and you share an affinity for retractable weaponry.”

• “Why do I bother having a door?”

• “It’s his Navy.” “It’s my team.”

• “It looks like a hairy pirate with a moustache.” “You mean, Tony’s assignment is to kill Johnny Depp?” “I like Johnny Depp.”

• “We function as a team. If you remove one, everything changes.”

• “Vance told me to expect some push back from you, but you’re being borderline disrespectful.” “Is that a compliment, sir?” “You get Dinozzo back when I’m done with him.”

• “Gibbs sees everything, you know.”

• “You know, when my mom died, we were in a room like this. I remember because there was a movie playing…Angels with Dirty Faces. Michael Curtiz. These two kids growing up together. Bogie’s priest. Cagney…the mobster…searching for answers.”

• “I gotta tell you. You’re just chock full of all kinds of bad information, Stratton. Go home. Sorry you got outta bed.”

• “Why do you think you keep getting involved with dysfunctional women?” “What?” “Well, the women you date are, well, messed up.” “I date all kinds of women.” “You know, I think you’re drawn to them because you want to help them.” “I am drawn to them because, usually, they’re pretty hot.” “Tony, admit it. You like hot girls who carry guns.” “Who doesn’t like hot girls who carry guns?” “Which brings us back to Agent Barrett.”

• “Boss, we need your help.” “Mm…hmm…after you cook dinner.”

• “Cervezas for my amigos. If I’m dead, put it on my tab, Probie.”

• “I trust these people with my life.” “Like family.” “No. Not my family. My family is…way less dependable. You should meet my father some time. It would explain a lot.” “I’d like that.” “He’d like that too, I think.” “NCIS is part of who I am.”

• “Tony, you’ve been off the grid for weeks.” “Miss me, McWorryWart? I was busy doing my job.”

• “Ruin all my hard work and I’ll kill you.” “Copy that.”

• “This mission blows.”

• “I know a few rules too, sir.” “Such as.” “Rule #3: Never believe what you’re told.” “What are you insinuating?” “Rule #5: Don’t waste good.” “In other words, I’m wasting your precious time?” “And, of course, there’s my favorite Rule #36: If you feel like you’re being played, you probably are.”

• “You take me off this assignment or I resign from NCIS.”

• “Don’t screw with me. I own you. Know it. Accept it. It comes with the detail.”