What They Said: Favorite Lines from Modern Family “Good Cop Bad Dog” 

Episode: “Good Cokp Bad Dog”

Teleplay: Abraham Higginbotham and Jeffrey Richman

Story: Abraham Higginbotham

“Why me? We had amazing seats for Lady Gaga and he gets sick. I’ve been looking forward to that concert for months. It’s the one gay cliche I allow myself.”

“Luke and Manny barged into our room while we were changing the little pervs.” “Can I just say in Europe this would be no big deal.”

“Phil. You sold me out behind my back.” “No, it’s just sometimes you can get a little intense and I feel like I need to swoop in and let the kids know they’re still loved.”

“What was good about Luke’s report card?” “He didn’t lose it.”

“Hey guys. Guess who’s taking you go-carting today. Me.” “Why? Are we in trouble?”

“Come on guys. Let’s go have some fun.” “Ow, you’re hurting me.”

“Jay. He knows how successful you are and all he wants is an hour of your ti- half hour. Ten minutes. I promise him.”

“You’ve got to learn to say no to people” “Fine. Ask me if you can go golfing now.” “Other people.”

“Thank you for taking care of me.” “What else would I be doing? Um seeing Lady Gaga. That’s what.”

“What is this multi-billion dollar industry missing?” “Multi-billion dollars.”

“Listen. I hate to interrupt your big pitch but your dog is chewing my pillow.” “This is fantastic.” “It’s not fantastic for my pillow.”

“You don’t even like concerts.” “Yes I do. I’m fun now.”

“What are you doing?” “Making my kids love me.”

“Note to Claire: If you want intense family drama rent Spy Kids. They save their parents lives. Do you think they would’ve done that if they got yelled at all the time?”

“Sweet and sour chicken!”

“NO MORE LIES! YOU POKED THE BEAR GIRLS. YOU POKED HIM.”

“In closing, the only reason question is: After you invest in good doggie bad doggie how will we spend all our money?” “In handbags. No, vacation. I know. A home gym.”

“You’re not crying are you?” “No…a little. It’s just five years of my life are for nothing.” “Five. Five years?”

“Did you think that was a good idea?” “Of course not but I’m nice and I put on the sugar jacket.” “Sugar coasting is not gonna help him.”

“Now I have to apologize.” “Accepted.” “Not to you.”

“I didn’t really want a milkshake but after what she said to Manny I didn’t want to risk it.”

“Um, Dad? We haven’t had lunch yet.” “Neither have half the kids in Africa. Stop yapping and get back to work.”

“Why is he taping our laptop shut?” “Because he’s out of his mind.”

Come on, Dad, we said we’re sorry plus I can’t get this stupid drain unclogged anyways.” “Stick that hanger down there.” “Ewww, no.” “Well it’s either that or we cut off all your hair cause that’s what caused the problem. Thoughts?”

“I’m not cut out for this.”

“You don’t even want a dog.” “I know. I have a problem.” “Crap, that’s Manny. If he sees the dog it’s all over.”

“I’m 12. I need limits.”

“Honey? You haven’t feed them all day?” “They’re monsters Claire. Deceitful, manipulative monsters and they need to be broken.”

“You know what? Mom’s the crazy one. She ran over my hand.” “We were having fun.”

“I feel really shaky. I don’t like being you.” “Nobody does.”