What They Said: Favorite Lines From Archer “Placebo Effect” 

Episode: “Placebo Effect”

Why don’t more people watch this show? It’s amazing.

“And I don’t know Krieger. Maybe it’s just because I’m a badass but chemotherapy? It’s kind of a breeze.”

“I’ve got a guy.” “Me too Krieger. He’s called a pharmacist.”

“I know what sucrose is idiot but there’s medicine in there too, right?” “Uh, no.”

“What the hell is it?” “Well, this is just an educated guess but…um…Zima?”

“Does someone you love have breast cancer?” “Yeah. Me. Um. Name’s Archer.”

“Cry havoc and let slip the hogs of war.” “Dogs of war.” “Whatever farm animal of war Lana. Shut up.”

“Do you get it?” “Yes. Look. Please.” “Cause I swear to God I’ll strip back down and show you all over again.”

“Well, excuse me Lana. It’s a rampage.”

“Name the douchebag who’s in charge.” “Vincent Van Go F#ck Yourself.”

“What Lana? I said it was a rampage.”

“One more and the innocent Honduran janitors get a chance to steal the bank. I’m just assuming you guys don’t know what actually goes on here. I hope that doesn’t sound racist.”

“Do I look like I need bald guy cream? Mikey, I can barely get a comb through this. It’s so thick my barber charges me double. I love my hair…as I’m sure you love your kneecap.”

“As you can see I’ve got wine coolers on my feet because my toenails are popping off like pogs. A fair amount of gastric distress…and, uh scarf.”

“I never thought I’d say this but I really miss the Zima.”

“My momma told me how much she loved me all the time.” “Exactly. Look how you turned out.” “Uh. With high self esteem.”

“RAMPAGE!!!!!!…A little help?”

“And I know it’s not my business but I think you might have a problem.” “Yeah, Lana, it’s called cancer.” “And also drug abuse.”

“Shut up and kick in the door for me and do it badass like I would if I still had toenails.”

“First of all you don’t have to yell Lana. I don’t have ear cancer.”

“She’s not gay. She just has big hands.”

“Wait. You’re just gonna leave him with a grenade stuck up his ass?” “Yes Lana. I’m on a rampage and also kidding. It’s a smoke grenade.”

“Asshole.” “What?” “What?” “What Lana?”

“Oh man. What have I been doing?” “Chain-smoking joints the size of tampons.” “Ew.” “Figure of speech.” “Still though. Ew.”

“Let’s take a walk.” “A walk? Is that some sort of joke?” “A roll then. Whatever.”

“Are you not listening to me?” “Well obviously not.”

“And if there’s one thing I’ve learned in all my years as spy master it’s that you keep your friends close.” “Yeah, Cyril.” “And possible genetic clones of Adolf Hitler closer.” “Yeah, Cy-. Wait what?”

“Duh. Oh my God, seriously. I’m sorry. I think I need help or something.”

“And one more crack about monster hands and I promise you I will shoot your fat Irish faces off. I’m sorry. Was that racist? I’m not mad at you. I’m sorry. I’m mad at Archer.”

“Here. This is good right here.” “For what boyo? We havin’ a picnic?” “Oh my God. Do you have snacks?”

“You obviously haven’t seen my movie ‘Terms of EnRampageMent.’ Hang on. That was lame.”

“Why don’t you call it ‘Magnum PeEw?’” “It’s a working title idiots.”