The Vampire Diaries “Crying Wolf” 

Dear show: Love you, love your work, but would really love an episode where nobody was confined against their will and slapped around. Thanks so much. Love, Me.

So much to break down, y’all, so let’s do it in pairs, shall we?

Damon and his Hot Piece of Anchor are bidding adieu at first light and he’s planted all sorts of ideas about being her one true love in her pretty little head. He kisses her goodbye and scoots her off to work.

Elena wakes up the morning after her girl power slumber party (all three gals in one bed; cue the fanboys) to answer her ringing phone. It’s Stefan and he asks how the evening went and she says very well and much needed and then proposes they have one of their own and he’s completely down with that.

At the Grill, Bonnie and Caroline are waiting on Jeremy and there are some awkward exchanges all round — Bonnie and Jeremy and Caroline and Matt, and then Luka comes in and Bonnie amps up the charm while also slipping him a coffee-based mickey so she, Jeremy, and Caroline can get him out of the restaurant and back to Casa Forbes. Once there, Bonnie casts a spell on him to get to the bottom of Elijah’s plan.

On the wolf front, a wolf kid from Florida shows up and explains the doppelganger moonstone theory and dispels that it’s essentially “best beast wins” — whichever clan breaks the curse comes out on top — vamps get to daywalk or wolves are no longer beholden to turn by the phases of the moon (Jules sells this as they never have to turn if they don’t want to, but I think she’s more likely to just roam around as a wolf 24/7/365).  The Floridian conveniently has a picture of Mason’s vamp GF, “Kathy,” on his phone, so he shows that to Jules, her BF (Brady), and Tyler, who’s horrified to see that Kathy looks like Elena (hi, Tyler, so glad you could join us over here).

Over at Tyler’s house, there’s a town gathering and Elijah wanders through long enough for Damon to puff his chest out and demand answers and Elijah to shut him down without breaking a sweat. Once Damon gets home, he’s attacked by Florida wolf with a syringe of what I assume is vervain and manages to fling the kid around the room before it kicks in. Once it does, Damon’s chained up in the chair he used on Mason (karma, party of one) with the added feature of a staked collar to keep inflicting pain on him when he says he doesn’t know anything about the moonstone. This goes on for a while before Elijah thankfully shows up and starts ventilating the wolves (including Brady) via a fistful of hearts.

Out on the lake, Stefan and Elena are enjoying a couples weekend (and the old woman in me laughed that Elena leisurely watches Stefan prepare their dinner while clutching a sizeable glass of red wine. I realize he’s 162 and change but she’s still 17, right?). There’s some initial awkwardness because this is Elena’s first trip to the house since her parents died, but she says it’s a happy place for her and she’s happy to make new memories there. They’re working on that when they stumble onto a panic room of vamp-fighting weapons that puts a damper on things, and also reveals that Papa Gilbert had the rest of Jonathan’s journals. Stefan goes outside to collect firewood so Elena can process the find and gets jumped by Tyler while Elena gets jumped in the house by another wolf. Stefan talks Tyler down and they reach Elena in time to save her. Tyler doubles over apologizing and Elena responds as she usually does — by putting her arms around him and calming his fears. Tyler doesn’t fall in with them, though. He instead decides to flee with Jules (booo).

Over at the Forbes house, Bonnie, Caroline, and Jeremy have discovered that Elijah’s plan to take down Klaus involves Elena’s death even though Elijah indicated otherwise. Stefan confronts Elena with this and she defends Elijah, telling Stefan that he was always very particular about how he said he could help her and he never articulated that her survival was part of the deal. So there’s that. The upside for the little trio gathering is that Bonnie finally drops her pretenses about Jeremy and lets it slip that somehow the brother of her friend is now this amazing, hot guy, and all Jeremy has to hear is “hot” before he sweeps her into a kiss to which she responds, “wow” before kissing him again. Yay!!

On the Alaric front, he’s about to get his ass handed to him because Uncle Daddy has planted seeds of doubt with Jenna about how Isobel disappeared. He shares a post-beating drink with Damon and they discuss the likelihood of Uncle Daddy’s weapon being viable against Elijah before he departs, leaving Damon to stew about the wolves.

This was a bang up episode that was alternately whip fast and sort of leisurely. I liked that Stefan and Elena took a breather and reminded us that they are still actually together. I liked that Elena’s friends continue to defy her in order to keep  her safe. No Katherine this week, so Uncle Daddy’s visit last week remains a mystery. Very interesting turn there that Elena’s dad had more journals and seems to have been an active vampire hunter. We don’t know yet whether Uncle Daddy knew –I’m guessing no because he didn’t race off to the lake house when Jenna told him Elena was there with Stefan.

Lots of setup as we head into the rest of the season.  If we can keep everyone unchained and unpummeled for a bit, mama will be happy.