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Hawaii Five-0 “Heihei (Race)” 

Photo Credit: Neil Jacobs/CBS

Now y’all know I love me some Alex O’Loughlin, but I came to the startling realization in this episode that boyfriend is skinny. We open with him wearing a wifebeater while trying to put his house back together and all I could think was that the boy needs mashed potatoes! Especially when I just came off a Moonlight jag (shut it), where he was easily at least ten pounds (and not just the hair, wiseasses) heavier than he is now. So, that out the way, let’s proceed, shall we?

The episode focuses on a group on triathlete robbers who go off course, commit a heist, and then finish the race (I think CSI:NY did this with a marathon at some point). So, the 5-0’s get brought in when an armored car is hijacked and only one guard survives. They follow the trail, which involves Kono and McGarrett stripping down and diving off a dock, where they find the truck and money submerged. They start to piece together that the hijack wasn’t about the money, or the truck, but about security codes, because the truck was mounted with a fancy camera that caught the login info at each pickup and drop off (which seems…dumb). Separately they follow the lead of facial recognition software on one the guys who was standing in the parking lot when the shooting happened, an ex-con named Gordon (played by

Nas) and he says he answered an ad for a painter. They track that back to a chiropractor’s office that’s been used for blood doping (where McGarrett Mr. Wizard’s a fingerprint kit from a vacuum bag) and that begets the triathlon link—this crew has been doing this around the country.

The doper sends them off in search of a woman registered for the triathlon named Sabrina, and Danny is horrified when he realizes where they are, and that Sabrina lives next door to his ex-wife, Rachel (Claire van der Boom). With a nudge from McGarrett, he swallows his pride and asks if they can use her house for surveillance, and since her husband is out of town, she grudgingly agrees. The setup gets us a little more backstory on Danny’s marriage, and allows his ex-wife and current wife (McGarrett) to bond.

We also learn that part of the rage going on with Danny and Rachel is a very real sense of loss about not being married anymore vs. true hate. She even helps bail Danny out when he’s almost caught inside the neighbor’s house, ramming her very expensive Mercedes into the front gate. Danny’s sort of startled to find that out because they met when she rear-ended his police cruiser, which he thought had been an actual accident with a Brit learning to drive in the States (they courted over driving lessons, and he tells McGarrett she had a nice tushie, which seemed a genuinely sweet thing to say vs. “nice ass” or “nice rack.”)

Race day arrives and the 5-0s think they have the upper hand tracking the burglars’ numbers, but they’re one step behind—the racers have planted their chips on other riders. (I have to call bullshit here because the swap means they wouldn’t be logged finishing correctly and there’s an earlier comment that these four finished every race, just not very quickly). Thankfully, the 5-0’s pre-ID’d the target as a diamond house, so they head over that way and then each of the 5-0’s gets to spectacularly take a robber off a bike—fire hose, errant trash can, gun to the face, and the good old-fashioned beach tackle.

The wounded guard comes around and looks like he’ll be OK, despite one of the triathlete’s attempt to kill him a second time with an embolism. That could have gone either way because he had a very pregnant wife (played against type by Bijou Phillips, who co-starred with Caan in Black and White a decade ago), and on some shows that means you’re doomed. Here, it didn’t.

The episode was squarely on the shoulders of Caan and O’Loughlin again and I liked that they finally made the ex-wife flesh and blood and not Cruella DeVille despite her ringtone on Danny’s phone being the theme from Psycho. It will be interesting to see if we meet her husband and whether he’s a good guy or not. We’ve not heard Grace, Danny’s daughter, mention him, so we don’t really have a bead either way.

There was one cute scene with Danny and Grace after he had to borrow her pink laptop because it was the only one Rachel would let out of the house. When she returns it, Grace draws him a picture and asks if he got the bad guys, and he responds with faux offense that she could even ask. The other funny thing was Danny trying to text because the divorce attorneys had suggested he and Rachel could be more civil to each other that way, and all it did was frustrate him because he had “goofy fingers,” while McGarrett kept trying to be helpful by telling him just to rotate the phone.

The director this week was Elodie Keene, who’s recently been directing Glee and ABC Fam fare, so it was cool to have a woman call the shots for the first time this season. Not much for Grace Park and Daniel Dae Kim to do aside from drive-by procedural assists and the one-for-one takedown at the end. Kamekona had one throwaway scene at the beginning where he and McGarrett argued about the quality of wood he’d sold him for the repairs, and he’d been sitting on McGarrett’s phone, which made Danny drive out to the house to find out why he hadn’t been answering it when he’d been “calling [him] like you owe me money.” Hee.

I was wrong last week—we have one more new episode on the 6th, and then the Hawaii-atus til next year.

Thanks for reading!

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