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What I Learned from Modern Family’s “Strangers on a Treadmill” 

Photo Credit: ABC

I love Modern Family. It’s one of the few shows that actually makes me laugh out loud and “Strangers on a Treadmill” is no exception.

Here’s what I learned:

  • To be popular in high school, apparently all you need is to have a more popular kid call you on the phone & then tell ‘em you’re too busy to talk.  Then like magic you’re holding all the power and suddenly seem way cool.  Now if only geeks could get the lead cheerleader or quarterback to dial their number.  Side note: If this actually happens – beware it could end with a bucket of pig’s blood and a gymnasium in flames. 
  •  The real reason brothers and sisters should stay close with each other is so they can gently pelt each other’s spouses with truth bullets and not have it come back negatively on themselves.  Another benefit is they can also work out together.  In what world does this happen?  My brother lives 3,000 miles away, and I don’t know anyone with enough spare time to blow 30 minutes going nowhere on a treadmill.
  • If you’re the aloof boss of a big ass company and you get goaded into attending an employee’s personal party, you can hide the fact that you don’t know anyone’s name by shouting out randomly “There he is!” and “All right now!” (These work best if you act like you’re pointing at someone.) And if you really need to pull out the stops, try yelling “Hey, Carlos!”  This works particularly well in L.A.  But in any case you should probably read the sign at the front door to make sure you’re actually at the quinceanera and not a random wedding reception.
  • If you ever make an empty threat to shave off your beard, make sure you do it REALLY slowly.  As you start to drag the razor down your cheek, in good old fashioned TV timing, your significant other will recant before any major damage is done.  Worst case make your first cut strategic so that you can still salvage a mustache out of the remains.  Or better yet leave the plastic guard on the shaver & no harm will come to your whiskers at all.
  • Never offer to shave your boyfriend’s back hair.  He will not consider this a favor.  He does not know he has back hair.
  • Realtors have lame senses of humor.  And “charming” is a clever way of saying under a thousand square feet.  If house is located in Pasadena, assume it’s even smaller.
  • No matter what happens; your job is to help pick your family members up when they fall on their faces.  (Cue tear drop in corner of eye.)

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