Photo Credit: Annette Brown/The CW
Episode: “The Rager”
Writer: Brian Young
- “Good day for a midlife crisis. 164 years — I’d say you’re due.”
- “Elena’s transition to vampire has been a little depressing. I’m gonna help her have some fun.” “Oh. Those who can’t do, teach.”
- “Why don’t you stop being dramatic.” “No, brother, dramatic would be leaving before I kill this hunter.”
- “The first period and I’m ready to ball my eyes out.” “Morning, everyone.” “And just like that I’m no longer feeling sentimental.”
- “You’re welcome to join, Elena, if you want to bury the hatchet.” “It’s a pretty enormous hatchet.”
- “So you left the only person on Earth that actually likes you?” “Well, your boyfriend liked me once. Actually a lot more than once.”
- “Actually, where is Mr. Saltzman? Oh, that’s right. I killed him.”
- “I didn’t think I was capable of hate but I hate her and I hate that I hate her.”
- “That’s how mad I am, she made me murderous.” “How about we just leave the murdering to Damon?” “And then do what? Ignore her to death?”
- “You saved my vampire life, now you’re saving hers. You should write a book. Go on The View.”
- “Tell me that is not a bomb.” “OK, it’s a kitten. It’s an adorable, exploding kitten.”
- “Why didn’t you call your brother?” “Because I’m proud and stubborn and…oh look, you’re already here!”
- “He was always a nice guy.” “A nice, crazy guy.”
- “What does he mean ‘a greater evil is coming?’ Don’t we have great enough evil already?” “You’d think.”
- “You are a good brother.” “I’m the bad brother.”
- “Tell me which one of your girlfriends is a bloodsucker?” “It’s…Rebekah. Rebekah Mikaelson.”
- “I need bourbon to get through Rebekah’s party. Yours is better than Stefan’s.”
- “You keep alcohol in your underwear drawer?” “No.”
- “You staying for the show or…”
- “You’re fixating.” “No, I’m just quietly hating.”
- “I ditched Rebekah’s ditching party.”
- “My reputation precedes me. Hopefully not all bad.” “A little bad. Mostly repulsive.”
- “Klaus, where’s Tyler?” “Tyler’s otherwise occupied making big decisions about honesty and whatnot.”
- “Did I say that I was a germaphobe? Pfft. Sorry. I meant…vampire.”
- “Stings, doesn’t it?”
- “Maybe you could cue me in on this greater evil. Because I fought this guy — and there’s nothing more evil than that.” “Yeah, truth be told. I’m as evil as it gets.”
- “Nice try but I’m faster than your average vampire.”
- “Why am I thinking about you?” “Because you’re a vampire now. And part of you knows you’re a lot more like me than you are like him.”
- “And for future reference, one voice mail is just as effective as nine.”
- “See? I told you I could be a badass.” “Shh…badasses don’t say that.”
- “Not everyday I get summoned by a Salvatore.”
- “Do you remember what you were like before you turned?” “You mean an insecure control freak?” “You grew into yourself when you became a vampire. You changed.”
- “I just thought that you’re so good at it — at being a vampire.” “Because of you, Stefan. I’m good at it because of you. Come to me, whenever you want. I won’t let you lose control.”
- “You’re a vampire now. You just have to learn the right way to be one. And I’m gonna to teach you.”
The Vampire Diaries airs Thursdays at 8/7c on the CW.
